May 8, 2012
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist
One of the most popular Megastars currently on the scene, the 7-foot tall, 365-lb Jack Massacre just missed out becoming the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance Heavyweight Champion, due largely to VIP interference at Immaculate Conception School.
In addition to that, one of Massacre’s fiercest rivals, the enigmatic and dangerous Jonny Axx, surprised the KSWA by besting Shane Starr for the Jr. Heavyweight Championship.
Plus, the Cinco de Mayo return of The Mayor of Mexico City kept those in attendance on their collective toes!
Ali Kaida and The Blood Beast (w/Mayor Mystery) v. Jay Flash and Dave Diamond
The action is fast and furious with both Ali Kaida and Jay Flash trading offensive maneuvers. Jay smashes Kaida’s head into the corner post 10 times and he explodes off the top rope with a nice splash. Soon Diamond Dave and the new Golden Triangle Champion The Blood Beast are tagged in. Beast levels Diamond Dave with a spinning clothesline. It’s all Blood Beast as Diamond Dave is manhandled by the Legion of the Apocalypse. Jay Flash tries to break up a pin attempt but that just distracts referee Justin Smith. Dave is back to his feet. He hits Blood Beast with a drop kick to the shins and that falls the behemoth. The Krazies chant “USA, USA!” Beast tries to get Diamond Dave into a submission move. Jay Flash tries desperately to get in. Dave lands a stunner on The Blood Beast and he crawls to his corner and tags in Jay Flash. Kaida comes through the ropes. Kaida goes onto the floor. Flash, who just last week lost the prestigious Golden Triangle Championship, is all over Beast. Flash launches himself off the ropes and onto Beast. Jay Flash goes for the cannonball and lands it with impressive fashion. Mayor Mystery has the referee distracted. Flash goes to get his intention then turns right into the Blood Beast’s choke slam. The winners of the match are the Legion of the Apocalypse. The Blood Beast choke slams Flash one more time for effect.
Shawn Blanchard v. Kris Kash
The Megastars lock up and Blanchard tosses Kash to the mat. They lock up again and Blanchard synchs’ onto the wrist. Kash reverses the move. Kash is able to toss Blanchard to the mat. Blanchard complains and crawls into the corner to give himself some time. He then waits for Kash to come out and he lands a bodyslam. Kash is tossed outside to the clutches of Frank Durso. Blanchard follows and slams Kash’s head into the apron. Blanchard bodyslams Kash on the hardwood floor of the Immaculate Conception gymnasium. The two Megastar trade explosive chops on the outside with Kash winning the battle. Flying cross body block by Kash falls Blanchard. More Kash offense. Kash tosses Blanchard into the corner for his patented tilt a whirl drop kick. Blanchard recovers and tosses Kash outside. Durso again attacks Kris Kash on the outside. The Krazies are beside themselves. Referee Justin Smith is distracted like a monkey with a gold coin. That allows Blanchard to attack Kash more but Kash recovers with a dive over the top rope onto Blanchard. Blanchard is rolled back in. Kash follows. Kash kicks and forearms Blanchard. Kash goes to the top rope for a splash but slips. Blanchard follows for a super plex. The thud from that superplex is thunderous. There’s a two-and-a-half count. Kash gets his shoulder up. Blanchard whips him into the ropes for a sleeper hold. Kash is going down. Kash is able to break out of the maneuver but steps right into a spinebuster. Both men are spent. Blanchard picks Kash up and buries a shoulder into his midsection. He continues with a series of punches. Kash is whipped into a corner and he explodes out with a dive. Kash tries to rally the troops. Kash falls Blanchard. Kash goes to the top rope and lands the swon ton dive. One, two, three and Kris Kash is your winner.
Cinco de Mayo Match: The Great Toyota and Joey Quervo v. Super Ginger and La Lucha
The ring announcing duties for this match are supplied by young KSWA Krazy C.J. This tag team match features Joey Quervo and the returning La Lucha for Cinco de Mayo (from Mexico), The Great Toyota (Japan) and Super Ginger (Ginger Hill, PA, USA). Three of the four wear masks. It has yet to be definitely determined whether or not Super Ginger’s face is a mask or the real deal. Super Ginger and Joey Quervo battle it out, trading maneuvers in the early going. Ginger and Quervo then tag in their partners. Toyota and La Lucha trade slaps. La Lucha whips Toyota into the corner and splashes him. Toyota goes “koo koo” and falls to the center of the ring. La Lucha goes for a pin but only gets two. Ginger is tagged in and he is whipped into the corner for Toyota. La Lucha goes for his specialty move, the three bodyslams from the corner. He lands all three. There’s only a two count. La Lucha tags in Super Ginger. Ginger misses a moon sault from the corner. Quervo is tagged in and he suplexes Ginger. Ginger gains momentum and splashes his opponent. Quervo is positioned on the bottom rope before Ginger picks him up. Ginger goes for a splash on Quervo in the corner but Joey ducks it. Quervo lands an impressive back stabber on Ginger. Ginger is down. Quervo is slow in getting up. Ginger positions him in the corner and grabs the Luchadore for a slam off the top. La Lucha comes in to assist. The power slam is landed and Ginger and La Lucha get the win. All four masked Megastars then dance and celebrate for the Krazies.
Jonny Axx v. Shane Starr
Jonny Axx attacks Shane Starr before the bell rings but Starr is quickly able to recover. Axx retreats to the outside where he confabs with Mayor Mystery. Axx is in control of Starr when he returns to the ring. Axx keeps Starr grounded. Starr battles out and lands a terrific standing suplex on Axx. Starr gets only a two count. Axx gets to his feet and lands a drop kick out of nowhere. Axx then gets Starr in a reverse chin lock to keep him grounded. Axx misses a splash in the corner and Starr gains control. Then Axx gets Starr into the corner and tosses him to the mat. There’s a pin attempt but Axx only gets two. Starr reverses Axx into the corner. Starr goes for a super plex but Axx pushes him out. Starr goes for the Shining Wizard but referee Justin Smith gets in the way. Smith is clipped and goes down. Mayor Mystery slides his cane into Axx. Axx clobbers Starr and tosses a barely awake Justin Smith into the action. The three count is recorded and Jonny Axx is the new KSWA Jr. Heavyweight Champion! Jonny and Mayor Mystery celebrate, as Shane Starr wonders what just happened.
Bobby Badfingers v. Mitch Napier
Bobby and Mitch gauge fan support and the Krazies in attendance are behind Mitch 100%. Bobby hip tosses Mitch following a collar and elbow tie up. He does it again and crows to the crowd, who are not impressed. A third time, Bobby bodyslams Mitch. Napier responds with two lightning quick hip tosses and a bodyslam. Badfingers bails to the outside with Mayor Mystery. Referee Justin Smith starts a count out and gets to six before Badfingers goes back in. They tie up again and Badfingers pushes Napier into the corner. He pokes Mitch in the eye and that just enrages the Midwestern. Napier whips Badfingers into the corner and powers him to the mat. Napier gets Badfingers into a form of the ankle lock before Mayor Mystery’s involvement stops the measure. Napier drops a double sledge from the top rope and follows up with a two count. Badfingers gets up and explodes with a DDT. Napier gets Badfingers down for a two count after a fantastic cross body block. Napier pulls Badfingers out of the ropes and goes for a maneuver but Badfingers breaks it up. Badfingers falls Napier and gets a two count. Badfingers lands a running power slam but only gets a two count. With the referee distracted, Badfingers lands a leg into Mitch’s most sensitive of areas. Then a second time. There’s a two count. Badfingers lands a leg drop but Mitch’s shoulder is up again. Badfingers follows with an abdominal stretch. Mayor Mystery climbs to the apron and uses leverage. The ref sees it and kicks lose their connection. Mayor falls to the floor. Mitch flips Badfingers into the corner and lands a series of punches and a boot to the throat. Mitch lifts Bobby up and delivers a series of forearms. Badfingers knocks Napier off and goes for a dive off the top. Mitch catches him and drives him to the mat. Mitch powers Badfingers into the corner for a superplex. There is a gigantic crash in the center of the ring but only a two count. Mitch lowers the strap on his singlet. He buries his shoulder into Badfinger’s midsection. Napier gets Badfingers into the corner and lands a modified version of his Souix Falls Slam. One, two, three and Mitch gets the victory.
KSWA Tag Team Championship: Douglas & Jester v. Party Gras
The Jester and The King make their way to the ring before the Party Gras gets started. Justin Sane and Lord Zoltan’s entrance is the most energetic and dynamic in the history of the KSWA. The match starts innocently enough with both members of Party Gras applying a booby twister on The Jester. Justin Sane and Lord Zoltan go for the wrist lock on The Jester and trade tags as the referee is distracted by a bothersome King Douglas. Justin wrenches The Jester’s wrist until The Jester changes the momentum. Jester gets Justin into Douglas’ corner and The King wrenches Justin’s arm. The Jester again distracts the ref enough to get Justin in his corner. A third time, Justin gets The Jester into the corner for the arm wrench. He then punch Trapper in the face. The Jester falls Justin Sane and tags The King who lands a clothesline. Soon Lord Zoltan attempts to come in and is stopped by the referee. With the ref distracted by Zoltan, The King and The Jester stomp Justin down. Douglas bodyslams The Jester. The Jester buries a knee. Two count. Jester buries a series of knees into Sane’s back. Justin is tossed down. There’s a two count. Jester chokes Sane. The Jester gets Sane into the middle rope and distracts the referee. The King attacks then there’s a shadow tag. Douglas grabs Sane in the crotch and slaps a reverse knife edge chop. Sane is tossed into Douglas’ corner. More offense as the ref is distracted. The Jester buries forearms into Sane’s mush. Jester goes for a superplex but Sane climbs over top and lands and inverted power bomb. Both Megastars are down. Both wrestlers tag their partners. All four men are in the ring. Party Gras gets Jester and King into their corner for 10 punches. They are tossed together and Jester flops on top of Douglas. Sane gets to flying off of the top rope for Shock Therapy. Party Gras gets the one, two, three. The Jester carries Douglas to the back as Party Gras dances with the Krazies. A gigantic conga line of kids in attendance follows.
KSWA World Title: Jack Massacre v. Dr. Devastation Lou Martin
Jack Massacre gets to the ring while wearing pants made from trash band and asks for the microphone. He explains his pants by saying the KSWA Champion has to wear Garbage Pants. Lou Martin comes to the ring with a chorus of Garbage Pants chants. Lou teases Massacre with a “test of strength” challenge before Massacre clotheslines him to the mat. Martin attempts shoulder blocks to no avail. Martin is then with a big boot and he falls to the outside, nearly getting himself counted out. Martin gets back in and is held at bay by the challenger. Massacre knocks him to the mat and bodyslams, then hip tosses the two-time champion. Frank Durso climbs to the apron and the referee admonishes the VIP Advisor. Massacre sits on Martin’s chest. Massacre lifts Martin into the corner and chops him. Frank Durso falls from the apron to the hardwood, apparently no worse for the wear. The offense continues on Martin. There’s a two count. The champion is resilient to this offense. Massacre then lands a face-first suplex and gets a two-count. Massacre lifts him to his feet only to land with a clothesline and leg drop. There’s a two-and-a-half count. Martin is up and goes for the back of Massacre’s knees. That lowers the challenger. There’s a double sledge off the middle rope and some offense. Massacre over powers Martin and drops him to the mat. Massacre hits a big European upper cut but Martin battles out. Martin goes for another sledge from the top rope but Massacre catches him. Martin is tossed into the corner and then another. Massacre follows with a splash and then positions the champ into the corner. Martin tries for a sleeper hold. Massacre breaks out of it. Shawn Blanchard sneaks to the ring. Frank Durso tosses him the baseball bat. Blanchard hits Massacre with it and referee Justin Smith calls for the bell. Both VIPs attack Massacre before Massacre reaches his hands up into each of their throats and pushes them off. They bounce of the ropes and Massacre hits a double clothesline. The VIPs bail and Jack Massacre celebrates a victory in the center of the ring.