May 5, 2013
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist
Jack Massacre, the 7-Foot-Tall, 365-lb Waco, Texas “Misfit,”looked to be in total control of the reigning Keystone State Wrestling AllianceChampion, but sometimes some things—like a baseball bat—can get in the way. TheVIPs—founders and newcomers alike—tried to make their own mark, but found varying degrees of success. The Mercenaries thought they had wiped their slate clean of Party Gras—but sometimes karma has other plans.
Mercenaries come out and take credit for “retiring” Lord Zoltan and Justin Sane
Before action got under way, the Mercenaries—“Nasty” Nick Crane and Sniper—gleefully galloped to the ring. Once inside they took the microphone and said that at Fan Fest they “retired” Lord Zoltan and after the Joe Abby Memorial Tournament it was time to usher Party Gras into the record books. They said it was time for them to take over the KSWA’s tag team division as Party Gras was no more. With that, Justin Sane comes to the ring, thanks the Krazies, KSWA Owner Bobby O and select others for giving him a shot to fulfill his dream. He said it was time to walk away and perhaps “start a family.” He leaves the ring and says, “I’ll be joining not on Bourbon Street, but [at the KSWA Arena].” Party Gras’ familiar theme song plays and a ready-to-Party-Gras Lord Zoltan emerges from behind the curtain. Party Gras gets to the ring and match is begun. The match begins with Party Gras dispatching of the Mercenaries. Sniper and Nasty Nick are on the outside when Zoltan gets the crowd staring a “USA Chant.” Zoltan beats up on Crane before tagging in Sane.He goes to work on Canada’s National Treasure’s left arm. Zoltan is in. He beats on it, and then tags Sane back in. Sane shoulder’s Nick’s left shoulder,then tags in Zoltan. The returning Megastar goes back to using his old tricks,namely the ringside wrench. Sane is tagged back in but Crane rebounds. This is his first significant offense. Sniper is back in and all over Justin. Sniper bends Sane’s neck. Referee Jimmy James if Sane gives. He responds with “Cornflakes.”The Mercenaries continue their offense on Sane. Zoltan tries to come in but he’s intercepted by James. Sniper corners Sane, then whips him into the opposite corner. Sniper splashes, and then bulldozes his opponent. The Mercenaries continue their assault. Sane is in the Mercenaries’ corner. Nick buries his knee into Sane’s neck. Sniper buries the bottom of his boot into Sane’s forehead. There’s a two-count on Sane. Nick bends Sane’s neck more. Crane tags in Sniper, who puts a boot into Sane’s belly. Sniper admonishes Party Gras for wrestling. Zoltan charges in. They even up the odds on the Mercenaries.Everyone is on the outside. James starts the count out. Crane is in at six. Sniper grabs a chair to bury Sane onto it with a piledriver. Zoltan fights with Crane as Sniper pile drives Sane onto a chair again. All four are on the outside. The count-out continues. At 10, Sniper gets back in (Zoltan doesn’t make it) and James calls for the bell. The winners are the Mercenaries. Afterwards, Zoltan chases off the Mercenaries, then helps Justin back to the locker room.
Non-Title for the Golden Triangle Championship: ShawnBlanchard v. Shane Starr
Shawn Blanchard comes out in an irritable mood. Shane Starr comes out to an impressive applause. Blanchard dives to the outside as Starr comes in with the Golden Triangle Championship, which is not on the line. Blanchard insults Starr and then tosses his t-shirt in Starr’s face. Starr turns, grabs Blanchard’s legs and immediately, upsets him and puts him into the Starr Crossed Sharpshooter. In seven seconds, the winner by submission is “The Future”Shane Starr. The Krazies are wild, Starr is celebratory and Blanchard is just astonished as to what happened.
Fatal Four-Way between the Legion of the Apocalypse
Jonny Axx, Ali Kaida, The Blood Beast and Bobby Badfingers all enter the ring with referee Jimmy James. The match starts with Beast pounding Badfingers and Kaida attacking Axx. Axx nearly rolls up Kaida as the heavy-hitting is fast and furious. Axx pounds on Badfingers and then goes Beast. He whips the Beast into Badfingers. Kaida tosses Axx into the ropes but he trips over the sprawled-out Badfingers. Bobby and Beast trade over handblows as Kaida digs his thumbs into Axx’s eyes. Badfingers grabs a chair and attempts to blast Kaida. Instead, the Afghani Assault Weapon smashes Badfingers. Beast and Axx are in the ring. Beast connects on his patented clothesline. Kaida slams Badfingers on the outside. Inside, Axx kicks outagain. Then a second time as Beast tries to make the pin. Kaida piledrives Badfingers on the outside again. Beast uses his shin on Axx’s neck. Kaida dives in and breaks up the pin. Beast takes that opportunity to beat up on Kaida. Two count on Kaida. Axx makes the save on the pin then tries to score a pin himself. A series of pins between Beast, Kaida and Axx continues. Badfingers remains on the outside. Beast uses the ropes on Kaida’s neck. Kaida suplexes Beast in the center of the ring. Axx suplexes Badfingers. Kaida sneaks up on Axx gives him the suplex. Axx gets his boot on the bottom rope. Beast drives Kaida’s head into the mat. Two count. Beast continues to pound and kick on Kaida. Kaida is in the ropes for a pin attempt. Badfingers is recovered and he goes after Axx on the apron. Beast bodyslams Kaida in an impressive feat ofstrength. Beast pulls Kaida in for a pin attempt. He drops an elbow and gets a two count as Kaida gets his shoulder up. Beast choke slams Badfingers and gets a two count. Axx and Kaida dump Beast out. Badfingers is in the Cobra Clutch.Axx kicks Kaida in the head to break up the hold. Axx goes to the top and lands a nice flying cannonball. Badfingers somehow kicks up. Axx adds a front-faceDDT and gets the pin. The winner of the Fatal Four Way is Jonny Axx.
KSWA Title: Jack Massacre v. Jack Massacre (challenger)
Jack Massacre waves to the crowd from behind the entrance way. He peaks over the 6’10” structure before entering the ring. KSWA Champion Martin hits the ring next, with baseball hat in hand. Martin jaws with the crowd, dances in the ring, tests the ropes. As soon as the bell rings he tries for a test of strength with the giant. Massacre simply tosses the North Sider to the outside. Referee Justin Smith starts the count out. Martin is back in and goes for it again. Massacre quickly puts Martin’s hand on the mat and stepson it. They are more quickly on the outside. Massacre grabs a hotdog, eats half of it, then chases Martin around the ring. The KSWA champ, who hates frankfurters, gets it smashed into his face. Martin is back in the ring and Massacre goes for the pin. Two-count. Massacre lifts Martin up by one leg and tosses him around. He grabs the leg again and twists it for a submission move.Always crafty, Martin gets a hand on the bottom rope. There’s a humongous clothesline that falls Martin. Martin spends the next few moments on the ringside table before Massacre curb-stomps him into the wood. Martin is pulled back in. Martin somehow regroups enough to go after Massacre’s knee. That offense doesn’t last long as Massacre gets Lou into a corner for the infamous stink face. Not to leave the Krazies wanting, Massacre does it again. The Krazies are howling. Massacre soon rubs his buttocks onto Referee Smith. The Krazies seem to think that he liked it. Massacre drags Martin back in. He goes for the pin but Martin gets a shoulder up before three. All of the offense is Massacre’s. Massacre tombstone piledrives Martin into the mat, but the champion’s foot instinctively goes on the ropes. That breaks the hold. Martin goes to thetop turnbuckle. Out of nowhere, J-Ru makes his way to the ring with Martin’s bat. The referee stops him. J-Ru drops the bat and races away. Martin picks it up and hits Massacre with it right in front of the ref. Smith calls for a disqualification. Massacre slams Martin and goes for the pin. It doesn’t count as the disqualification has already been decided. Massacre chases Justin Smith from the ring. He slams Martin (the champ’s head hits the ceiling as he is tossed up) again then leaves. Shawn Blanchard comes out to help Martin back to the ring.
5-Star Championship Mitch Napier v. Kris Kash (champion)
The two friends battle it out for the 5-Star championship,designed to be the most technically-savvy belt in the organization. Kash gets the early start on Napier. Kash goes old school and dives onto Napier on the outside in the first few moments of the match. Kash gets back in and goes for another maneuver but Napier reverses it and nearly pins the 5-Star champ.Napier nearly pins Kash twice in 15 seconds. Napier drop kicks Kash and gets a one-count. Napier goes for a submission move on Kash and nearly has him tied up. In recent showings, Napier has battled far-larger opponents. It’s quickly realized that Napier manhandles Kash like no other Megastar ever has. Kash is tied to the Tree of Woe and he receives an elbow for his troubles. Napier goes for a Sharpshooter-style maneuver. Kash gets to the ropes to break the hold.Napier breaks the hold and allows Kash to move. A picture-perfect Side suplex is next as Napier continues to roll Kash around. Kash, who is no slouch in the area of technical moves, swings behind Napier, breaks his hold and clotheslines the Iowa native to the mat. That allows both wrestlers to rest. Napier whips Kash into the corner but he comes out with a flip onto his opponent. Both men are down. The double count out starts. It’s up to seven when the both get up. Kash chops Napier in the corner. Kash drop kicks him and gets a two-count. Kash goes for the Whisper but Napier tosses him with gusto. Napier goes for the Sioux Falls Slam but Kash breaks out of it with elbows to the head. He gets out of the maneuver, lands Whisper in the Wind and gets the win. After the match, bothMegastars shake hands and celebrate together.
Bobby O Interview: The VIPs
The Owner of the KSWA comes out, followed by Shawn Blanchard and Lou Martin. Bobby says that no group, whether it be the Legion of the Apocalypse, the Mercenaries, nor the VIPs were going to control the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance. Blanchard and Martin come out and argue with Bobby.Blanchard says he wasn’t ready for Starr and Martin got a raw deal against Massacre, whatever that meant. Blanchard then got personal with the Owner.Bobby took umbrage at that and got more angry at the VIPs than he has ever been. Blanchard says that Edric Everhart and Tyler Cross—the newest VIPs—deserved a KSWA Tag Team title shot. Blanchard also demanded an air-tight contract to protect the KSWA Championship and keep it in the VIP family. Bobby O said that Everhart and Cross were going to get title shots, but they had to beat Joe Abby Tournament winners Tony Johnson and Jay Flash to earn the opportunity. Then the biggest bombshell came when Bobby said that he’s protect the KSWA’s top title by having Lou Martin defend it in June at Heatwave Havoc, against Shawn Blanchard. After the dust settled in that decision, Blanchard stormed off,leaving Martin alone in the ring.
Tag Team Match: Jay Flash and Tony Johnson v. Edric Everhart and Tyler Cross
If the VIPs win this match, they get a tag team title shot.Cross starts off with Johnson. Cross slaps Johnson, and he clotheslines Cross to the mat with enough force to knock Everhart off the apron. Johnson catches Cross, who attempts a cross body block. Johnson then tosses Cross over his head. Cross tags in Everhart. Flash is tagged in and offense continues. Flash gets Everhart into the corner for a drop kick. Flash chops Everhart repeatedly.Edric lands a clothesline on Flash. Everhart goes for the pin but Flash kicks up. Everhart gets to his corner and Cross is in. He gets Flash down for a two-count. Cross continues the offense with a drop kick. Johnson breaks up a pin attempt. Referee Justin Smith admonishes Johnson and that’s enough for the VIPs to double team Flash, then allow Everhart back in. Everhart and Flash trade blows. Everhart grabs Flash and smashes his rib cage with a violent abdominal move. Johnson, from the apron, leads a “Flash” chant that awakens the South Beach Warrior. Everhart flips Flash and kicks out onto his own feet in admirable fashion. Cross is back in and boots Flash in the ribs. Cross continues the assault. Cross, emulating Shawn Blanchard, applies a smashing spinebuster on Flash. Everhart is in and measures Flash for a punch to the noggin.Everhart whips Flash into the ropes and into a sleeper. Flash goes down but notout. Johnson kicks the apron as Smith walks away. Flash fights out of the maneuver and flips Everhart into his corner. Johnson is tagged in and he applies drop kicks to the newest VIPs. Then there’s a side slam. Johnson measures Cross for a boot but just as he is ready to administer the blast,Everhart knocks him aside. Everhart is then body surfed into the middle turnbuckle. Cross goes after Flash and Johnson. Johnson grabs him and Flash goes for a boot off the middle rope. Cross drops and kicks Johnson. Flash is tossed outside and Johnson kicks out of the pinfall. Cross continues the offense on Johnson as Flash and Everhart make their way to their respective aprons. Cross whips Johnson into a corner and tries for the pin. Cross, then Everhart toss their partner into Johnson. Everhart measures Johnson for a chop and series of punches. Johnson angrily reverses the action. Everhart bolts out and tosses Johnson into the corner. Everhart pulls Johnson to the center of the ring. Two count. Everhart pushes Johnson into the corner. Cross is tagged inand he whips Johnson into the other corner. Johnson scoop slams Cross with incredible force. Both men get to their corners. Flash is driven to the mat by Everhart. Flash does the same to Edric. Cross is tossed to the outside. Flashis caught on Everhart’s shoulders. Johnson drop kicks Everhart in the mush and Flash rolls him up for the win. The Joe Abby Tournament winners celebrate. Jay Flash gets the microphone and riles up the Krazies. Flash challenges The King and The Jester to a match. The King and Jester accept, right then and there.
KSWA Tag Team Championship: Flash and Johnson v. Del Douglasand The Jester (champions)
Flash and Johnson, still energized from the previous match with the VIPs, are a house a fire against Douglas and The Jester. Jester is getting beat from corner post to corner post by Flash. Jester can’t get any offense. Johnson is tagged in and he continues the assault on Jester. Two count on Jester. Johnson hits forearms on The Jester. Jester picks Johnson up and drops him over the top rope. Douglas is in and he slams Johnson. The delivers the fist that’s “banned in 49 out of the 50 states.” He calls a frizzy-haired Flash “Hawaiian Punch.” Douglas beats on Johnson then tags in the Jester.Jester assails Johnson then gets him into a rear chin hold. Johnson breaks out of it. Jester hits Johnson with a knee to the midsection. Douglas charges in and kicks, then punches Johnson. He goes for a pin but Johnson rolls him up fora two count. The Millvale duo beat Johnson and give him a side suplex. Jester tags in Douglas. They try to double suplex Johnson but he reverses the move and does it himself. Johnson tags in Flash. He goes to town on both Megastars.Flash kicks Douglas down and Jester goes after Johnson. Johnson blasts the referee with a kick to the mush. Everhart and Cross return to the ring and 3DFlash. They put Jester atop Flash. The referee tries to make the count. He does, slowly but at the last-possible millisecond, Flash kicks up. The Krazies go nuts. The Jester regroups, kicks Flash and gets the pin. The winners and still KSWA tag team champions are The King and The Jester. The VIPs return inside the ring and attack Johnson by blasting him in the arm with a chair. [It is later revealed after x-rays that Johnson suffered a hairline fracture of his left forearm. He will be out of action indefinitely.]
J-Ru v. The Latin Assassin
“The Instigator” makes his way to the ring first, then The Latin Assassin. This feud started at last year’s FanFest when J-Ru insulted The Latin Assassin and his heritage. J-Ru has used the massive Bulldozer as his muscle but this match up was the culmination of the ill-will. The two veterans lock up as J-Ru goes behind the former KSWA Champion. Latin looks for a way out as J-Ru controls the early going. He gets a headlock and Latin is able to get a couple of punches in. J-Ru flips Latin over and gets him into a modified sleeper hold. Latin is able to get out of it and drive J-Ru to the outside.J-Ru sits among the Krazies as Jimmy James administers the count. Latin won’t him immediately get back in. Latin hip tosses J-Ru over and then into a corner.Latin pushes a woozy J-Ru down. There are two two-counts. J-Ru bails again. This time, Latin follows. J-Ru is met with a punch and then the two trade blows.J-Ru smashes Latin’s arm on the apron, then bends it around the corner post.Jimmy James counts out again. J-Ru is pushed back in, then Latin follows. J-Ru beats on Latin, gets a two-count. Then another. J-Ru, who wears trunks that read “Midnight Dynamite,” continues to beat Latin in the corner. J-Ru gets Latin down and works on his left arm. J-Ru spins Latin down and gets another near pin fall. It’s all J-Ru until Latin lands a Flying Clothesline out of nowhere and gets the win. Latin slowly helps J-Ru to his feet and J-Ru fights him off. Latin offers a hand. J-Ru takes it and, expectantly, goes for a clothesline. Latin ducks it, hits one of his own and falls his opponent. Latin stands over him and puts his boot flatly on J-Ru’s chest. Thus ends KSWA MAYhem for 2013.