July 21, 2013
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist
Since Keystone State Wrestling Alliance (KSWA) Owner Bobby O hastily put up ownership of the organization earlier this month, he has been nervous. Usually personable, approachable and compassionate, Bobby O has been a nervous wreck, worried that the organization he so passionately led to glorious heights might be taken away in a slap of the mat. Meanwhile, “The Enforcer” Shawn Blanchard didn’t waver from his usual routine of partying. He wasn’t worried, because what could Bobby O bring that the five-time former KSWA Champion hadn’t already faced. He was about to find out.
Golden Triangle Champion Shane Starr, holder of the second most prestigious Singles title in the Commonwealth, also made an interesting challenge as a result of his Battle Bowl standing.
Nasty Nick v. Lord Zoltan
Sniper accompanies Nasty Nick to the ring. Lord Zoltan comes out by himself, dancing with the Krazies. It takes several minutes for referee Shawn Patrick to get everyone on the same page. “Baby Got Back” plays for a lifetime. Both Mercenaries attack Zoltan early and go for a double clothesline. They miss and Zoltan clobbers them with a clothesline with each arm. Sniper retreats to the outside as Justin Sane makes his way to ringside. Zoltan wonders if he had been sleeping. Patrick is distracted as Zoltan uses a ringside wrench on Crane. The referee tries to figure things out when Zoltan hands the object off to Sane. Sniper gets on the apron and argues with the ref as Zoltan takes the wrench back and uses it liberally on Crane. Although people cheer for Zoltan, he still more than occasionally uses questionable tactics. Crane argues with Patrick about use of the wrench. Zoltan plays innocent. Every time Patrick’s back is turned, Zoltan uses the wrench. At one point Zoltan finds a second wrench. At one point Zoltan accidentally hands off a weapon to Sniper. Or does he? The Mercenary goes to club Zoltan, but Zoltan reverses the move and clobbers Crane. He goes to the mat and Zoltan makes the pin for the cover.
Bobby O Promo with Joe Perri and Shane Starr
KSWA Owner Bobby O and Kommissioner Gentleman Joe Perri come to the ring. Perri reminds the Krazies that George “The Animal” Steele is coming to the KSWA on August 17. Bobby O gets the microphone and explains why he put ownership of the KSWA on the line. He said that nothing is more important than family and that the KSWA Universe is his “extended family.” In a very passionate manner, Bobby O explained that he would do anything for family. As he was wrapping up, Shane Starr’s music hits. “The Future” makes his way to the ring. The Golden Triangle Champion thanks Bobby O for giving his an opportunity “as a kid off the street. Now look at me.” Starr reminded Bobby that he has a title shot for the KSWA Championship and that he wants something “in writing” that would assure he still has that shot if Shawn Blanchard is victorious later in the evening. Starr says he wants a chance at the KSWA Championship at FanFest, regardless of the champion. After just a moment of deliberation, Bobby O agrees. The match is set: Shane Starr gets a shot at the KSWA Championship at FanFest. Bobby and Joe leave, Starr celebrates for a moment with the Krazies.
Fatal Four Way: Justin Sane, Blood Beast, Sniper, Jonny Axx
Axx goes after Blood Beast but Beast’s power floors Axx for a one-count. A clothesline drops him again, this time for a two-count. Sniper and Justin Sane trade blows. Sane clotheslines Sniper. Beast gets Axx into a corner and hits him with a tremendous splash. Beast goes right after Axx’s left knee, which has been suspect in recent weeks. Referee Justin Smith counts to two as Beast has Axx down. Sniper has Justin on the apron. Sniper goes after Blood Beast. Nasty Nick Crane, who has accompanied Sniper ringside, chokes Sane. Axx drop kicks Sane to the floor, where he follows for some extra-curricular pounding. Sniper takes Beast’s cue and goes after Beast’s left knee. Jonny rolls Sane back in. Momentum changes as Beast goes after Axx once he returns to the ring. Sniper continues the assault on Sane. Beast gets Axx in a rear chin lock. Sniper tries to piledrive Sane but he is successful in breaking out of the measure. Axx floors Beast. Both of those former Legion of the Apocalypse members are slow in getting up. Axx goes for a pin but Sniper breaks it up. Sane rolls up Sniper for a two count. Beast bodyslams Justin with incredible force. He goes for the pin but it’s broken up by Sniper. Axx has Sane is a move but that’s broken up by the Blood Beast. Beast goes for the double choke slam. Axx goes to break it up. Beast kicks him and slams Sniper for the win.
VIPs v. Kris Kash, Shane Starr and Kaida
The VIPs enter the ring and antagonize the faithful. Kash, Starr and their improbable partner, Kaida, hit the ring to incredible response. The VIPs bail quickly when their opponents storm the ring. The VIPs confab on the outside before hitting the apron. Tyler Cross goes after Kaida and simply bounces off of him. Cross goes for Kaida’s knee but that only angers the Afghani Assault Weapon. He suplexes Cross then clotheslines Everhart with incredible power. Starr is tagged in and he suplexes Everhart, then clubs him with increasing power. Kash is tagged in and he drop kicks Everhart to the outside. Kash dives on the trio from the top turnbuckle. Once back inside the VIPs, Everhart especially, take control. Edric smashes Kash over his knee with surprising force. Referee Shawn Patrick is distracted by the VIPs and they attack Kash. Martin is in and he goes to work on Kash. A “Garbage Pants” chant grows louder as Martin bodyslams Kash. Martin has Kash down, he powers up, but Martin hits the side suplex. Cross is tagged back in and he stomps and punches Kash. Cross ties Kash up, but the 5-Star champion powers out of the move. Cross goes for the pin but Kash gets his shoulder up before the third pinfall. Cross gets Kash in the corner and tosses Everhart on top of him with a flying splash. Kash tries to make it to his corner but Everhart stops him with a punch to the back. All four Megastars are soon in as Everhart took a swipe at Starr. Kash is down in the center of the ring and Everhart has a pin but the ref is distracted. Everhart tags in Cross. He boots Kash then tags in Martin. Martin curb stomps Kash in the center of the ring. He asks for approval for another stomp. He does it then goes after Starr. The ref is distracted and the VIPs go to work on Kash. Cross is in and Kash gets momentum to drop him. Cross and Kash trade blows. Kash is thrown into the corner, he flips out and onto Cross. Both men are down. Kash crawls to his corner and tags in Starr. Cross tags Martin. It’s all Starr on Martin. The Shining Wizard is hit on Martin. Starr asks the crowd if he should tap. Martin breaks it up. Kaida gets in, suplexes Everhart. Kaida is smashed by Cross. Kash drops Cross. Martin hits Kash with the Death Certificate and goes for the pin. Patrick won’t allow it as he isn’t the legal man. Starr grabs Martin, slaps him into the Sharpsburg Sharpshooter and wins the match for his team when Martin taps vigorously. Kash, Starr and Kaida celebrate in the ring as the VIPs regroup in the back. The Krazies go wild for Kash, Starr and Kaida.
Bobby Badfingers and Bulldozer v. Mitch Napier and Jack Massacre
Dozer and Badfingers make their way to the ring. Napier is followed by Massacre. Mitch is going to start against Bulldozer but Massacre tags in. Bulldozer asks if the crowd wants to see him take on the 7-foot-tall Massacre, but he tags in Badfingers. Badfingers starts punching away at Massacre but that doesn’t take. Massacre floors Badfingers with one punch. Then another. He tags in Napier who continues to punch away. Mitch hits Badfingers with the Flying Head Scissors but Badfingers recovers. He punches Mitch but Napier falls him again. Massacre is tagged in and he goes for Badfingers’ leg. Badfingers gets to the ropes. Massacre hits Badfingers with a tremendous clothesline. Two count. Napier is tagged back in and he snaps Badfinger’s leg. He gets a two count on Badfingers. Napier ties Badfingers up and keeps him on the mat for a series of pressure moves. Napier continues to keep the pressure on Badfingers. Mitch picks him up and Badfingers is able to whip Napier into the ropes and Bulldozer’s left knee. Bulldozer is in and drops a tremendous elbow on Napier. Referee Justin Smith is distracted as Bulldozer and Badfingers double team Napier. Mitch and Bulldozer trade heavy blows in the center of the ring. Mitch hits Bulldozer with a drop kick but does nothing but anger the behemoth. In a stupendous move, Bulldozer drop kicks Napier like a luchadore. Badfingers is tagged back in and a running power slam nearly pins Napier. More offense keeps Napier grounded. Bulldozer lands a standing power bomb that bounces the entire ring. Bulldozer, despite his size, moves incredibly quickly and with rare power. Mitch starts to power out. Bulldozer sits on Napier’s chest then follows that up with another big, big move. Bulldozer picks up Napier and slams him down. Bulldozer goes for the pin but Napier gets to the ropes. Bulldozer goes for a sit-down splash from the top rope but Napier gets out of the way. Napier gets to Massacre and Bulldozer gets to Badfingers. Bulldozer goes over the top rope and destroys the ringside table. Once inside, Massacre powerbombs Bulldozer but Badfingers has Napier wrapped up for a three count.
The King v. Sam Squatch
The King comes to the ring and then he’s met by Sam Squatch. The King jumps up and down in protest. Douglas challenges the Test of Strength but he’s easily defeated by Sam, who steps on his hands. The King, ranting, tries to bodyslam Sam, but gets nowhere on the 500 pounder. They actually lock up and Sam just tosses him around the ring. Del backs Squatch into the corner and buries a series of shoulders and fists. The King fishes a slender meat treat from his trunks. He taunts Sam, who simply buries a foot into The King’s midsection. Sam hits him with a leg drop and gets the win. Squatch dances with the Krazies as they howl in approval.
Ownership of the KSWA: Shawn Blanchard v. KSWA Owner Bobby O
Blanchard slaps Bobby O, Bobby punches Blanchard down. Blanchard, using Lawrenceville Street Fight rules, keeps digging at Bobby O. Blanchard grabs a steel chair and plasters Bobby in the back with it. Then again. And again. He goes to pin Bobby but as Justin Smith counts, Blanchard pulls him up. Blanchard says he’s not finished. He uses wrist tape to choke Bobby O. He picks him up, smashes him in the crotch, and then kicks him. Bobby is tossed to the outside. Blanchard punches Bobby in the head a number of times. Blanchard hauls Bobby O back to the PBR. Bobby pulls up and smashes Blanchard’s head into the bar. Bobby punches away at Blanchard and kicks him. Bobby O pulls a sock out of his pants and applies the mandible claw on Blanchard near the bar. The Krazies go zany. Blanchard is tossed into the wall. Bobby hits him with a trash can. The Krazies want another one. He obliges. There’s more give-and-take as the action remains far from the ring. Everyone is on their feet inside the Arena. Blanchard is in command as they make their way to the merchandise and snack tables. Both have increased in sales annually since Bobby took sole ownership of the group. Bobby is finally tossed back into the ring at the seven-minute mark. Blanchard gets the ring bell. He leisurely walks to the ring with it. Bobby has to use a low blow of his own to stilt Blanchard. Bobby picks up a steel chair and asks the fans if he should use it. Instead he drops it, in favor of the ring bell. He clobbers Blanchard with it and the Enforcer goes down hard. Bobby, empowered by the Krazies, is confident. He wallops Blanchard again and tosses the bell outside. Perhaps Bobby is too confident as he allows Blanchard to move, instead of getting the pin. Now Bobby gets the chair and hits Blanchard with it. Bobby’s first pin attempt comes at the 10 minute mark and it is only a two-count. Bobby punches Blanchard in the forehead, then walks away to get his druthers. Bobby hits Blanchard with European forearms but Blanchard, the veteran, rallies with a knee that falls Bobby O. Blanchard pulls Bobby O to the ring post and smashes his knee into the steel. Blanchard, who was busted open thanks to the bell shots, punches away at Bobby. Blanchard rakes the soles of his boots over Bobby’s forehead. Bobby is up in the center of the ring and Blanchard punches and chops away. A reverse knife edge falls Bobby. Blanchard goes outside for another steel chair. Everyone is engrossed as Blanchard grabs a chain from the other VIPs, who make their way ringside. Kris Kash, Shane Starr and Kaida come out to retrieve those VIPs and hustle them back to the locker room. Blanchard prepares to hit Bobby O with a chair. Kaida returns to the ring with the chain around his fist and goes to hit Blanchard. He misses and stiffs Bobby O with a chain-encased fist. Kaida is taken aback by the miss. Bobby O is out like a light. Blanchard hits Kaida in the back with a chair. Blanchard then gets the cover for the win. The winner and the new owner of the KSWA is Shawn Blanchard.
In true KSWA Krazy Style, the already-standing throngs start to chant, “Thank you, Bobby” for his ownership, leadership and gusto it the match. Bobby is helped to the back by several Megastars. He thanks them as he is led to the back.
And thus ends Summertime Bruise, 2013.