April 28, 2012
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist
When illness befell The Latin Assassin, a tag team match was altered to a Triple Threat Match for the Keystone State Wrestling Association’s Golden Triangle Championship. The GT belt as it’s sometimes called, is the second-most prestigious single’s belt in Pittsburgh, behind only the KSWA Heavyweight title, in terms of tradition. But the South Beach Soldier trooped on and defended against two top-shelf adversaries. Unfortunately, the number’s game was not in Flash’s favor at KSWA “Unsanctioned.” WWF/WWE legend Bushwacker Luke partnered with Party Gras to take on Shawn Blanchard, The Jester and “The King” Del Douglas in a memorable match (especially for Douglas), and Diamond Dave survived one of the organization’s wildest match’s against one of the KSWA’s most unstoppable Megastars.
Jr. Heavyweight Championship: Super Ginger v. Shane Starr
The two Megastars meet in the center of the ring, shook hands in a gentleman’s agreement, and Ginger applies an arm bar. Starr is able to reverse the move. Ginger reverses it again and gets Starr into a headlock. Starr and Ginger exchange moves until Starr hip tosses the newest Megastar. Starr flips Super in the hard way from the apron and then slows things down, allowing his opponent to catch his breath. For the second time they shake hands in the center of the ring and then get into a collar-and-elbow tie up. Starr is forced into the corner and the hold is broken. Super Ginger goes for the foot and drops star. Super Ginger gets him into a waterboard-type submission move but Starr will not give in. Starr gets out of it and pins Super Ginger for a two count. Starr is forced into the corner for a chop. Ginger follows with a splash. Starr is whipped into the corner and Ginger misses with a splash. Starr lands a back breaker style maneuver and nearly pins Ginger. Starr follows thru with as stellar standing suplex and a two count. Ginger may have leveled a low blow to slow Starr. Ginger gets Starr down again and might have bit his opponent. Ginger isn’t talking. Starr lands a maneuver to slow Ginger. Starr misses with a clothesline but hits a hip toss. Starr goes for the Flying Wizard but Ginger blocks it and hits a massive DDT. There’s a two-count on Starr. Ginger chops Starr. They trade blows. Ginger drops Starr for another two-count. Starr is put into another submission move. Starr nearly rolls up Ginger. Two count. Both men are weary. Ginger goes for the arm again. Starr will not give in. Starr nearly rolls him up again. Two count. Starr gets Ginger up into the corner for the super plex and he lands it. Two count. Starr gets him up again. There’s a two count. Starr hits the Shining Wizard. Super Ginger kicks up at two. The 10-minute time limit expires. Gentleman Joe comes out and gives them five more minutes. The match is restarted and Ginger once again takes control. Super Ginger rolls Starr up for a two count. Starr battles out and gets Ginger into a bulldog position and hip tosses him from there. Starr kicks and leg drops Super Ginger. Ginger uses his head for a battering ram and slows Starr. Starr goes into the ropes. Ginger flips on him from the middle rope. Ginger goes for the second time and misses. Starr hits the Shining Wizard and gets the pin in the center of the ring. The two celebrate with each other in the middle of the ring and Super Ginger bows for Starr before leaving. Starr celebrates to the delight of the Krazies.
Nasty Nick Crane v. Ric Rumsky
Nick Crane makes his way to the ring before Ric Rumsky with much aplomb from the KSWA Krazies. The two meet in the center of the ring and Rumsky forces Crane into a corner. Crane complains of early shenanigans. They hook up again and Crane slaps Rumsky ever so condescendingly slaps him in the face while in the corner. Crane then gets Rumsky into an arm bar. Rumsky reverses the move and then so does Crane. They continue to reverse the move until Crane gets Rumsky into a headlock. Rumsky breaks it and floors Crane. Rumsky drop kicks Crane and covers for a two-count. Rumsky then gives him a whip into the ropes and a double sledge. Both are slow in getting up as Crane may or may not have taken a short cut. Crane is up as Rumsky is doubled over. Nick lays in a knee drop and then applies a pinch to Rumsky’s shoulder. Crane lowers the boom on Rumsky and won’t let him up. Then Crane lifts him up and drops him with a well-placed head-butt. Rumsky slowly gets up and kicks Crane in the leg. With Crane now in the corner, Rumsky goes knees-first with a splash. Rumsky goes for a Superkick but Nick blocks it. Crane floors Ric and covers with his boots in the ropes. Referee Justin Smith counts to three and Nick Crane gets the victory. The Krazies go nuts as Crane celebrates. Rumsky argues then leaves.
Bobby Badfingers v. Jack Massacre (w/Mayor Mystery)
In one of the hottest feuds going in the KSWA, the Legion of the Apocalypse is bound and determined to rid the organization of fan-favorite Jack Massacre. Bobby Badfingers tries to get the fans behind him but it doesn’t work. They are solidly behind the 7-foot, 365-lb Waco, Texas native. They take turns going for approval, but the Krazies only cheer for Jack. Massacre pushes Badfingers into a corner. Badfingers bails into the comforting arms of Mayor Mystery. Badfingers gets in again and is pushed into a corner. Badfingers bails and asserts that he’s leaving. Mayor Mystery tries to get Badfingers out of the match but that doesn’t work. Referee Jimmy James continues to count Badfingers out. Mayor Mystery distracts the ref and Massacre, allowing Badfingers to attack from behind. That doesn’t work. Neither does a series of body blows from Badfingers. Bobby wants to bail again but then goes for a test-of-strength. Badfingers climbs to the corner post and Jack tosses him out. Badfingers bails again to the outside before going in. Badfingers can’t even hit a low blow. Massacre head butts and splashes Badfingers. There’s a pin attempt but Mayor Mystery puts Badfingers’ boot on the bottom rope. With the ref distracted, Badfingers hits a low blow and gets Massacre into the corner for another cheap shot by the Mayor. Massacre recovers and gets more offense on Badfingers before Badfingers gets a chain. He wraps it around his fist for a series of punches. With referee Jimmy James distracted, Badfingers hits a series of punches. This continues for a few more minutes before Massacre somehow survives the onslaught. Now Massacre hip-splashes Badfingers and lifts him into the corner. Massacre lays in a series of open fists, dispatches Mayor Mystery from the apron and lands Badfingers in the center of the ring for a three count. Your winner is Jack Massacre. Mayor Mystery climbs in to console Badfingers as Massacre leaves for the locker room.
KSWA Owner Bobby O comes to the ring and announces that The Latin Assassin has been in the hospital and thusly, unable to attend “Unsanctioned.” He wishes the former multi-time champion well and then announces stipulations for an upcoming match. Since Mayor Mystery insists on involving himself in matches, Bobby says if Mitch Napier wins the Golden Triangle Championship, he gets Mayor Mystery in the ring for 5-minutes. He also says if Jay Flash retains, Flash will get Mayor Mystery for 5-minutes in the center of the ring. That leads to…
Golden Triangle Championship: Blood Beast (w/Mayor Mystery), Mitch Napier v. Jay Flash
In the Triple Threat Match, Jay Flash and Mitch Napier double drop kick The Blood Beast before he lands a monstrous double clothesline. He gets a quick two-count on Mitch Napier before turning his attention to Jay Flash. Blood Beast drops Napier with a huge clothesline and another two-count. Beast splashes Jay Flash and then slowly picks him up for a huge punch to the head. Mitch gets up and catches a boot to the mid-section. Mitch is in the ropes and Blood Beast attacks from behind. Jay Flash continues to lay on the mat. Beast, who appears to be more powerful than ever, clotheslines Napier nearly out of his boots. Flash gets up and helps Mitch to his feet. They double team Blood Beast and he goes over the top rope onto the floor. Flash and Napier then both dive over the top ropes onto Beast and Mystery. They both land with a huge thud. Once back inside, Blood Beast misses with a drop kick. Jay Flash gets Beast in and lands an inverted cannon ball. The count is broken up by Napier. Flash and Napier go at it in the ring as Blood Beast circles the outside, resting. Flash gets Napier into a submission move and Beast breaks it up. Beast attacks both men until Mitch can recover. Beast rolls Napier up for a two count, which is also broken up by Flash. Flash and Napier force Blood Beast into a corner. Jay Flash sends Napier into Beast but he moves. The action is fast and furious until Flash is bounced to the outside and Mayor Mystery’s clutches. Beast attacks Napier and goes for a pin. Two count. Blood Beast choke slams Napier. Flash breaks up the pin attempt and tries to retain the belt himself. Napier kicks up at two. There’s more offense, mostly from Blood Beast. Beast gets Flash into a bear hug. Flash breaks it. Napier rolls up Flash for a two-count. Napier gets Flash into a front face lock and a suplex. Any pin attempt is broken by the Blood Beast. Flash and Napier kick Beast until he is down. Napier gets Flash into a submission hold until Blood Beast delivers a clothesline. Beast hits Flash with a big boot. Napier softens Blood Beast up for a Sioux Falls Slam but he can’t get Beast up. Beast muscles both Megastars up and hits a dynamic double suplex. All three men are spent. Beast goes to pin Flash but Napier breaks it up. Napier puts the boots to Beast then sets up him the corner for a maneuver. Beast muscles out of it. Flash tries to go toe-to-toe with Beast but that’s a losing battle. Napier recovers and goes after the Beast. It takes both opponents to fall the Blood Beast. Jay Flash goes for the Cannon Ball and doesn’t hit squarely. Napier lifts him up for the Sioux Falls Slam but he’s down and out. Beast breaks that up. Blood Beast hits a face-first slam on Jay Flash and scores the victory. The winner and new Golden Triangle Champion is The Blood Beast. The Beast takes off with Mayor Mystery as Napier looks after a fallen Flash. As promised by Mayor Mystery, the Blood Beast is the new Golden Triangle Champion. More importantly for Mystery, he can leave without having to face Flash or Napier in the ring.
The King, Jester and Shawn Blanchard v. Party Gras and Bushwacker Luke
Del Douglas attacks WWF/WWE Legend Bushwacker Luke then Luke attacks Del, mainly by biting him in the exposed buttocks. The Krazies are beside themselves. Justin Sane is then in and so is Shawn Blanchard. Sane gets Blanchard in an arm bar, then tags in Lord Zoltan who attacks Blanchard to no end. Blanchard attempts to punch Zoltan but that’s blocked by referee Jimmy James. Lord Zoltan pulls Blanchard down and tags in Bushwacker Luke. Luke gets Blanchard into the ropes and hammers away as the ref is distracted by Party Gras. Sane is back in for more arm bars but Blanchard is able to tag in The Jester. Sane gets Jester in the same position before Zoltan is tagged in. Zoltan goes for the arm bars on The Jester. Bushwacker Luke is tagged back in and he goes after The Jester. Some of his tactics are questionable, but the Bushwacker keeps The Jester contained. Luke tags in Zoltan who continues to work on The Jester’s arm. Luke chops Jester with strong shots. Jester tosses Luke into his corner and tags in Del Douglas. Soon, Douglas, Jester and Blanchard are all in doing the Bushwacker march. Luke splashes Jester. Sane jumps in and rides the bull. So does Zoltan. Luke gives The Jester the stink face and everyone goes insane. Douglas and Blanchard are freaked out when they go to help their partner. Sane is in and so is Blanchard. Blanchard falls Justin with a clothesline. Blanchard gets Sane into the corner and continues the assault. Douglas is in and he clotheslines Sane. Blanchard returns and bodyslams Sane. Blanchard continues the offense on Sane before tagging in The Jester. Durso keeps Sane tangled in the ropes. Once he sees Bushwacker Luke come towards him, Durso bails. The Jester continues the offense on Sane. There’s a two-count but Justin is able to kick up. The will not submit to a reverse chin lock. Douglas is tagged back in and he gets Sane in a headlock. With the ref distracted, all three Megastars attack Sane. Douglas grabs Sane by the privates and floors him with a reverse knife edge chop. He gets Sane in the Royal Sharpshooter and Blanchard kicks Sane in the head. Jester is back in and he continues to work on Sane. Blanchard is in and misses a clothesline. Then the two connect on a double clothesline. The fans chant for Justin. He tags in Zoltan. Zoltan gets Blanchard in a sleeper hold. That’s broken up by Bushwacker Luke. The action is fast as Justin gets Douglas down. Three corners are filled. Douglas, Jester and Blanchard are slammed in the middle of the ring. Blanchard is able to get up and misses a clothesline on Zoltan. Soon Bushwacker Luke uses Zoltan as a battering ram on Blanchard and Sane hits the frog splash for the victory.
Headbanger’s Brawl Match: Ali Kaida (w/Mystery) v. “Rock n Roll” Dave Diamond
Dave smashes Ali Kaida immediately with a picture frame. Glass explodes throughout the KSWA Arena. Then Kaida smashes Dave in the head with albums Dave brought into the ring. Kaida continues with horrendous Kindo stick blasts. Dave recovers and hits Kaida with more record albums, including one of Burt Bacharach’s. They are soon outside to the bar area. Ali Kaida crushes Dave with a steel chair. Kaida’s arm is sliced open. They make it back to the ring and Kaida lays in a series of blasts until Dave gets the Kindo stick, then a chair. Dave and Kaida continue on the outside. They have sticks and rakes. The Krazies chant “This is Awesome.” Dave is back in the ring, ready for more. Kaida is slow getting back in. Kaida is clobbered with a keyboard. It folds in half, as does Kaida. Dave gives Kaida a face-first splash. Dave smashes a guitar over Kaida’s head and in dramatic fashion, gets the win. Dave starts to celebrate and is attacked by Kaida from behind. Kaida then puts Dave through a table. Jack Massacre comes out to chase Mayor Mystery and Ali Kaida away. Kaida attacks Massacre with a stick. Massacre tosses Kaida away and gathers up Diamond Dave. The two leave, with Mayor Mystery and Ali Kaida in a messy ring.
KSWA Championship: Best of Three—Kris Kash v. Lou Martin
Kris Kash asks the DJ to play “Let’s Get Physical,” the first in a series of videos created on the Internet that lampoons the VIP’s. Kash gets Martin distracted and rolls him up for a quick one, two, three. After that, Martin takes control of Kash. Kash is then attacked by Frank Durso on the apron, as Martin distracts referee Jimmy James. Kash is able to battle out of an assault, but misses with a clothesline. Martin does not miss with his. Then a leg drop. There’s a two-count. Martin gets Kash into the ropes and once again jumps on him. With Kash down, Martin lands a series of elbow drops. There’s another two count. Martin hammers Kash in the head. Durso distracts Jimmy James and Lou Martin buries about half a dozen knees into Kash’s hamstring. Then he bites Kash’s forehead. Martin falls Kash in the middle of the ring and scores a three-count to tie up the best two-out-of-three. On the outside, Martin uses the ring as a weapon on Kash. Then Martin distracts James and that’s enough for Durso to attack Kash. Once back inside, Kash is leveled into the corner. The Krazies chant “Garbage Pants.” Kash flips out of the corner and lands onto Martin. Both Megastars are down, but it’s Kash who is closest to getting up. Kash gets up and prepares Martin for a whip into the corner. He lands it. Kash then lands his patented tilt-a-whirl drop kick in the corner. A pinfall attempt is broken up by Durso. Kash hits Martin with a drop kick. Martin falls to the outside. Kash flips onto him and the Krazies go wild. Kash charges Martin into the corner post. Kash kicks Martin and then plants a number of thunderous chops on the KSWA Champ. After the third one, Martin crumbles to the mat. Martin is tossed back in. Kash goes to the top rope and lands his move. There’s a two-and-a-half count. Kash gets up and out of nowhere, Martin lands the Death Certificate for the clean victory.
The KSWA returns to action next Saturday for an Immaculate Conception fundraiser at the I.C. School, Saturday, May 5, 321 Edmund Street, Bloomfield. Bell time is 7:00 p.m. See you there. Check out www.kswa.net for more information.