July 15, 2012
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist
Over the past few weeks, excitement mounted over who Jack Massacre had signed as his Mystery Partner in his “Team Massacre.” The personally hand-picked quartet was to challenge the Legion of the Apocalypse at Summertime Bruise. It was anything but a cool reception when “The Ice Man” Tony Johnson returned to the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance as that secretive selection. Johnson had been gone from the KSWA in recent months but returned when the 7-foot giant asked for his assistance with the Legion.
“King” Douglas and Jester v. Kris Kash and Super Ginger
The evening starts with Jester and Ginger trading blows and chops. The King is in and attacks Kash. Douglas rams Kash’s head into three different corner posts. There’s a one count on Kash. Kash is tossed into the corner and referee Shawn Patrick is distracted by Super Ginger, who is re-enacting the Millvale duo attacking Kash in their corner. Another one-count on Kash. The Jester is in and attacks Kash. Jester gets Kash in a rear chin hold. Jester belly-to-belly suplexes Kash to the mat. With Kash in the corner, Patrick starts the five-count. Douglas is in and bodyslams Kash. King hits the fist that’s “banned in 49 out of 50 states” then gets him in the Royal Sharpshooter. The referee makes him break the hold. Kash flies across the ring and flips onto Jester. Both men are slow in getting up by they get to their corners. The tags are made. Jester goes over the top rope. Ginger snap mares Douglas. Douglas goes for the “Drop It Like It’s Hot.” He misses three times. It’s blocked. Kash hits his finishing move on Douglas. Ginger goes to the top rope, lands and splash and the pin. The winners: Kris Kash and Super Ginger.
Sniper vs. “Rock n’ Roll” Dave Diamond
“Canada’s National Hero” Nick Crane accompanies Sniper to the ring. Referee Jimmy James tells Crane to get out of the ring. The two combatants tie up and Sniper complains immediately that Dave is “cheating.” Dave gets Sniper into a headlock and hip tosses him into a corner. Sniper vehemently complains in the corner but neither the Krazies, nor James, believe him. Sniper gets up and starts clobbering Dave. James warns him about the fist. Dave is tossed into the middle rope and Sniper distracts the ref. Crane chokes Dave on the ropes. Sniper gets him and out and suplexes him in the center of the ring. There’s a two-count. Sniper complains that it should be a three count. Sniper gets him ready for another suplex but Dave rolls him up for a near pinfall. Dave rolls into the corner while Sniper moans to the ref. Sniper is in control and he gouges Dave in the eyes. Sniper bodyslams Dave. Two count. Sniper relentlessly complains about the speed and count of the count. Sniper pulls Dave up and Dave rebounds with a series of kicks. Then Dave chops him in the corner. Bull dog in the center of the ring. Dave gets a two count on Sniper. Dave goes for another. Another two count. Dave whips Sniper into the ropes and misses a clothesline. Sniper doesn’t and gets a two count on a fallen Diamond Dave. Sniper goes for a version of the Camel Clutch but it doesn’t work. Sniper can’t hold on. Sniper berates Dave. They trade blows. Dave gets control in the corner, and then he lands a kick. Dave whips Sniper into the ropes. He goes for a belly-to-belly but he can’t hoist the larger Sniper up. Dave battles back anyway. He gets Sniper prepped for “Bang Your Head.” Crane gets to the apron and distracts everyone. Sniper DDT’s Dave and gets the duke.
Team Jack Massacre Interview
Jack Massacre leads his team to the ring. Shane Starr and Jay Flash slap hands with the Krazies before joining Jack. All three are in as Massacre explains to the crowd that he has chosen a fourth partner that he “can trust.” As he’s about to introduce his mysterious fourth teammate, the Legion of the Apocalypse make their way to the ring. The 5-Star Champion, Jonny Axx grabs the microphone and says that he doesn’t care who Massacre has employed and that the Legion was going to take care of business, four-on-three. The Legion ascends the ring and just as they enter the ring, the lights go out in the KSWA Arena. Moments later when the lights come on, “Ice Man” Tony Johnson has appeared to level the playing field. Massacre and his teammates clean the ring of the Legion. The battered stable make their way back to the ring as Jack and his team enjoy a loud ovation.
“Enforcer” Shawn Blanchard v. Mitch Napier
Before too long, Napier has pushed Blanchard around the ring and Blanchard bails to the outside. Napier is going to dive on top of Blanchard and the meddling Lou Martin (who has accompanied his long-time friend and cohort to the ring), but they catch on and he stops before diving. Napier brings Blanchard in the hard way over the top rope. But Blanchard, the veteran, takes control. With referee Justin Smith distracted, Blanchard buries a knee into Napier’s crotch. Blanchard is in control and falls Napier for a two-count. Blanchard tosses Napier to the outside and a waiting Martin. Martin pounds on Napier as the ref is distracted by Blanchard. Blanchard whips Napier into the corner. Blanchard hits Napier with a series of big time chops. Napier retaliates with a series of heavy blasts. Blanchard stops the onslaught and buries a knee into Napier’s midsection. With Mitch down, Blanchard goes for a nerve pinch on the neck. Napier tries to power out of it. Napier buries fists into Blanchard’s midsection but Blanchard floors Napier. Two count. Blanchard slowly pulls Napier up. Napier is whipped into the corner. He explodes out with a clothesline. Blanchard is down. The Krazies rally for Mitch. Napier bodyslams Blanchard and goes for a pin. Two count. Drop kick by Napier on Blanchard. Napier goes to the top rope. There’s a flying headbutt. Two and a half count. Napier gets Blanchard into a technical leg submission move. Blanchard screams in agony in the center of the ring. Napier pulls Blanchard further into the center of the ring. Napier slaps on the Figure Four, a move that Blanchard has used extensively in the KSWA. Two count as Blanchard lays his shoulders on the mat. Martin prowls ringside, looking for a way to get involved. Blanchard is able to roll it over momentarily before Napier rolls it back over to his advantage. Blanchard won’t give and Napier eventually breaks it. He goes for another submission move on the leg. Blanchard kicks out of it. Both Megastars are spent. Napier gets Blanchard up for a Sioux Falls Slam but Smith gets too close and he gets clipped. Down goes Smith. Martin then attacks Napier. Blanchard gives Napier the Slingshot Suplex. Martin rouses a fallen Smith He slowly counts to three and Blanchard gets the hard-fought win.
KSWA Open Invitation
Newcomer J-Ru hits the ring and rips into the Krazies, claiming that he will be the Savior of the KSWA. After several moments of berating the crowd, J-Ru says he doesn’t care what “freak or hominoid” comes from the locker room. At that moment, Sam Squatch hits the ring. J-Ru bails to the outside to figure out what to do. When he gets back in he tries for a “test of strength” with the hairy beast. Unexpectedly, J-Ru seems prepared as he has several beef jerky sticks tucked in his trunks. He swats Sam with one. That doesn’t go over particularly well. Sam hits a big foot on J-Ru, then a leg drop. He rips open a beef jerky, puts a foot on J-Ru and scores the win.
Nasty Nick Crane v. Lord Zoltan
Sniper accompanies Nasty Nick to the ring. Lord Zoltan, minus Party Gras tag team partner Justin Sane, dances his way to the ring. The duo attacks Zoltan before the bell is rung. They whip Zoltan into the ropes, where he ducks a double clothesline, only to hit them with one of his own! The bell rings and Crane bails to the outside. Once inside he gets the early advantage over Zoltan before the KSWA Hall of Famer, Class of 2012, sunset flips Crane to the mat. Crane falls to the outside. The Krazies chant “Chicken” before Nick gets back in. Zoltan gets him into the corner and chops him. Crane is then bitten on the forehead. Sniper pulls Zoltan and Crane lands a splash. Zoltan is spilled to the outside. That’s where Sniper attacks with precision. Soon both Mercenaries are on the outside and putting boots to Zoltan. The Lordship is rolled back in. With referee Shawn Patrick distracted, Zoltan is attacked more by Sniper. The Krazies try to get Patrick’s attention to no avail. For moments on end, Sniper puts the hurtin’ to Zoltan. Later that same day, Patrick turns his attention to Zoltan and Sniper. Patrick debates Sniper while Crane rolls Zoltan back in. Crane goes for Zoltan’s leg and drops his keyster on Zoltan’s leg. Nick is all over Zoltan. Sniper is inexplicably on the apron. Crane lifts Zoltan up and into Sniper’s clutches. Crane misses and clobbers Sniper. Zoltan rolls Crane up and gets the win. Immediately after the pin, Sniper attacks Zoltan with the South African flag. Crane grabs the microphone, says that they took out Justin Sane and now they took out the leader of Party Gras. Zoltan is assisted to the back by the referees.
Martin v. Rumsky
Without Bobby O or Kommissioner Joe Perri in attendance, Martin questions the validity of Rumsky’s contract. Rumsky produces a contract. It’s deemed valid by the referee and we begin. Rumsky gets early advantage over Martin. There’s a pinfall attempt on Rumsky. Then Martin gets the advantage over Rumsky. Martin nearly pins Rumsky. Martin buries his knee into Rumsky’s back and goes to work on the Bellaire, Ohio native’s left arm. Martin pulls Rumsky to the outside. Martin rams Rumsky’s shoulder into the ring post. With Rumsky on the floor, Martin goes for a suplex. Rumsky blocks it and lands one of his own. Rumsky stops referee Justin Smith’s count by rolling in momentarily. He goes back in and rolls Martin in. Rumsky hits a leg drop and registers only a two count. Martin is whipped into the corner and hits his “Buckshot” double knee to the chest. Two and a half count. There’s another whip and Buckshot. Another two and a half count. Rumsky continues the offense on Martin. Martin then gets up and tries to suplex Rumsky but Ric blocks it. Martin in essence bodyslams Rumsky and gets a two count. Rumsky gets up and counters the Death Certificate. Two count. Rumsky gets a near pinfall on Martin. Rumsky goes for his superkick. Martin blocks it and hits the Death Certificate and gets the win. Afterwards, Martin heads to the locker room and a distraught and frustrated Rumsky slowly leaves the ring.
Ultimate Survivor Match
Jay Flash and Jonny Axx start out and battle for five minutes. The rules are after five minutes, another team member will enter. Once all eight Megastars are in the ring, an over-the-top rope Battle Royal begins. This year, one team has to make the other submit to gain a victory. The two men trade technical moves for several minutes, with the larger Axx getting behind Flash. Flash then counters. Axx retreats to the corner where Flash peppers him with a series of kicks. Flash drop kicks him while Axx is down on the mat. Kicks continue to floor Axx. Axx rallies by poking Flash in the eyes. Blood Beast is in next and he goes right after Flash, the Megastar he beat for the Golden Triangle Championship. Axx rests in the corner, until then they both clothesline Flash. Blood Beast kicks Flash. Ice Man Tony Johnson is in next. He goes to work on both Legion members. The Krazies chant his name. Johnson peppers the Blood Beast. Beast muscles out enough to push him into the corner. Johnson goes after Jonny then Beast. Flash gets back into the action with a double stomp on the fallen Axx. Both Megastars go after Beast. Kaida comes in and immediately suplexes Johnson over his head. He does it again. Kaida goes after Flash. Axx boots Axx. Kaida suplexes Flash over his head. Blood Beast picks up the pieces on Flash. Double suplex on Johnson. Flash and Beast trade blows. Beast kicks Flash in the head. Blood Beast gets Flash in a version of the Camel Clutch. Kaida is all over Johnson while Axx waits. Jack Massacre is in and Ali Kaida calls for him. Soon all three members of the Legion currently in the ring feel the wrath of Massacre. Massacre whips Beast into the ropes and levels him with a clothesline. Massacre looks for someone to beat up. He choses Axx. Johnson is up and he goes after Kaida. Two minutes later, Bobby Badfingers is in. Badfingers goes after Massacre. Kaida is taking on Johnson and Blood Beast goes after Flash. Shane Starr is the last man in. He and Massacre double clothesline Beast. Ali Kaida gets some chops from Shane Starr. Johnson puts the boots to Kaida. There’s bedlam all around. Beast goes to splash Flash and misses, hitting Badfingers. Badfingers drop kicks Massacre. Badfingers puts the boots to almost everyone on the Massacre quartet. Massacre tosses Kaida over the top onto the floor. Then Massacre. Then Blood Beast. Then Johnson, leaving Shane Starr and Jay Flash on Team Massacre and Bobby Badfingers alone for the Legion. Badfingers hits Flash with the Debt Collector. Badfingers and Starr trade blows. Starr hits the Shining Wizard. Flash nails the Cannonball on the fallen Badfingers. Starr gets Badfingers in the Sharpshooter. After trying his best, Badfingers taps out. The winners: Team Massacre! The team gets back into the ring and celebrates to with the Krazies.
Thus ends Summertime Bruise.