Starr Wins Battle Royal, Martin Rebuffs Zoltan, Kash Suffers Neck Injury

August 25, 2013
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist

The match was advertised as one for the ages: the legendary Lord Zoltan, one of the last active wrestlers who can say they wrestled with Andre the Giant, has never held the Keystone State’s most important wrestling title. He had won several regional belts, but he never held anything as significant as the KSWA strap. In fact, he never had a one-on-one opportunity to win it. That all changed with a grandiose, over-the-top match that literally had everyone in attendance wondering: “what is going to happen next?”

But first there were other matches at the fundraiser for the PA Connecting Communities organization. And oh yea, Pro Wrestling Hall of Famer and KSWA Hall of Fame member Dominic DeNucci just stopped by to cheer on Zoltan and visit with his friends in the organization. The fans ate up the fact that he was there.

Jay Flash and Tony Johnson v. the Mercenaries

Both teams enter the ring and climb to prospective posts. Flash and Johnson receive considerably more support from the crowd. The Mercenaries attack Flash and Johnson, only to have Johnson and Flash take advantage with clotheslines and hip tosses. Soon the Mercenaries are on the outside of the ring at the Teamster’s Temple. Sniper alleges that their opponents were cheating. Soon Flash and Johnson await the short-cut takers return to the ring. Nasty Nick pushes Johnson into the corner only to have the hold broken. They tie up again with Johnson forcing Johnson into the corner. Nick rakes Tony’s eyes, and then ties him up into the ropes. Boots in the midsection keep Johnson down and in the corner. Johnson battles out with forearms and a whip into the rope. Drop kick and a two count follow. Johnson pulls Crane up for more offense. Nick misses with a splash. Flash is tagged in and he jumps on Crane’s chest. Two count. Flash forces Crane into the corner for a series of short kicks. Flash drop kicks a seated Crane in the corner. Flash flips Crane down for a couple of boots. A double kick to the sternum stuns Crane and Sniper comes in to break up the pin attempt. Flash is in the ropes. Crane gets enough offense to finally allow Sniper in. They double clothesline, then double elbow Flash. There’s a two count. Sniper then connects with a right hand. Then another. Flash is reeling. Crane chokes Flash in the corner but he rallies enough to small package Sniper. Flash nearly gets a pin but Sniper gets to the ropes and referee Shawn Patrick sees it. Crane is tagged back in. Crane keeps Flash down. A tag is made but Patrick does not see it. That allows Sniper back in, without the benefit of a tag. Camel Clutch time on Flash but he battles. Flash gets to his feet and goes back-first into the corner. That breaks Sniper’s hold. Sniper keeps control and tags in Nick. Two count as Crane keeps Flash down. Crane misses a chop on Flash and he recovers for a series of big chops. Crane takes a short cut and gets a two count on Flash. Crane rakes Flash’s head over the boots. He keeps Flash down for another two-count. Sniper is in and double teaming Flash. Sniper keeps Flash from his corner. Flash gets Sniper down and goes for a move instead of going for Johnson. Sniper takes that opportunity to snap Flash across the ring with his legs. Sniper antagonizes Johnson. Johnson gets into the ring and backs Sniper up. All four men are in the ring. The Mercenaries are slammed together. Sniper is left on the mat for the Cannonball. He lands it. The count is complete at three and the winners are Tony Johnson and Jay Flash! The crowd celebrates the win with Johnson and Flash. The Mercenaries make their way back to the locker room.

KSWA Tag Team Titles: Blood Beast and Kaida v. Cross and Everhart (champs)

Blood Beast and Kaida are ready. The new KSWA Tag Team Champs are introduced, but new KSWA Owner and VIP co-founder Shawn Blanchard arrives and says they have the night off. Instead it’s a Triple Threat Match with Bulldozer! The stompin’ destruction machine comes to the ring and immediately ticks off his opponents. About 1,000 pounds is in the ring as they collide. Bulldozer gets a double clothesline and Blood Beast is bodyslammed by Kaida. At 273 pounds, Kaida is the smallest competitor in the ring. Beast slams Kaida. Bulldozer slams Beast. Bulldozer goes for the pin but that’s broken up. The battle continues with all three Megastars overpowering one another. Bulldozer is out on the floor. He kicks Beast, kicks Kaida and then hits him with the spinning clothesline. Two count on Kaida. All three behemoths are out of breath. Blood Beast continues the assault on Kaida as Bulldozer pulls himself back up onto the apron. Beast levels Bulldozer and chokes Kaida. Beast buries his knee into Kaida’s back. Beast goes for a pin on Kaida but Bulldozer breaks it up. Kaida and Bulldozer battle it out as Beast was sent to the floor. Bulldozer kicks Kaida down then lands a very impressive drop kick. There’s a two count from referee Justin Smith as Beast is back. Bulldozer double noggin knocks his opponents. Beast peppers Bulldozer in the midsection. Bulldozer lands a cross body block on both competitors then crumbles to the outside. Smith begins the count out. At seven, Bulldozer is back in. He’s hung up on the ropes as Beast tries to pull him in. Kaida nearly rolls up Beast. Bulldozer kicks Kaida in the head. Beast goes to choke slam Bulldozer but he battles out of it. Bulldozer goes to the top rope but is met by Blood Beast. Bulldozer lands a flying clothesline on Beast. Kaida picks up Bulldozer and slams him to the mat and collects the victory. The heave is an impressive one for Kaida. Kaida celebrates with the crowd as Blood Beast collects himself on the side of the ring. Bulldozer just rolls on the floor for a few moments.

Golden Triangle Championship: Douglas v. Starr (champ)

Del Douglas, as prissy and pompous as ever, hits the ring ready to regain a title he has held before. The PACC crowd is much more supportive of Shane Starr, the charismatic Golden Triangle Champion. Douglas shouts that he’s ready to bring the Golden Triangle Championship “back home to Millvale.” The bell rings and the match is underway. Starr rolls up Douglas immediately and gets a two count. Douglas is not ready to get back into action right away. Starr and Douglas jaw at one another. They tie up and Starr gets control with a wrist lock. Douglas eventually gains control and drops Starr largely by grabbing his privates and squeezing. Douglas drops an elbow, goes for the cover and nearly gets it. With referee Justin Smith distracted by ringside fans, Douglas keeps a boot on Starr’s throat. The two wrestlers run the ropes and Starr connects on an impressive running drop kick. Douglas was stunned. Starr bodyslams Douglas and asks the fans if they want to see it again. They do. He does. A two count follows. Starr tries to get ready for the Sharpshooter but Del kicks him across the ring. Douglas keeps him down. The King goes for his Royal Sharpshooter and Starr is in agony. Douglas can’t hold on and the slip is enough to allow Starr to get to the ropes. Referee Smith breaks up the hold. Starr rolls Douglas up but only gets two. Douglas is up and tries for his own easy pin but it doesn’t work. Both men are up. Starr connects on punches to the gut. Douglas is perched on the top. Starr goes for a move but he’s knocked off. Douglas goes for the punch that’s “banned in 49 out of 50 states.” Starr gets his boots up and knocks Douglas into the corner. Starr recovers, grabs Douglas and gets him into the Sharpsburg Sharpshooter. Douglas almost immediately taps out and Starr retains!

KSWA Heavyweight Championship: Lord Zoltan v. Lou Martin (champ)

Shawn Blanchard comes to the ring and introduces Lou Martin. The legendary Lord Zoltan, in his first shot at the KSWA Heavyweight Championship, dances his way to the ring. Soon, most of the crowd is dancing with the challenger as Martin and Blanchard stew on the inside. Martin races to the sound area and literally pulls the plug on Zoltan’s dancing. “I hate dancing!” shouts the champion. Moments later, Party Gras partner Justin Sane comes to the ring with a boom box that plays more of Zoltan’s ring music. It was clearly Justin Sane’s “Say Anything” moment. Zoltan dances and then leads a Conga line. Martin starts to dance in the ring and Blanchard stops the frivolity. Lord Zoltan gets into the ring and gets the microphone. He leads a “He’s a Chicken” chant. With Justin Sane in the ring, Party Gras gets a “Chicken Dance” music. Zoltan and Sane dance with Referee Shawn Patrick. The VIPS gets caught up in the atmosphere and Shawn Blanchard even joins in the dancing. The VIPs are literally up in arms. After the longest and weirdest beginnings to a Heavyweight Championship match in KSWA history, Shawn Patrick calls for the bell. The two tie up. Martin takes him into a corner where Shawn Blanchard resides. Blanchard pump handles Zoltan’s arm. They’d do it again. Then a third time. But the third time, Zoltan gets Martin into the ropes and Blanchard pump handles his arm. Martin screams “why” when it’s revealed that Blanchard had been hurting his friend. Zoltan continues the tomfoolery and gets Shawn Patrick in on the pump handle act. When Zoltan and Martin go the “thumb wrestle” route, it’s Blanchard’s leg drop that lands on Martin’s arm. The VIPs are discombobulated. Zoltan distracts the referee and may or may not land a shot to Martin’s most precious of areas. Zoltan picks Martin up, gets him into the corner and goes for a move. Martin gets an advantage with leverage, drops Zoltan to the mat and then gets a pin! Martin’s legs were sternly on the ropes. Referee Patick was informed of Martin's shenanigans and reversed the decision. Lord Zoltan officially won the match, but the belt does not change hands on a disqualification. The winner and still KSWA Champion is Lou Martin! The VIPs go to the back while Party Gras dances with the fans.

5-Star Championship: Justin Sane v. Mitch Napier (champ)

Justin Sane, already danced out from defending Lord Zoltan, comes to the ring. Mitch Napier, the brand new 5-Star Champion, comes to the ring to thunderous applause. The two shake hands and lock up. Sane gets control of Napier by the arm and wrestles him to the mat. There’s a clean break and the two are respectful. Napier gets Sane from behind and plants him on the mat. Napier nearly gets a pinfall on Sane, and then drives him into the mat. Mitch, the most technically proficient wrestler the KSWA has ever seen, gets Sane into a headlock and near pinfall. Napier wraps Justin up again and gets a near pinfall. Like when Napier wrestled Kris Kash for the 5-Star Championship, Mitch is in complete control. Napier holds on after an arm drag. Napier gets Justin into the corner for a series of shoulder blocks, and then a side slam to the mat. Napier rolls Sane up again and into a submission move. Sane will not give up. He eventually gets to the ropes with a right boot and Mitch breaks the hold. A flying head scissors drops Sane to the mat. Shawn Patrick’s left hand slaps the mat twice before Sane kicks up. Mitch picks Sane up by the legs and helicopter spins him onto the mat. There’s another two count. Mitch double underarm hooks Sane and slams him. Napier goes to the top for a flying head-butt and lands it. At two-and-a-half, Sane kicks out. European uppercuts follow from Mitch then a drop kick. Two count. This match has been almost entirely all Mitch Napier. Mitch goes to the top rope again. Justin gets to his feet and catches a flying body block. Two count again. Napier gets Sane up for a side slam, but instead slams him onto his left knee. Twice. There’s another near pinfall as Mitch gets two. Out of nowhere, Sane lands a leg drop that falls Napier. Sane goes up for a Frog Splash but Mitch quickly meets him. Napier incredibly hoists Justin up for the Sioux Falls Slam from the middle rope and lands it. Napier gets the win. He celebrates as Justin slowly gets to his feet. The two Megastars meet in the center of the ring and shake hands. Justin leaves as the fans love on Napier.

The Battle Royale

Everyone except Lord Zoltan, Kaida, Kris Kash and Shawn Blanchard are in the ring. Bulldozer gets someone’s Steeler hat and stomps on it. Tony Johnson and Lou Martin battle it out. Sniper and Nick Crane are all over Justin Sane. Del Douglas gets stomped by Jay Flash. The Blood Beast works on Mitch Napier. Fans cheer for Ice Man has he kicks away at Bulldozer. Del Douglas is eliminated. Sniper and Justin Sane are eliminated. Bulldozer fights off about 6 would be eliminators. Somewhere along the line Bulldozer lost a boot and he was using it as a weapon. Flash stomped on Bulldozer’s bare foot. Mitch nearly gets eliminated by Blood Beast but he holds on. Bulldozer kicks him off the top rope. Johnson has been eliminated by Martin. Flash, Starr, Martin, Crane, Blood Beast and Bulldozer remain. All but Martin eliminate Bulldozer. Joey Quervo rushes in and is immediately eliminated by Martin. The final four are Shane Starr, Jay Flash, Nick Crane and Lou Martin. They eliminate Flash. Crane and Martin take turns pounding on Starr. Crane is eliminated when Starr tries to eliminate both. It leaves Lou Martin and Shane Starr. Starr clotheslines Martin and then dumps him over the top rope for the win! Starr celebrates with the crowd.

Kris Kash v. Shawn Blanchard

Kris Kash races to the ring as usual. The fans in attendance are beside themselves. “The Enforcer” Shawn Blanchard, the Owner of the KSWA, comes to the ring full of himself as usual. Referee Justin Smith calls for the bell. Blanchard bails to the outside and the ref nearly calls him out. They get in and they tie up. Kash gets a hand on Blanchard’s wrist and drops his arm over the top rope. Kash holds on, goes to the top rope and arm drags him from the top rope. Kash asks if the fans want him to break Blanchard’s arm and they roar in approval. Blanchard gets out of it and pokes Kash in the eye. A bodyslam follows. Blanchard may have something in his hand as he goes after Kash’s throat. In the corner, Smith calls for the count of three out of five. Blanchard shouts, “I have five” and takes Kash to the other corner, then flips him onto the mat. Blanchard digs and gouges at Kash’s mouth. Referee Smith counts to four then breaks the illegal maneuvers before being disqualified. Blanchard chops Kash in the solar-plexes and then distracts the ref as Blanchard stomps on Kash’s gentlest of areas. Blanchard uses a small wrench on Kash again before disposing of it at ringside. Kash is dumped over the top rope. Blanchard chops Kash on the outside. Kash returns the chop with several more. Kash rolls in and to the top corner post. He flips onto Blanchard at ringside. Kash jumps to his feet and the crowd roars in approval. Blanchard goes head-first into the ring post. Kash rolls Blanchard back in. Kash flies onto Blanchard with a cross body block. A two count follows. Kash gets Blanchard down again for a two count. With Blanchard in a corner, Kash chops him in the chest. Blanchard falls to the mat. Kash follows with a leg drop and a two count. Blanchard gets to his feet and lands a back elbow on Kash. Blanchard rests in the corner as Kash is slow in getting up. Blanchard promptly hits Kash in the crotch and falls the former 5-Star Champ. Kash rolls on the mat as Blanchard gets to his feet. Blanchard hits Kash with a chop in the corner. Then there’s a second shot. Kash is posted onto the top of the corner post. There’s a big right hand that rattles Kash. Kash goes for a big leg drop but Blanchard rolls out of the way. Kash is very slow in getting up. Blanchard chop blocks him from behind. Blanchard gets Kash into the corner and slams his leg into the corner post. Blanchard suplexes Kash on the outside. Referee Justin Smith counts to six before Blanchard rolls in and then back out. At four, Blanchard rolls Kash in. At five, Blanchard finally makes it back in. Blanchard whips Kash into the ropes and slaps on the Sleeper in the center of the ring. Smith goes for the count out but Kash gains momentum at two. Kash is almost hit with a huge bodyslam. The fans chant for Kash at ringside. Kash flips from the corner and onto Blanchard. Kash flips onto Blanchard from the top rope and scores the victory! As he celebrates, Blanchard attacks from behind. Blanchard slams him to the mat. Blanchard then attacks the referee. Blanchard then pile drives Kash in the center of the ring. He calls for another and lays Kash out. Then there’s a third time. Kash lies motionless in the ring, along with referee Justin Smith. Blanchard still leaves in a huff. Justin Sane, Shane Starr and Mitch Napier make their way to the ring to help Kris Kash.

Thus ends the PACC fundraiser.