February 12, 2013
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist
Since FanFest’s Main Event match, the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance Megaverse has been wondering who the Orange Masked Men were and what exactly where they doing? They helped “Dr. Devastation” Lou Martin retain the KSWA Heavyweight title against Ric Rumsky by laying him out with a 3-D. They did the same thing to Mitch Napier in January in the first round of Joe Abby Memorial Qualifying matches when the intense Iowan and Rumsky lost to the VIP’s. That tainted victory was later overturned by KSWA Owner Bobby O. Shawn Blanchard and Lou Martin had always, steadfastly denied any connection. Undaunted, Bobby O created an investigative committee (that was rumored to include former city of Pittsburgh Mayor Tom Murphy) to determine who these men were. Bobby was going to find out—the hard way—what has been really going down in the shadows of the KSWA.
Joe Abby Memorial Qualifier: Mercenaries v. Super Ginger and Joey Quervo
The Mercenaries come and Nasty Nick grabs the microphone. He says that original participant Jack Massacre is afraid to compete against them and there isn’t anyone for them to wrestle. Crane says that they are to take on Super Ginger in a Handicap Match. “Or you could give us any old tag team champion.” Then Joey Quervo’s music hits and the tag team champion from parts of 2007 and 2008 (with La Lucha) arrives with Super Ginger. Quervo is half in the bag, dry-heaving. They enter into a nose-touching contest before tapping the Mercenaries’ privates. They nearly get a quick fall with roll ups. Soon the Mercenaries are in control of Ginger with Sniper putting the boots to Super Ginger’ throat. Nasty Nick puts his leg over Super Ginger’s neck, while on the middle rope. Sniper is in for an attack on Super Ginger with forearm smashes. Nick gets a two count on Ginger before leveling him with knees to the back. Nick gets Ginger into a chin lock and the “USA” chants, which were prevalent before, return. Nick gets Ginger into a front face lock but Ginger battles to the corner for a tag. Referee Jimmy James doesn’t see it. He forces Quervo back. It happens again with Ginger forcing his way into the corner. James argues with Quervo, trying to get him back to the apron. Ginger rallies enough to get Nick into a corner for a splash/clothesline. Nick pulls the tired Ginger into the center of the ring and tags Sniper. Sniper goes for the pin but Quervo breaks up the count. Sniper throws Ginger into the ropes and he bounces off. There’s a double clothesline in the center of the ring and the two are down. James starts the count out. They both make their respective corners. Quervo comes in hot, drives Sniper out of the ring, then face busts Nick onto the mat. Quervo climbs the corner post, tries for the flying neck breaker but misses. Sniper makes the pin and the Mercenaries advance to the Semi Finals of the Joe Abby Memorial Tournament next month.
Joe Abby Qualifier: Bobby Badfingers and Jonny Axx v. Blood Beast and Ali Kaida
Jonny Axx and Bobby Badfingers make their way out, then their stable mates—Blood Beast and Ali Kaida—go to the ring. (At last year’s “Revenge” the fearsome foursome were victorious in the ring together for the first—and only--time.) Referee Justin Smith has a hard time checking Ali Kaida. Kaida is to start out against Badfingers, but he takes his time. Badfingers gets Kaida into a headlock. They meet in the center of the ring for two shoulder blocks. Then they trade chops in the center of the ring. Badfingers tries to slam Kaida but ends up falling into the corner with the Blood Beast. This is where Blood Beast and Ali Kaida are set to do some damage. Blood Beast is in and tosses Badfingers in the center of the ring. There’s a two count but Badfingers gets his shoulder up. Blood Beast argues the count while keeping his shin on Badfinger’s throat. Badfingers rallies enough offense to make the tag with Axx. Axx tries to keep Blood Beast down but Beast powers out of it. Blood Beast clotheslines Axx then goes for the pin. Axx kicks out. Beast gouges at Axx’s eyes. He corners Axx into Kaida’s clutches. Badfingers tries to break that up but Smith stops him. Beast suplexes Axx and digs at this face and neck. Blood Beast clotheslines Axx and goes for a sloppy pin (one foot). Axx is in a neutral corner. Beast splashes him and Axx collapses. Blood Beast goes for the throat instead of a pin. Beast whips Axx into the corner and misses with a splash. Axx tries to hip toss him out but Beast battles it. Beast hip tosses him then kicks Axx in the back of the head. Again, instead of a pin, Beast crows to the booing crowd. Kaida slaps Beast’s back and enters the ring for an over-the-top suplex. He suplexes Axx again. Kaida says he’s going to end the match. He argues with the referee. Axx is able to break out of the hold and gets a side suplex of his own. Axx is going to go for suplex but the stronger Kaida breaks out of it. He suplexes Axx directly onto his head. Axx snap suplexes Kaida into the corner post with terrific velocity. Both Megastars are down until they can crawl into their corners for their partners. Blood Beast choke slams Badfingers over the top rope. All four men are on the outside. Smith starts the count out. Badfingers is rolled back in at eight. Blood Beast follows him in. They double suplex Badfingers. Smith tries to gain control. Blood Beast tries to pin Badfingers but Jonny Axx drops an elbow from the top rope, then puts Badfingers over a woozy Beast. Badfingers and Axx get the win and advance to the Semi Finals of the Joe Abby Memorial Tournament.
5-Star Championship: Shawn Blanchard v. Kris Kash (champion)
Blanchard, the challenger, arrives, then does Kash. Referee Jimmy James shows the belt then calls for the bell. The frequent foes lock up. Blanchard slams Kash in the center of the ring. Blanchard circles, as does Kash. Blanchard quickly appears to go for a foreign object; however, it’s not clear if that’s the case. Blanchard gets at Kash’s throat, then pushes him into a corner. Blanchard uses the boot onto Kash’s throat. Then Blanchard rakes Kash’s eyes over the top rope. The 5-Star Champion is reeling, then he gets leveled with a back elbow. Blanchard gets Kash into the corner for a series of chops. Kash rallies and lands a number of his own. Blanchard is on the outside. Kash climbs to the top rope and flips onto him. The Krazies shout “That was awesome!” Kash bulldogs Blanchard and goes for a pin. Blanchard gets him foot on the bottom rope. Kash drop kicks Blanchard and gets a two count. Blanchard is forced into a corner where he lands an eye gouge. Kash is down for a series of chops and low blows. Blanchard drags Kash into the corner post where he is driven—crotch first—into the steel. Blanchard climbs back in as Kash is nearly out. He tells James that he will continue. Blanchard—perhaps—uses wrist tape on Kash’s throat. Blanchard lands a knee on Kash’s left leg. Then another. Blanchard bends Kash’s leg. Kash will not submit. Blanchard continues to torture Kash with the contortions. Blanchard shouts that he’s going to break Kash’s leg. He applies the Figure Four leg lock and Kash screams in pain. Kash won’t submit and won’t be counted out. James catches Blanchard using the ropes for leverage and makes him break the hold. Kash gets up then is instantly leveled by a knee to the back of the knee. Blanchard stomps on his forehead. Kash tries to get up and Blanchard tries to lock it in again. Kash rolls him up and gets a two-and-a-half count. Blanchard floors Kash in retaliation. Blanchard drives Kash’s head into the turnbuckle. Kash is whipped into a corner and he back flips out onto Blanchard. Both wrestlers are down for the count. Referee James gets to six before both get up. They trade punches, Kash hits a chop and drops Blanchard. Blanchard is in a corner but drops Kash onto the mat with an atomic drop. Blanchard puts his feet on the ropes for leverage and Jimmy James counts to three. The winner and new KSWA 5-Star Champion is Shawn Blanchard. As the Krazies go nuts in rebellion, KSWA Owner Bobby O arrives. He says “Enough of the screw jobs” and chicanery. He orders the match restarted, Kris Kash instantly rolls Blanchard up into a small package and records the victory, thus holding onto the 5-Star Championship. The KSWA Arena is in bedlam with excitement.
Bobby O Address the Krazies
Bobby O comes back out to the ring. He talks about how the KSWA Hall of Fame will induct KSWA Original Tommy Faime into its ranks. Bobby O also makes a point of saying that “The Living Legend” Bruno Sammartino was inducted into the KSWA Hall of Fame before recently being honored by a federation with an international television audience. Bobby O also plugged the fact that friend of the KSWA George “The Animal” Steele will be at the Spring Horror Realm in Pittsburgh’s South Hills at the Crowne Plaza, March 15-17, 2013. Bobby also talked about the “Mysterious Orange Masked Men” who have been attacking Megastars. Bobby says he believes that the VIPs are behind the shenanigans and he calls Shawn Blanchard and Lou Martin to the ring. With that, the two masked men arrive out of nowhere and surprise Bobby with a 3-D. That lays Bobby out. The masked men take their hoods off to reveal J.P. Goulet and Drew Belanger, “Canadian Perfection,” who haven’t been seen in the KSWA for more than a year. The VIPs make their way into the ring and they meet the young upstarts. There’s a moment of stare down before Blanchard and Martin hug the returning Megastars. The foursome start to kick Bobby when Justin Sane, Mitch Napier, Ric Rumsky and Kris Kash rush out to save Bobby. After a while, Bobby is helped to the locker room.
Tag Team Championship: Jay Flash and Tony Johnson v. Jester and Douglas (champions)
Jay Flash sings a song for the Tag Team Champs. The refrain is “New Tag Team Champions.” That catches on with the enormous Krazy Krowd. When the action starts, Jay Flash is all over The Jester. There’s a two-count. Jay kicks Jester in the chest. The standing power bomb is next. Two count. Flash pulls Jester into the corner and Johnson is tagged in. They double team Jester, then Johnson goes for the pinfall and gets a two-count. Jester avoids a clothesline, then suplexes Johnson for an advantage. Jester side slams Johnson. Flash side slams Jester, then Douglas. Flash and Johnson dive onto their opponents on the outside. The Krazies sing Jay Flash’s “New Tag Champions” refrain. Johnson forearm upper cuts the Jester on the inside as Douglas crawls into his own corner. There’s a two count on Johnson by Jester, who was able to get his opponent down. Douglas is in and he goes to work on Johnson with a version of the Camel Clutch. Soon, all four Megastars are in the ring. The Krazies chant for Ice Man. Douglas and Jester beat Johnson down. Douglas gets a two-count on Johnson. Douglas does Jumping Jacks in the ring before tagging in Jester. They double team Johnson with boots to the throat. Jester is in with a forearm on Johnson’s back. Jester suplexes Johnson, then drops a knee onto his chest. Jester raises Johnson up. Douglas shouts “Jester Style” and Referee Smith tells him to shut up. Douglas is tagged in and he drops the fist that’s “banned in 49 out of the 50 states.” Douglas continues his assault with a pin attempt. Douglas swipes at Flash on the apron. Jester is tagged in for a Bear Hug on Ice Man. Johnson breaks out of it. Jester keeps Johnson on the mat. Jester whips Johnson into the ropes. He bounces off, hand stands into the ropes, then lands a huge kick on Jester’s head. Both men are down. Douglas is tagged in. Then Flash. Flash kicks both and drops them on the mat. Flash motions for the Canonball. He is diverted by the Jester. All four men are in. They battle to the outside. Flash rams Douglas into the wall. Flash is all over Douglas at the bar. Flash and Jester are down at ringside. The count out begins. The Jester is rolled in by Johnson, but referee Smith says neither team made it back in before the 10 count, so both teams are counted out. The Krazies want more time in the match, but without Bobby O, that wasn’t going to happen.
Golden Triangle Championship: J-Ru v. Shane Starr (champion)
J-Ru comes out and endears himself to the Krazies buy running them down verbally. The competitors circle each other before J-Ru goes into the ropes to argue with fans. Starr rolls him up and then goes for the Sharpshooter J-Ru gets out of it and rolls outside. He uses the top rope to guillotine Starr onto the mat. It’s all J-Ru as he uses the ring and ropes to his advantage. J-Ru gets Starr onto the mat and goes for a submission move but Starr gets into the ropes. That breaks the hold. J-Ru picks up Starr and snaps him over into a pinning predicament. Starr kicks out at 1 ¾. J-Ru gets Starr into the corner for a chop. Starr battles out. They trade two more before J-Ru jabs him in the eye. Starr is put into the corner and J-Ru kicks him, perhaps below the belt. Starr is down and J-Ru tries to pin him with one boot. Starr battles out and goes for a drop kick but J-Ru hangs himself up in the ropes. Starr lands on his head. J-Ru continues the assault. Referee Justin Smith pulls Starr’s hair and then snaps Starr’s throat on the bottom rope. J-Ru chops Starr the whips him into the corner. J-Ru gets Starr down again but Starr battles out. He suplexes J-Ru out of the corner. J-Ru launches Starr with his feet into the corner. There’s a tremendous thud that keeps both men down. Out of nowhere, Starr goes for the Shining Wizard but J-Ru blocks it. J-Ru nearly pins Starr. Starr goes to lift J-Ru up but he’s met with a boot to the privates. Starr kicks up as J-Ru crows then rolls J-Ru up a Sharpsburg Shooter for the win. Afterwards, Shane Starr extends a hand of friendship and J-Ru accepts. As they have their hands raised together, J-Ru takes a shot at Shane, leveling him. That doesn’t keep an agitated Starr down long. He is immediately back up and once again plants J-Ru in the Sharpshooter. He gives up even more quickly. As J-Ru makes his way to the locker room, he is met with a fist to the throat. The Latin Assassin emerges from the curtain and throws J-Ru into the ring. Latin punches and kicks J-Ru until the Charleroi Instigator bails to the outside, then away from the ring quickly. Latin grabs the microphone and says “As you can see, I’m back.”
The Revenge Tag Team Match: Ric Rumsky and Mitch Napier v. Goulet and Belanger
Ric Rumsky and Mitch Napier come in and the wrestlers formally known as the Mysterious Orange Masked Men—J.P. Goulet and Drew Belanger—slowly make their way through the crowd. Napier and Rumsky get early control but Goulet and Belanger—get more control. It should be noted that they come to the ring in casual dress: gray dress shirts and black slacks. Drew Belanger is in and applies a drop toe hold on Rumsky, then an elbow. Goulet is in and he whips Rumsky into the corner. Goulet tries to pin Rumsky but only gets two. Belanger peppers Rumsky in the corner with fists, then a big boot. James goes for the count but only registers two. Rumsky battles back and gets Belanger on the apron. Belanger gets Rumsky over the top rope and they battle on the apron. Rumsky is leveled. Belanger picks Rumsky up. Goulet goes after Napier in the corner but that only distracts James to the point that he pushes Mitch back and that allows the Canadians to continue their assault. Goulet lifts Rumsky but he lands a chin smash and tags in Napier. Napier knocks Belanger off the apron and suplexes Goulet. The Krazies chant “Mitch.” Mitch goes for an offensive maneuver but Belanger hits him in the back of the head and Goulet lands a DDT. Goulet tags in Belanger and he gets a two-count on Napier. There’s a suplex and a two count. Belanger chokes Napier while James is distracted. Two count. Napier is posted in the Canadians’ corner. Goulet snap mares Mitch and kicks him in the back—a move Goulet landed countless times in his previous KSWA run. He goes to kick Mitch for a third time but settles into a rear chin lock instead. James counts to two. Goulet paint brushes the Iowan. He lands a spectacular over the top suplex that watches Goulet fly. Rumsky is tagged in and he goes after both Canadians. Belanger hits Jimmy James with a clothesline. Goulet is in and he pounds Rumsky with punches. Rumsky goes to hit Belanger with the Superkick, but VIP Shawn Blanchard appears. He distracts Rumsky. They 3-D Rumsky and get the win. JP Goulet grabs the microphone and says that they are “Not Canadians. We never were.” He says that Bobby O gave them different names, said they were from Canada, and then fired them. But now they are back. “I am Edric Everhard and he is Tyler Cross, and we are VIPs!”
KSWA Heavyweight Championship: Justin Sane v. Lou Martin (champion)
Justin Sane, who has recorded one of the finest careers in KSWA history, makes his way to the ring, a concentrated man on a mission. Somber even. Here he faces a longtime foe in “Dr. Devastation” Lou Martin. Martin, a founding member of the VIPs, saunters his way to the ring to a chorus of “Garbage Pants.” The bell rings and the two men lock up. Justin goes for a wrist lock and perhaps bites Martin on the wrist then buttocks. Martin is more concerned with the Krazies. Justin, perhaps awed by the moment, doesn’t take immediate advantage. He snaps Martin’s arm over the top rope, then he continues the ground attack. Justin climbs the top rope then scales the ropes before dropping a forearm smash on the champion. The Krazies chant “Garbage Pants.” Justin continues the assault before Lou leads him into the corner. Lou rams his head into Justin’s back. Martin paint brushes Sane to the mat. Martin body slams Sane then asks the crowd if they want it again. He does, despite the crowd not particularly asking for it. Justin is whipped into the ropes and then hit with a side slam. It was a side slam that Demolition Smash used to beat Martin for the KSWA tag team championship in 2009. Martin then buries a knee into Sane’s back. Martin curb stomps Justin then asks if the fans want another. He lands several elbow drops instead. One count before Justin gets a shoulder up. Martin suplexes Justin and registers a two-count. Martin lands a forearm on Justin and then uses his boot on the back of Justin’s neck. Martin climbs the middle rope for a leg drop but misses. Justin crawls up and the two meet. Justin gets some offense of his own and lands a clothesline. There’s a two-count on Lou. Justin suplexes Lou and slowly crawl over for the pin. Two count on Martin. Justin goes to whip Martin into the ropes but Justin reverses it. They collide with a shoulder block and Martin falls in a heap. Martin tries for the Death Certificate but it’s blocked, with Sane landing a back body drop. Sane goes to the corner for a Frog Splash. Martin meets him instead and drops him with a side suplex and registers the win. The winner and still KSWA Heavyweight Champion is “Dr. Devastation” Lou Martin.