January 14, 2013
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist
With 2012 and FanFest in the history books, the Megastars of the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance eagerly looked forward to the new calendar and new opportunities. Battle Bowl V offered a litany of chances for 20 wrestlers and three persevered through the biggest Battle Royal in KSWA history.
Joe Abby Memorial Qualifying Match: Legion (Kaida/Badfingers) v. Flash & Johnson
The winners of this match would immediately qualify to compete in the Joe Abby Memorial Tournament in March. The Abby Tournament is designed to name new Number One competitors for the KSWA’s World Tag Team Championship. Ali Kaida and Bobby Badfingers hit the ring before Jay Flash and Tony Johnson for tag team competition. Badfingers and Flash start out with Flash locking a headlock. Flash is tossed off but he goes behind Badfingers and does it again. Johnson is tagged in and they both kick Badfingers. There’s a one-count by Johnson on Badfingers. Johnson picks Badfingers up in an arm bar then goes behind him. Flash tries to get the crowd going in a “USA” chant when Badfingers lands an elbow to Johnson’s chin. That’s enough to get Johnson into the Legion’s corner. Johnson is able to battle back enough to drop Badfingers into the Legion’s corner. Kaida is tagged in, so is Flash. Flash quickly gets Kaida into the corner for a series of boots. Kaida is down in the corner, and the assault on the Afghani Assault Weapon continues. Flash lands both feet into Kaida’s sternum and a two count is registered. Kaida gets to his corner and Badfingers floors Flash with a clothesline. Badfingers powerslams Flash then tags in Kaida. They whip Flash into the ropes and land a double shoulder block. Kaida twists Flash’s neck and chin with his massive hands. Flash tries to make it to his corner but Kaida intercepts with an over-the-top suplex and bends Flash in half. Badfingers is tagged back in and referee Justin Smith takes the Legions’ word for it. Justin is distracted by Johnson in his corner and the duo double teams Kash. Kaida is tagged back in and he goes for the suplex again. He goes for the pin but Johnson breaks it up with a well-placed kick to the ribs. Justin watches as both Megastars struggle to their corners. Johnson is tagged in, so is Badfingers. Soon all four men are in the ring. Both Johnson and Flash miss with clotheslines but land drop kicks. Flash round-house kicks Badfingers. Bobby is down as Flash climbs the turnbuckle for a cannon ball. Flash goes for the pin but Kaida breaks it up. Kaida goes for a third suplex but Flash blocks it. Johnson drop kicks Kaida and covers him for the win. Flash and Johnson are the first team to qualify.
The Jester v. Justin Sane
The King comes to the ring with The Jester. The King grabs the microphone and taunts Justin and crowd. Douglas crows about winning the belts. Douglas challenges Justin Sane to a “Dance Off” and incredibly, “The King” cuts an impressive rug. Justin doesn’t fare well and the new KSWA Tag Team Champions dance a perfect “Millvale Jig.” That infuriates Justin enough to charge The Jester. The match is started as Justin Sane takes early advantage of the young Tag Team Champion. Justin flips Jester down and into an arm bar. Justin keeps Jester grounded for a few moments before landing a series of clotheslines. Jester is down. Douglas gets to the apron to break up the pinfall attempt. Justin drop kicks The Jester into the corner. It’s still all Justin Sane with a drop kick and two-count. The King frolics at ringside. Justin chases The King. Sane crawls back into the ring and right into a big knee to the gut from The Jester. Two count. Douglas shouts “Jester Style” from the floor. There’s a suplex that keeps Justin down and the Jester dances before landing a knee for a two-count. Shawn Patrick counts two. The Jester lands a back elbow on Justin and gets another two-count. Jester buries a couple of knees into Sane. Jester lands on Justin and gets another two-count. Jester gets Justin into a submission move in the center of the ring. Sane battles up with some elbows but The Jester counters with a T-Bone suplex. There’s a two-and-a-half count on Justin. The King uses the bottom rope on Justin’s throat as Patrick is distracted by the Jester. There’s a double clothesline in the middle of the ring. Douglas tries to get a chant of “Jester Style” rocking but the crowd answers with something more unflattering. Justin regroups and lands a modified DDT from the corner. Two count. Justin picks up The Jester for a leg drop that is traditionally the precursor for Shock Therapy. Douglas gets to the apron. Justin tangles with him. The Jester goes from behind but Justin drops down. The Tag Team Champs almost collide before Justin rolls The Jester up from behind. The Tag Champs attack Justin Sane but then Tony Johnson and Jay Flash make the save.
Bobby O Promo with the VIPs
An energetic KSWA Owner Bobby O canters to the ring. Once inside he runs down the happenings that occurred in the Main Event from FanFest in which two masked men attacked Ric Rumsky when many observers believed him to be on the verge of winning the KSWA Championship from “Dr. Devastation” Lou Martin. Bobby says that the investigation into who the men are continues. He considered FanFest guests Bruno Sammartino and Domenic DeNucci, as well as former KSWA World Tag Team Champions Demolition but decided that both teams were not to blame. He also ruled out members of the Church of Latter Day Saints, who were briefly in contention. Bobby did say that he believed that the attacks were orchestrated by the VIPs—Shawn Blanchard and Lou Martin—so they were summoned to the ring. Once there, the VIPs took umbrage with O’s assertions. The VIPs almost came to blows with the KSWA owner before cooler heads prevailed. Bobby said that the investigation would continue.
KSWA 5-Star Championship: J-Ru v. Kris Kash
J-Ru hits the ring with an astonishing, vibrant jacket rumored to be from the Phyllis Diller Collection. The bell rings and J-Ru demands the microphone. He is booed out of the building as he tries to explain why he had the flashy jacket. He says that his “little, fat Mexican Porter” was nowhere to be found. He blamed the “porter” for not overseeing the delivery of his wardrobe. J-Ru tosses Kash around before the new 5-Star Champ collects a couple of suplexes. He drops J-Ru down and then kicks him to the outside. J-Ru lures Kash to the ropes for a well-placed punch to the head. J-Ru uses the ropes to ring Kash’s bell. J-Ru gets Kash into a rear choke hold and referee Jimmy James admonishes him. J-Ru posts Kash in the corner, anchored by a knee to the crotch. That keeps Kash on the mat. J-Ru taunts the crowd enough for Kash to boot him into the corner. Kash goes for more offense but J-Ru lands a low blow. J-Ru snap suplexes Kash down for a two-count. J-Ru lands another impressive move on Kash but follows it up with a lazy pin and thusly only gets a two-count. There’s another lazy pin attempt and a one-count. A clothesline is followed by another one-count. Then there’s a two-count as J-Ru keeps the offense up. Kash stops a whip into a clothesline with an astonishing clothesline. Kash flips himself out of the corner and onto J-Ru. Both Megastars are down. They get up and trade a series of brutal chops. Kash is whipped into the corner and J-Ru falls him. J-Ru attempts Shane Starr’s Shining Wizard but Kash blocks it. On the second attempt, it works. But he takes too long and Kash is able to hit the Twist of Fate for the win.
VIPs v. Rumsky and Napier
This match is for another birth to the Joe Abby Memorial Tournament in March. Rumsky and Napier charge the ring and get the VIPs reeling. Before long both Shawn Blanchard are on the outside of the ring. Referee Justin Smith jaws with Rumsky and Napier instead of administering the count on the VIPs. After a few moments he starts the count. Blanchard enters against Napier. Napier gets the crowd going and the VIPs try to keep the applause to a minimum. The two lock up and Blanchard pushes Napier into the corner. Blanchard reels to the opposite corner when Napier chases him out. Napier is not lured into the VIP’s corner and he Blanchard lock up in the center of the ring. Napier gets Blanchard in an arm bar and forces him to the mat. Mitch bends Blanchard’s fingers back, then he rolls the former 5-time KSWA Champion into a pinning predicament. There’s a two count and Rumsky is tagged in. Rumsky lifts Blanchard up, and then sets him back down. Rumsky forces Blanchard into a corner, and then lands his “Buckshot” two knees to Blanchard’s sternum. Rumsky chases Martin off the apron and then turns after Blanchard. Rumsky keeps Blanchard on the mat with technical moves before tagging Napier back in. Blanchard uses dubious tactics to gain an advantage over Napier before lowering a knee into his gut. Martin is tagged in and the KSWA Champion puts the boots to the man he beat for the title. Martin gets Napier into position for a curb stomp. Blanchard is tagged in and the offense continues on Napier. Justin Smith is distracted by Rumsky who tries to make the save, but the VIPs double-team Napier instead. Blanchard uses a closed fist to keep Napier floored. The ref is again distracted the VIPs continue to beat on Napier. Blanchard gets a two-count on Napier. Blanchard gets a front-face-lock on Napier. Napier muscles his way for a tag but Smith doesn’t see it. He forces Rumsky back in as Blanchard tags in Martin. Lou side slams Napier and continues his personal assault. There’s a double clothesline that levels both combatants. Napier does get the tag on Rumsky. Rumsky is a house a fire as Martin tags Blanchard. Blanchard falls in the center of the ring Rumsky gets a two-count. Rumsky is all over Blanchard. Rumsky knocks Martin off the apron. Blanchard is seated in the corner and Rumsky hits him with a knee. Rumsky tries for it again but Blanchard gets his boot up and into Rumsky’s midsection. Blanchard comes out of the corner and both Megastars are down. Blanchard gets Rumsky into the corner but Ric hits him with a superkick. Both men are down. Smith starts the count and on 6, Napier is in. He goes after Blanchard and then all four men are in the ring. Rumsky goes after Martin on the floor. Napier gets Blanchard into the Sioux Falls Slam. There’s no referee as he is inexplicably on the outside. With Napier facing the ropes, the two orange-masked men attack and land the 3-D on Napier. They put Blanchard on top of Napier and high-tail-it. Justin Smith sees only the aftermath, races into the ring and counts to three. The winners and advancing to the Joe Abby Memorial Tournament: the VIPs. Post-Match, the VIPs celebrate. Rumsky and Napier leave together.
Golden Triangle Championship: Jonny Axx v. Shane Starr
Jonny Axx makes his way to the ring and demands that he is introduced as the KSWA’s 2012 Wrestler of the Year. Shane Starr makes his way to the ring with much aplomb. Shawn Patrick calls the bell and the match is on its way. Jonny Axx lurks around the ring before the two lock up. Axx gets a wrist lock and proceeds to boot Starr. Starr snap mares Jonny Axx then hip tosses him all the way out to the floor. Axx prowls the outside to regain some feeling in his hip. Axx sits on a seat then Starr starts a “Chicken” chant. That gets Axx into the ring and he shouts “I am not a chicken” to the throng at ringside. Starr forces Axx into the corner and breaks the hold cleanly. They lock up again and Axx forces Starr into the corner. He doesn’t break the hold cleanly and administers a forearm or three. He snap mares Starr out into the center of the ring then clasps on a chin hold. Axx then goes after Starr’s left knee and bends it back. Axx asks for Starr to submit but he won’t. Axx transfers to a headlock but Starr muscles out of that and side suplexes out of the hold. Starr goes for the Sharpshooter but Axx punches him dead in the forehead and drops Starr. Axx goes off the ropes and splashes down onto Starr. Axx tries to go for his own Sharpshooter but Starr breaks out of it. Starr gets Axx into the corner and and suplexes him in the center of the ring. Two count. Shawn Patrick is impressed with the suplex. Starr labors in getting Axx up for the Shining Wizard and only gets a two count. Axx whips Starr into the ropes but Starr lands a move to floor Axx instead. There’s a two count. Starr picks Axx up and drop kicks him. There’s a pin attempt but Axx reaches the ropes. Axx gets momentum on Starr and again works on the left leg and knee. Axx buries some elbows into Starr’s ribs then lifts him into a corner. The two go at it and Axx falls to the floor. Starr goes after him. Axx gains momentum on the outside. Axx goes for a pile driver on the outside, but Starr blocks it and flips Axx onto the ring steps in a hard thud (it’s later determined that Axx broke the wooden steps with that crash). Starr gets Axx into the corner. Axx battles Starr off him. Axx jumps after Starr and Starr blocks him. Starr gets Axx into the Sharpshooter and Axx immediately taps. The winner is still the Golden Triangle Champion, Shane Starr.
Battle Bowl V
Jack Massacre and the Blood Beast are the first two opponents in the match. Two the KSWA’s biggest just launch into each other with fists and knees. Not even the Blood Beast can pull a fresh Jack Massacre from the corner. Massacre floors the Blood Beast with a terrific clothesline that easily rings the Beast’s bell. However, the Camp Blood resident isn’t completely out of it. He rains blows on Massacre in hard-hitting fashion. Massacre is tossed into a corner and Blood Beast follows him in. The two meet in the center of the ring with more concussive blows. Massacre gets the Beast into a headlock. Next up is Shawn Blanchard who takes his measured time getting to the ring. Massacre goes right after him and Blood Beast attacks Massacre. Jack tosses both opponents off of him. Massacre goes after Blood Beast and Blanchard goes after Massacre. Massacre goes after Blanchard slowly. Blanchard tries to punch Massacre but that doesn’t work. Massacre drives Blanchard pillar to post. Next up is Super Ginger. Ginger goes after Blanchard but Blanchard isn’t impressed. Massacre gets Blanchard off of Ginger. Soon it’s Massacre and Blanchard, Beast and Ginger. Ginger goes after Beast’s breasts to hysterical results. Joey Quervo is next and he’s immediately tossed to the outside, the first Megastar eliminated. Ginger bulldogs Blanchard. Massacre battles Beast. Next up is the returning Bulldozer. Bulldozer goes right after Jack Massacre. The two colossal figures collide. It is interesting to note that Bulldozer and Massacre went after each other consistently throughout the night, with Bulldozer having significant success against the giant. Next up is Jonny Axx. Jonny, who moments earlier broke the ring steps, is back and he goes after Super Ginger. A conglomerate goes after Massacre. Axx eliminates Super Ginger. Next up is Sam Squatch. An unprecedented mass of humanity is in the KSWA ring. Next up is Sniper, one half of the Mercenaries. He goes after Massacre before he’s even in the ring. Sam Squatch is somehow eliminated by Jonny Axx. Bobby Badfingers is next in the ring. No one under 250 pounds is in the ring. A group of Megastars eliminates Jack Massacre in a huge way. Mitch Napier is introduced as the next contestant. Jonny Axx is eliminated. Napier is thumped by Blanchard’s tremendous spine buster. Bulldozer levels Napier. The crew takes its turns on Napier. Jay Flash is next. He comes in a house a fire but he can’t level Bulldozer. The Blood Beast has been eliminated. The Jester is next. Moments earlier, Shawn Blanchard folded Jay Flash in half with a spear. Flash goes after The Jester. Bulldozer has been eliminated. Badfingers drops Flash in the center of the ring. Justin Sane tears into the ring next, right after The Jester. Bobby Badfingers is eliminated. Flash tries to toss The Jester to the outside. Sniper, a veteran, lurks for a chance and he finds it against Justin Sane. Shane Starr is next. Blanchard clotheslines Flash down. The Jester is pounding Sane. Starr measures his blows against Sniper. Starr recently battled Axx and is still winded. Blanchard measures every move. Next up is “The Ice Man” Tony Johnson. A “USA” chant is started by some of the Krazies. Starr, Johnson and Flash take turns chopping Sniper. J-Ru is next. He is almost immediately eliminated. Jay Flash is then dumped from the top rope onto the floor and eliminated. The Jester is tossed next. The 5-Star Champion, Kris Kash is next. Tony Johnson is eliminated next. Kash goes right after Blanchard with some big chops. Sniper, Justin Sane, Shane Starr, Kris Kash, and Blanchard remain. “The King” Del Douglas is next. Douglas goes right after Kash. Blanchard floors Sane. Sniper waits for someone to attack, and he goes after Starr. Douglas slams Kash’s head into the turnbuckle. Douglas eliminates Kash. Ric Rumksy is next. There’s one more remaining Megastar. Rumsky goes after Blanchard. Justin Sane has Sniper in the corner. Sane goes after Douglas, who was attacking Starr. Starr drops a leg on Douglas. Douglas has been eliminated. The last contestant is Ali Kaida. Sniper is eliminated. The final four consists of Starr, Sane, Blanchard and Kaida. Sniper taunts Justin Sane from the outside and Blanchard uses that opening to eliminate the Crazy Man. Justin and Sniper battle their way back to the locker room. Starr double clotheslines the opponents. All three are slow in getting up. The Krazies are behind Starr. Ali Kaida is eliminated. Starr goes right after Blanchard. Starr punches Blanchard in the skull 10 times while in the corner. Blanchard is sailed through the air. Starr goes in and his met with a thumb to the eye. Blanchard tries to eliminate Starr but Starr fights back. The Krazies rally behind Starr. The two Megastars tangle in the ropes, and Starr topples onto the floor and is eliminated. The winner is The Enforcer Shawn Blanchard.
Shawn Blanchard is the winner of Battle Bowl V, and becomes the first Megastar to win it twice. He won the first Battle Bowl on January 17, 2009. Sometime soon a lottery will determine who wins which shot at individual gold in calendar 2013.