March 24, 2013
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist
The Joe Abby Memorial Tournament has become one of the most important events of the calendar year for many Megastars, as the burgeoning Tag Team Division really takes shape. This year was no exception. In addition, the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance takes his annual opportunity to honor those who have paved the way for Pittsburgh’s professional wrestling scene.
Semi-Final Match In the Joe Abby Memorial Tournament: Nick Crane and Sniper v. John Axx and Bobby Badfingers
The Mercenaries attack Badfingers and Axx before the bell is started. Axx and Badfingers soon recover and chase them out. Once back in, Axx and Badfingers trade attacks on Sniper. Sniper then recovers and bulldogs Badfingers. Nasty Nick is tagged in and he goes to work on Badfingers. Nick keeps Badfingers grounded and goes for the pin. Sniper is back in for a double clothesline and double elbow on Badfingers. Two count. Badfingers is in Crane’s clutches as Sniper goes to the other corner, distracting referee Jimmy James. Jonny Axx tries to get in by James stops him. That allows the Mercenaries full access to a battered Badfingers. Two count as Crane mats Bobby. James tells Crane to keep off the eyes. Sniper tries for another pinfall on Badfingers. Two count. Badfingers falls to the mat as Axx charges in to make the save. James is admonishing Axx as the Mercenaries kick the stuffing out of Badfingers. Sniper is in, Crane goes to the apron and Sniper once again taunts Axx. James pushes Axx to the apron while the Mercenaries continue their assault. Crane uses his own Canadian flag to jab Badfingers in the gut. Sniper goes for the pin but Axx dives in to make the save. Axx’s clobbering floors Sniper, allowing Badfingers to get pin as Axx chases Crane to the back. The winners are Bobby Badfingers and Jonny Axx.
Rumsky and Napier v. Johnson and Flash
Both teams shake hands and do “rock, paper, scissors” to see who starts. It’s Jay Flash and Mitch Napier. Jay Flash gets some offense before tagging in Johnson. Napier muscles his way out of the headlock and gets Johnson in one of his own. The competitors shoulder block each other in the center of the ring and then respectfully allow each other time to recoup. Napier has Johnson down with a low bridge before breaking it. Johnson reverses it on Napier and has to leap on the Iowa native to get him down. Napier fireman’s carries Johnson then allows him to tag in Flash. The two trade offensive moves to the delight of technical wrestling fans in the crowd. The two then collide in the middle of the ring and slowly get to their feet. The two men miss each other with high-flying moves. Edric Everhart and Tyler Cross hit the ring, pull Rumsky from the apron then smash him with a folding chair. A match of this importance deserves special dispensation. After some discussion, all parties agree to allow Napier to go on in a handicapped match. Napier proceeds to use his enormous strength to flip Jay Flash all over the ring. Then through the power of determination, Flash runs the ropes, flips onto Napier and floors him. Johnson is tagged in and he goes for the big kick on Napier but he drop kicks Johnson at the same time. Both men and down in a heap. The get up and proceed to energize the crowd with explosive moves. Flash is tagged in and he and Napier go toe-to-toe. Napier gets Flash in a back-breaker over his knee. Napier lands a German Suplex on Flash. Both men are down. Napier hits a cross-body block and gets two near falls on Flash. Flash chops Napier. Then it happens again. Napier, in one of the most incredible feats of strength in the annuals of the KSWA, lifts both Megastars up for the Souix Falls Slam. Johnson falls off and hits Napier with the boot and scores the win. Afterwards Flash and Johnson celebrate with Napier.
All four members of the VIPs—new members Edric Everhart and Tyler Cross, as well as founders Shawn Blanchard and Lou Martin—come out to insult the fans and extol as to why they are Pittsburgh’s cream of the crop. Cross and Everhart claim that they were the best tag team in the KSWA when they were “fired” by Owner Bobby and they immediately become the best tag team again. The VIPs say they truly run the KSWA and will forever.
Ali Kaida v. The Blood Beast
This is an unusual matchup as the combatants have been tag team partners and running mates for some time. However, this is business and the huge goliaths meet in the center of the ring. Ali Kaida floors the bigger Blood Beast and starts working on his neck. Kaida then puts the boot to Beast. Ali Kaida clubs, the hip tosses The Beast. Then there’s a huge knee to Blood Beast’s forehead. Ali Kaida whips his frequent tag team partner into the corner, then hits him with the over-the-top suplex. Beast is slow in getting up. Kaida does it again. Two count on the Beast. Beast and Kaida are on their knees, trading big right hands. The get to their feet and do more of the same. They trade chops. This is a hard-hitting match. Beast clotheslines Kaida down in the center of the ring. Beast chokes Kaida then raises him up for a power bomb of sorts. There’s a count but Kaida puts his boot on the bottom rope. Beast puts his knees onto Kaida then bodyslams him with great aplomb. Two count. Beast chokes Kaida as Jimmy James calls him out for the infraction. The Krazies are a little confused as the two rule-breakers pound at each other. Beast hip tosses Kaida then puts a knee to the center of his back. Beast uses Kaida’s own suplex on the Afghani Assault Weapon and both Megastars are spent. Kaida gets his boots on the ropes as the pinfall is attempted. Kaida falls into the ropes on the other side and grabs the timekeeper’s bell. He’s about to use it when Blood Beast scampers to the outside. Jimmy James wrestles the bell away from Kaida. Blood Beast leaves the ring, then comes back in. He spits a mist into Ali Kaida’s face and gets the win. Beast leaves a befuddled Ali Kaida in the ring.
KSWA Tag Team Championship: Jack Massacre and Super Ginger v. Del Douglas and Jester
The Jester starts it out with Super Ginger. The two unique Megastars react to the Krazies in different ways. The Jester gets Ginger in a wrist lock, Ginger reverses it. Jester mats Super Ginger, Ginger reverses the move. The two chain wrestle one another as Ginger gets Jester down. Ginger gets Jester in a near pinfall. Super Ginger gets Jester down and he tags in The King. Douglas mocks Massacre as he prances around the ring. Ginger tags in Massacre. Douglas runs from him. Douglas is invited to punch away at the 7-footer and he does, to almost no avail. In retaliation, Massacre head-butts Douglas down. Now Massacre puts a pressure move on Douglas. There’s a big European upper cut on Douglas. Douglas is posted in the corner for a splash from the Waco, Texas native. Massacre momentarily has Douglas in an abdominal stretch but Jester breaks that up. Massacre chases Jester off and Ginger is tagged in. Ginger gets Douglas down and the King screams in pain as a result on an arm bar. Ginger drives Douglas’ head into the mat. Douglas tries to roll Ginger up but that doesn’t work. Ginger pulls Douglas up and into his corner. There’s a shoulder block before Massacre is tagged in for some heavy-duty power. Ginger even gets a chop in. Ginger is tagged in again. They double clothesline Douglas, and then Massacre hip tosses Ginger onto Douglas. Ginger tries to hip toss the giant but that won’t work so they put the boots to him instead. Douglas goes low to break the momentum. Douglas gets control and tags in The Jester. He’s all over Ginger, whose throat is draped over the bottom rope. Massacre tries to come in but that’s stopped. Jester tags in Douglas, who goes to work on Ginger with punches and a bodyslam. Up next is the fist that’s banned in 49 out of the 50 states. He lands it for a two count on Ginger. Ginger tries to rally the crowd. Douglas goes for a pin but Massacre breaks it up. Jester is tagged in and he boots Ginger. Jester clubs Ginger over and over again. There’s a side suplex on Ginger. There’s a flying knee from The Jester. Two count. Douglas is angered by that. Jester slows things down with some chops. Ginger fires back. There are forearms and a double clothesline. Both wrestlers are down. The Jester tags in Douglas. Ginger tags Massacre. All four men are in the ring. Massacre administers the double noggin knocker on the champs. There’s a power bomb on Douglas. Super Ginger is ready on the top rope. Jester pulls Douglas away before the move can be executed. Massacre and Ginger wonder what’s going on as the count-out begins. Jester grabs the belts and the champs leave. The referee counts to 10 and Count out winners are Massacre and Ginger.
Hall of Fame
Kommissioner Joe Perri and KSWA Owner Bobby O make their way to the ring. They talk about the recent induction of George “The Animal” Steele the week before at Horror Realm. Next up is the induction of “Mr. Tenacity” Tommy Faime. The first of the KSWA Originals, Faime was a KSWA World Heavyweight Champion, a two-time tag team champion and a former Kommissioner. Faime, visibly emotional by the recognition, thanked the KSWA, its wrestlers and particularly its Krazies. Faime, who held the KSWA Championship for a remarkable 511 days in the early going of the organization, received a very warm and respectful ovation from the fans all night.
VIPs v. Justin Sane, Kris Kash, Shane Starr and a Mystery Partner
KSWA Owner Bobby O is revealed as the Mystery Tag Team Partner for Kash, Starr, and Sane. The 332 Krazies on hand chant out “Bobby! Bobby!” Bobby O rushes Martin and Blanchard with a double noggin knocker. Kash and Sane fly over the top ropes onto the four VIPs. The VIPs immediately bail to the outside to recoup. It takes quite a while for the VIPs to regroup after the initial attack. Kash chops Blanchard with three huge chops. Starr is tagged in then Bobby O. He European Upper Cuts Blanchard’s left arm, which is held out by Starr. Sane is in then Kash. Blanchard tags in Cross, who hip tosses Kash. Kash tags in the KSWA Champion Lou Martin. Martin starts the attack on Kash’s leg. Sane tries to break up the attack but referee Justin Smith holds him off. Everhart is in for more offense on Kash. He drops a few elbows on Kash’s left leg, which has taken a beating. Cross is back in. Cross kicks Kash’s knee then kicks him in the mush. Cross tags in The Enforcer. Blanchard and Kash are by no means strangers. Starr is taunted. The ref holds him back as the VIPs go after Kash with a vengeance. Sane tries to break up the beating but that’s unsuccessful. Smith is constantly distracted by the VIPs and that allows them to continue their beating. Kash recovers enough to flip onto Martin in the center of the ring. Kash crawls over and tags Sane. He goes for a pin on Martin but that doesn’t work. There’s a suplex that floors the KSWA Champ. Sane drops a leg onto Martin’s neck. There’s a two count. Blanchard is tagged in and they continue to pound on Sane. Expertly, Blanchard taunts Starr into the ring, that allows the VIPs to continue assailing Sane. There’s a huge spinebuster on Sane. Blanchard has Sane in the abdominal stretch. Sane’s teammates cheer the Party Gras member on. That’s not enough as Blanchard spinebusters Sane. Cross gets Sane in a rear chin lock. There’s an emphatic back elbow on Sane. Martin is tagged in. So far it’s been an easy night for the KSWA Champion. Martin suplexes Sane then there’s a two-count. Martin whips Sane into the ropes, Sane explodes out and knocks Martin down. Shane Starr is tagged in and he immediately goes for a submission move on Martin. Bobby O implores the referee to ask if he submits. Starr sides suplexes Martin twice and gets near pinfalls both times. Shining Wizard is turned into a bodyslame. Another 2 ˝ count as Martin gets his shoulder up. Drop kick. Another two-and-a-half count. Martin goes low on Starr then punches him in the forehead. Two count on Starr. Cross pounds away on Starr. Another knee to the back slows Starr down. Starr muscles out then there’s a double cross-body-block. Starr gets to the corner and tags in Bobby O. Blanchard is tagged in and he goes right after the KSWA Owner. Blanchard gouges him in the eyes. Bobby is blinded as he’s met with the bottom of Blanchard’s boot. All 8 men are in the ring. Bobby is left alone as Blanchard slowly sleeks back in. Bobby gets to his feet as Blanchard chop blocks him from behind. Then it’s time for the Figure Four. Bobby fights it briefly before tapping to the move. The winners: the VIPs. The quartet continues to beat about Bobby. Blanchard hits him with an RKO for good measure. The VIPs celebrate as the Krazies crow in opposition. Bobby’s teammates and the referees gingerly take the Owner back to the locker room. Out of nowhere, the Mercenaries attack Justin Sane and piledrive him on a wooden chair on the outside of the ring. (It was later announced that Bobby was indeed taken to a local healthcare facility, looked over then released. More on Justin Sane’s injury was not available at press time.)
Bulldozer (w/J-Ru) v. The Latin Assassin
Bulldozer takes his time entering the ring as The Latin Assassin gets the crowd excited. J-Ru, who has apparently entered into some sort of business arraignment with Bulldozer, taunts Latin from the outside and the bell is sounded. Latin gets the Krazies clapping and the two tie up in the middle of the ring. Bulldozer remains one of the strongest Megastars in KSWA history and he pushes the Assassin into a corner. Latin tries to loosen up as the crowd chants up a storm. Bulldozer gets Latin in an arm bar and he head-butts the former KSWA Champion’s shoulder. Latin reverses the wrist lock and Bulldozer climbs into the ropes. J-Ru, who has belittled Latin in recent months, in dressed in a suit, white sports jacket and he carries a tennis racket. Dozer misses with a big right hand and Latin goes to work with boots. The two meet in the middle of the ring with a shoulder block. Latin, who is no slouch in the power department, meets with the apartment building-sized Bulldozer. J-Ru goes to work on Latin on the outside. Bulldozer tries to dive on Latin, the Assassin moves and Bulldozer lands on J-Ru on the outside. Latin dives from the apron with a double clothesline on both wrestlers. Referee Jimmy James begins the count out. Latin rolls in at 7 but he goes right back out and plants Bulldozer into the apron. Latin chops the gigantic Bulldozer but the Detroit native retaliates. J-Ru hits Latin in the back, and then drives his shoulder into the ring post. The Krazies chant encouragement to Latin as the Megastars have been on the outside for quite a while. J-Ru’s tie becomes untied somewhere along the way. Bulldozer rolls Latin back in and gets a two-count. Bulldozer gets Latin in a rear chin lock as J-Ru excitedly climbs up onto the apron. Bulldozer wears Latin down. Jimmy James raises Latin’s hand twice for submission before he gets momentum at three. Latin starts to kick the mat. Soon he gets to one knee. This surprises Bulldozer. Latin buries some elbows. He goes for another move but is caught in a bear hug. How much Latin has left in the tank is anyone’s guess. Latin is laid on the mat. Two count. Latin reaches down deep for inspiration. Another two count. Bulldozer smartly keeps his 387 lbs. on the Assassin. Another two count. Latin tries to get up and uses his elbow on the back of Bulldozer’s cranium. Bulldozer, weary himself, lets go of Latin and pushes him to J-Ru on the apron. James is distracted by Bulldozer. Bulldozer remains in charge. He stalks the exhausted Latin Assassin. Latin is pulled up and the two trade blows. Bulldozer lands a huge boot and that nearly falls Latin for three. Bulldozer goes to the middle rope. He dives off and is met with Latin’s boot. He crumples into the corner as Latin slowly rolls over. Latin punches Bulldozer in the stomach. Latin rallies. Bulldozer gets Latin in a sleeper hold. Latin breaks out of it before it is properly landed and reverses the hold. He soon rides Bulldozer, who simply falls backwards. Both men scramble. J-Ru boots Latin in the ribs with the racket. Bulldozer misses with a splash. Latin hits him with two clotheslines before hitting the Lariat. He goes for the pin but J-Ru races in and causes the disqualification. Bulldozer and J-Ru attack Latin before Jack Massacre rushes in to even the odds. With the giant in, J-Ru and Bulldozer scurry to the back.
Joe Abby Memorial Tag Team Finals Bobby Badfingers and Jonny Axx v. Jay Flash and Tony Johnson
Badfingers and Axx enter first, then Flash and Johnson. Flash starts out with Axx. Instead of shaking hands with their opponents first, Flash hooks up with Axx by applying a wrist long, then a carry to flip him down. Flash tags in Johnson who flips Axx over. Twice he kicks Johnson in the back. There’s a spinning elbow and a one-count on Axx. Johnson flips Axx into the corner then applies a series of punches to his head. There are 10 punches and Axx just settles into a seated position. The offense on Axx continues as Johnson snap suplexes him in the center of the ring. Axx gets Johnson into the corner with Badfingers. Bobby is tagged in and he punches Johnson, and then clotheslines him down. Badfingers puts the boots to Johnson in the corner. Axx is tagged in and he continues the assault. Axx rolls Johnson over and into a version of the crab. Axx boots Johnson then suplexes him solidly. Badfingers is tagged in again and he continues the offense. The Legion of the Apocalypse members keep Johnson down. Johnson ducks a clothesline then lands a drop kick to fall Axx. They keep Johnson in their corner. In one swift motion, Johnson handstands off the ropes, then kicks Badfingers in the mush, toppling the Windy City Brawler. Flash is tagged in and he goes after Axx, who is also tagged. Flash and Johnson lock Badfingers and Axx up and kick them down. Flash falls Badfingers to the outside. Johnson accidently kicks Flash. Axx nearly gets a three-count. Flash is in a version of the Cobra Clutch before Axx bodyslams him. Flash and Axx collide in the center of the ring and fall to the mat. Axx pounds away on a prone Flash. Axx slams Flash down. Johnson encourages his partner. Flash nearly rolls Axx up. Then vice versa. Badfingers is tagged in and he running power slams Flash. Two count. This is a hard-hitting final match. Badfingers kicks away at Flash then suplexes him. At two Flash kicks out. Flash is on the apron. He dives over the top rope and onto Badfingers. Both men are down. Flash crawls to his corner, Badfingers to the opposite. Johnson and Badfingers are tagged in. Johnson rolls out of the way for a splash attempt. Johnson perches Badfingers on his knee. Flash dives onto him. Flash cannonballs Badfingers for the win! The winners of the Joe Abby Memorial Tournament are Jay Flash and Tony Johnson. Flash grabs the microphone and says he and Johnson dedicate the win to a friend of theirs named Taryn who recently passed away. Flash and Johnson then celebrate as the evening comes to a close.