January 17, 2012
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist
The Keystone State Wrestling Alliance's annual Battle Bowl extravaganza has become a launching point for Megastars on-the-rise and for veteran wrestlers to gain another shot at immortality. Last year, all "final four" athletes who earned title shots in 2011 won when they cashed them in. "Dr. Devastation" Lou Martin waited until the last possible second to win the KSWA Heavyweight title, Justin Sane teamed with Lord Zoltan to best the VIPs for Tag Team Gold during an Independence Day celebration, "The King" Del Douglas lifted gold from "Ice Man" Tony Johnson--albeit briefly--during his Millvale homecoming, and Jay Flash chased Bobby Badfingers for the better part of last year before beating the bruiser at FanFest.
This year's event could be just as fruitful for the Megastars, but most would have to overcome a seven-foot diversion.
Ali Kaida v. Great Toyota
When is Ali Kaida ever in a good mood? Approximately six weeks after losing the KSWA World title without being pinned, it's all Kaida from the get go. Toyota tries to punch Kaida, but Kaida catches the punch and drops him with an inverted DDT. Kaida power bombs Toyota and then gives him a T-bone suplex. When the crowd asks for another, he hits him with one. The fans chant "USA," and he says aloud that Toyota is from Japan. Then another T-bone. Kaida rests a defenseless Toyota on the top rope then gives him an inverted T-bone from that position. The fans chant USA again and that only enrages Kaida more. Then there's the sit-down power bomb that sets Toyota up for the Camel Clutch. Toyota cannot even respond. After a few seconds, Toyota does get some energy but referee Justin Smith drops Toyota's hand three times for the submission victory. Kaida gets up and T-bones Toyota one more time. Kaida leaves as referee Jimmy James comes to check on Kaida. The refs help Toyota back to the locker room as the crowds cheer.
KSWA Owner Bobby O Addresses The Krazies
KSWA Owner Bobby O comes to the ring and addresses the Krazies. He thanks the crowd for a tremendous 2011 and he's in the process of other pleasantries when the VIPs--Shawn Blanchard and new KSWA Heavyweight Champion Lou Martin strut to the ring. Blanchard is even seen "Tebowing" before the Krazies. They berate the crowd, crow and preen. It isn't pretty, but at least the interruption isn't long.
Jr. Heavyweight Championship: Goulet v. Starr
J.P. Goulet comes to the ring with great aplomb--his own--then the real cheers come for the new Jr. Heavyweight Champion Shane Starr. Before Starr is ready, Goulet attacks from behind. Starr reels off some offense but is rebuffed by Goulet. Goulet settles in and cracks two extreme kicks into Starr's back. Goulet goes for a submission move but Starr is able to get a foot on the ropes. That breaks up the move, but not the offense. It's still Goulet who is in charge. Another reverse chin lock is applied to Starr. Starr is able to battle his way up but Goulet forces Starr down with a fistful of hair. Then it's Goulet's knees to Starr's chest then a kick to the sternum that drops Starr to the mat and the Krazies groan. Goulet, in his best solo performance as of yet in the KSWA, whips Starr into the ropes. Starr bounces off and the two meet in the middle of the ring, each with knees to the other's gut. The double count out has begun. Jimmy James counts to eight before each Megastar gets to his feet. Then it's a couple of hip tosses and drop kick by Starr. Starr whips Goulet into the ropes but the "Flawless One" catches Starr in a sleeper hold. James nearly drops Starr's hand for a third time before the Jr. Heavyweight Champion bounces back. He hits Goulet with a chin breaker. Goulet is on the top rope and Starr tries to flip him off but Goulet battles out. Then Goulet kicks Starr down. Goulet goes for a splash by Starr catches him with a knee to the gut. Or lower. Starr hits the "Shining Starr" and barely gets by with a win.
6-Megastar Tag Team Match
Shawn Blanchard (with Advisor Frank Durso) enter along with The Jester and "The King" Del Douglas. Their opponents are lead by Kris Kash, and then the KSWA Tag Team Champions--Lord Zoltan and Justin Sane, known as Party Gras. Even Kris Kash is seen dancing as the "Big Butt" duo make their way around the ring. Referee Justin Smith certainly has his hands full with this Krew. It should be noted that Lord Zoltan is inexplicably wearing a cow bell around his neck. Zoltan and Justin debate who is starting the match as Zoltan and Kash circumvent the ring from the apron. Zoltan tosses the cow bell to the table at ringside. Zoltan swipes The Jester's hat and wipes his armpits and buttocks with it. After an eternity, Justin Smith has some assemblage of order and starts the match. Lord Zoltan goes right for Blanchard's wrist and arm bar before tagging Kris Kash. Kash pump handles the arm before tagging his Justin Smith who does the same and grounds Blanchard. Justin goes to work on Blanchard before tagging Kash back in, who whips Blanchard into the ropes for a drop kick. He goes for a quick pin but The Jester breaks it up. Zoltan is in for more pump handle arm action. Zoltan pulls Blanchard down from behind and Kash enters with a leg drop. Blanchard plants a forearm into Kash's groin and that's enough for him to get to the corner and tag Del Douglas. The King goes go to work on Kash. The Krazies chant "Millvale" for the King's hometown. The Jester is tagged in and he plants good old fashioned forearms on Kash's chest. The Jester tags Blanchard back in. "The Enforcer" goes for a submission move before sending Kash into the corner for a series of chops and a flip. The King is in and he immediately applies the Royal Sharpshooter. Kash is being bent in half. That's just to loosen him up. Blanchard is back in and he snap mares Kash into a rear chin lock. Blanchard gouges and digs at Blanchard. The Jester is back in and he buries a series of knees into Kash's back. Jester plants a knee and tries to pin Kash but both members of Party Gras break it up. Douglas is back in and he suplexes Kash. Douglas hits the fist that's "banned in 49 out of 50 states." More Douglas offense before The Jester is tagged back in. Jester muscles Kash up for a belly to back suplex. Kash battles out of a pin attempt. Kash tries to battle back but that's broken up by The Jester's fist full of belt. Blanchard whips Kash into the corner but Kash ducks the splash. Zoltan is in and goes to work on Blanchard. Some say he may or may not have used a wrench. Zoltan hits Blanchard with a knee then tags in Sane. They distract the ref and deliver two knees to Blanchard's two hamstrings. Justin gets Blanchard into their corner and Zoltan forces Blanchard into the corner. Blanchard is suddenly on the top rope for a bull-riding session. Justin is tagged in for a pin attempt that ends at two. Justin goes after Blanchard's throat. The Enforcer is able to battle back up. Blanchard reverses a whip and hits a big spinebuster. Both men are down. Frank Durso attacks Sane on the outside and despite the Krazies' loud reaction, Justin Smith is too distracted by other action. The King gets Justin with a clothesline and drops Sane to the outside. That's Durso's territory and he attacks Justin with assistance from The Jester. Blanchard bodyslams Justin on the outside. Blanchard rolls Sane back in and Douglas gets a two count. Douglas and The Jester double suplex Justin and the Jester cackles. Justin rallies and the two deliver a double clothesline in the center of the ring. There's a double count as each man gets to their corner. Blanchard and Zoltan are tagged in. Soon all six Megastars are in the ring. Zoltan, Justin and Kash pound on their respective opponents. Douglas and Blanchard are prone as Justin hits the Shock Therapy on The Jester. Kash lands a drop on The Jester and covers for the pin. Douglas carries The Jester off as Blanchard leaves in dismay. Zoltan dances with the Krazies as Kash and Sane celebrate in their own way.
KSWA Grudge Match: Mitch Napier v. The Latin Assassin
Mitch Napier comes to the ring with a big ovation, as does The Latin Assassin. The Krazies who have undyingly supported The Latin Assassin through thick and thin are in good voice. Napier hits Latin in the face with a hand towel (the same rag that cost Latin the title in 2011) and they go at it fist-a-fury. The action spills to the outside as they trade blows. It's all Napier for a while until Latin charges back with a chop. Napier is rolled back in and Latin bodyslams him for a one-count. There's a reverse chin hold but no submission from Napier. Latin tries to get Napier to give up but he won't. There's a two count on Napier and then a back elbow. The Krazies are a little quite because they are not used to these two fan favorites battling one another. Latin hits some stern reverse knife chops that level Napier and hurt the Assassin's hand. Napier battles up and drop kicks a prone Assassin for a two-count. Mitch buries a knee, then his forehead into Latin's back. Napier rolls him over for a two count. Latin gets into the ropes and Mitch breaks the hold. Latin bails to the outside to gain his composure. Mitch patiently awaits and offers to hold the ropes open for Latin. Latin answers with a less than generous hand gesture. Mitch dives on Latin on the outside and the Krazies chant "That Was Awesome." Napier gets Latin back in and goes for a ground attack that keeps Latin in check. Latin will not give up as Napier continues the pressure. Napier gets Latin up and delivers a terrific standing drop kick. There's a two count then Napier continues with the arm-bar pressure. Latin will not give in as the pressure is continued. Referee Jimmy James goes for the hand drop as Latin is about out of it. Latin is able to gain some strength to stop the third drop. Jimmy James goes for it again. Latin battles out again. This time Latin starts to strike his way out of the situation. Back on his feet, Latin stops a suplex attempt and out of nowhere lands a DDT on Napier. There's a two count on Napier. Latin whips Napier into the corner and lands his patented Flying Lariat. Napier somehow kicks out at two. A second pin is attempted. Latin head butts Napier and whips him into the ropes for a back elbow. Latin twists Mitch's neck out of whack. Mitch breaks out of the maneuver and gets Latin down for a two count. Mitch climbs to the top for a cross-body-block. Napier lowers the straps on his ring gear and hits the Souix Falls Slam on Latin, but the effort was too much. Both Megastars are down for a few moments. He finally does and only registers a two count. Napier is able to get Latin into the corner for a series of rights. He follows that up with a hip toss and kick to the head. Napier latches onto a version of the sharpshooter in the center of the ring. However, Napier is tired and doesn't hold onto the hold for long. He goes for the pin again and registers only a two count. Latin, a sturdy veteran, is able to muscle out and somehow land a side suplex on Napier. Revitalized, Latin hits Napier with his impressive version of a tombstone piledriver. Unbelievably, Napier kicks out at two. Just then the VIP's--Blanchard and Martin (along with Durso) rush the scene. They attack both Latin and Mitch. With Durso choking The Assassin, Blanchard clobbers Napier with a steel chair. They punch and kick a little bit more before leaving, and enraging the crowd.
During intermission, KSWA Owner Bobby O announced that Shawn Blanchard will enter the ring first for Battle Bowl and that a Lawrenceville Street Fight has been set for February 18 between Mitch Napier and The Latin Assassin v. the VIP's.
Golden Triangle Championship: Drew Belanger v. Jay Flash
Drew Belanger battles out of a collar-and-elbow tie-up well enough to get Flash to the mat. Belanger gets Flash up and chain wrestles Flash until a back elbow floors the South Beach Soldier. Then it's Jay Flash's turn for offense until Belanger drops him to the mat and a two count. Belanger is tossed into the ropes for a 619 but he gets out of the way and bails to the concrete. Flash tosses him back in and levels with some punches. Belanger ducks a spear attempt and Flash goes shoulder-first into the turnbuckle. Belanger kicks a prone Flash. Belanger then kicks Flash. Belanger continues with the knees to Flash's throat. Referee Justin Smith is out of sorts. Belanger goes for a move but it's blocked by Flash. Belanger knocks Flash down and gets a two count. Flash gets some momentum and drops Belanger in the center of the ring. Flash flops onto Belanger with a modified cannonball. Belanger gets up and bodyslams Flash. Both men are slow in getting up. Belanger grabs Flash's wrist and starts to kick him in the ribs. The Krazies chant "USA" in support of Flash as he is draped on the bottom rope. The two Megastars trade blows. Flash lands a fallaway slam and registers a near pinfall. Belanger latches on a sleeper hold. Flash gets out of it and Belanger slaps on an arm bar. The Krazies are behind Flash. Flash gets to the ropes and hold is broken. Belanger pulls Flash out to the center of the ring and re-applies the hold. Belanger never really broke the hold and referee Justin Smith let the infraction slide. Belanger drives Flash into the mat face first and then slowly covers him. There's a two-and-a-half count. Belanger is angered by Smith's count and forces him into the corner. Flash is slow in getting up before slapping on the exact same move on Belanger. Both men are soon to the outside where Flash chops Belanger in the chest. Belanger is prone and Flash goes to the top for a cannonball. He misses. Belanger goes for a quick pin but Flash kicks out. The Megastars face in the center of the ring and trade blows. Jay Flash lands a knee and a clothesline. Then there's another fallaway slam. Belanger's in the corner as Flash preens to the crowd. Flash takes a long time for the cannonball and Belanger gets up and meets him on the middle rope. Flash battles from the corner and drapes Belanger over the top rope. Belanger falls. Flash drops to the floor instead of landing the cannonball, then rolls up the Cold Blooded Canadian for the victory.
KSWA Heavyweight Championship: Johnson v. Martin
The two Megastars confab in the center of the ring. Martin slaps Johnson in the face. Johnson hits back twice as hard and drills Martin face-first into all four corners. Martin bails to the outside. Martin checks for blood and climbs back in and is immediately met by Johnson but Martin is able to gain the upper hand and drive Johnson into the middle rope. That's where Frank Durso grabs a hold of Johnson and chokes him over and over again. Martin drives a leg onto Johnson in the ropes and still has the upper hand. Martin doesn't like the speed of referee Jimmy James' count. Martin uses some questionable tactics as Frank Durso climbs to the apron and distracts the ref. Martin drives Johnson's head into the turnbuckles. Johnson rallies gets Martin down. Johnson slaps on a rear chin lock and keeps Martin grounded. Johnson goes for a pin and gets a two-count. Johnson goes to the top rope and lands a knee to Martin's throat and gets a near pinfall. Then there's a scoop slam and two-count on Martin. Martin is forced to the middle rope and Johnson pulls him back. There's another two count. Johnson gets Martin to his feet and drops him just as quickly into an arm-twisting bridge. Durso climbs the steps again. Two count on Martin. Martin gets Johnson with a stunner. He rolls over onto Johnson for a two count. Martin chokes Johnson as Durso distracts James. Martin hits Johnson with a clothesline. Then a second. Martin asks the crowd if they'd like to see a third. He misses and Johnson hit Martin with a fallaway kick from the middle rope. Johnson climbs to the top rope and misses with his fallaway splash. Martin is right there with offense. Devastation goes for the Death Certificate and he misses. Johnson rallies with offense and gets a two-and-a-half count on Martin. Johnson lands a European upper cut and drives Martin to the mat. Then he stomps. Johnson suplexes Martin. Durso is on the apron. Johnson pins Martin forever but Johnson is forced to stand and get James' attention. Johnson misses with a splash from the corner and Martin hits Johnson with the Death Certificate and gains the victory.
Battle Bowl IV
Shawn Blanchard, as promised, is out first. Then it's the 7-foot Jack Massacre, who returns to the ring after a dastardly attack by the Legion of the Apocalypse. Blanchard wants nothing to do with the Massacre-of-Humanity. Massacre tosses Blanchard down. The Enforcer goes to the back of Massacre's knee but it barely phases the big man. Blanchard is tossed into the corner and Massacre hits a gigantic splash. Massacre hits Blanchard with a big fist. A clothesline falls Blanchard. Then there's a huge legdrop on Blanchard that bounces the ring off of the concrete. The Krazies are amazed. Blanchard, who is always crafty, somehow is able to low-blow Massacre just enough to slow him down. Next out is "The King" Del Douglas. The King goes after Massacre, who's back is turned. Douglas goes for Massacre's knee. Massacre turns around and Del lands a right fist. Both men try to punch Massacre, but the big man keeps both Megastars at bat. In fact, they swing wildly at him, all to the Krazies' amusement. It's all Jack Massacre. After a few moments, it's "The Flawless One" J.P. Goulet's turn to make his way to the ring. J.P. was very tentative as he slowly sauntered to the ring. In the ring, Massacre is still beating Blanchard and Douglas down. Goulet is in no hurry to enter the ring. Massacre grabs Blanchard's hands and crushes them both. Goulet gets in and goes after Massacre. All three are tossed about. Massacre head butts Blanchard. Douglas punches him again to no avail. Blanchard and Douglas chop Massacre and he just shrugs them off. Massacre chops all three. Jay Flash is the next one in. Flash goes after Goulet, then Douglas. Massacre gives a double noggin knocker to both Douglas and Blanchard. Next up is Kris Kash, who goes after J.P., then The King. He's a burst of energy in the ring. After a few moments later it was the former Golden Triangle Champion, Bobby Badfingers. Badfingers and Douglas go after Massacre but they are met with a double clothesline. A few moments later, Nasty Nick Crane returned to the KSWA. The veteran Canadian, who has teamed with Canadian Perfection as Canadian Perfection 2.0 goes right after Kris Kash. Fellow Canadian J.P. Goulet joins in on the attack. Nick is then all over Jay Flash. Kris Kash levels Del Douglas with a number of chops. Badfingers and Douglas attack Kash. Joey Quervo is the next one announced, but he is in no hurry to get in and it took a awhile for him to join the action. Next in was Blood Beast. Then Shane Starr. Then Drew Belanger. Belanger sat on a chair on the outside until Flash went after him and forced him back inside the ring. Diamond Dave Diamond was next, then was Ric Rumsky. Jonny Axx later rushed the ring and got in some good offense. The Jester was the next-to-last, then "Ice Man" Tony Johnson was the last entrant. The action was fast and furious and hard hitting. Shawn Blanchard was the first to be ejected. Quervo was not long for the Battle Bowl. Diamond Dave Diamond was tossed. Shane Starr was soon tossed over the top rope. Jack Massacre eliminated both Bobby Badfingers and Jonny Axx. Massacre then eliminated himself as he chased the Legion of the Apocalypse members back to the locker room. J.P. Goulet lasted quite awhile before being jacked. Nasty Nick Crane also stayed in a while before being tossed. Johnson was eliminated. Jay Flash was the last Megastar to stay before the final four: Blood Beast, The Jester, Del Douglas and Kris Kash. The foursome will each earn a title shot in the new year. Del Douglas was eliminated, as was the Blood Beast. The Jester went to jump Kris Kash but Kash ducked, pulled the top rope down and the Jester went sailing over it. Kris Kash was the winner of Battle Bowl 4!