The Keystone State Wrestling Alliance (KSWA) is always elated to travel across the Allegheny River from the city for Millvale Days. However, the night wasn’t so grand for KSWA Champion Lou Martin, who lost a unique non-title match against Lord Zoltan, in which the loser must don a chicken suit for the match on Saturday afternoon.

5-Star Championship Now A Triple Threat Match

Originally scheduled as a straight-up challenge from J-Ru, new KSWA Owner Shawn Blanchard inserted one of the newest VIPs—Edric Everhart—into the 5-Star Championship mix. This would be a heady and hearty challenge for Mitch Napier, to face Everhart and J-Ru. Once inside the ring, J-Ru taunts the crowd, then Mitch Napier goes to the corner for cheers. Edric argues that he’s not doing any of that preening. Everhart argues with J-Ru and says he’s not “doing any of that” and Mitch knocks their heads together. The fans in attendance find that hysterical. The action is fast and furious when Everhart floors Napier and gets a two count. J-Ru and Everhart argue about who is going to get the win while they beat Mitch up in the ring. J-Ru splashes Mitch in the corner and Everhart gets J-Ru with a double knee to the back. The double-cross shows how important the 5-Star Championship has become. Everhart keeps the action on both men, but J-Ru knocks him out of the ring and nearly gets a pin on Napier. J-Ru goes for an impressive arm bar on Napier and the submission move challenges the 5-Star Champion’s resolve. Mitch gets out of it by using pure power. They fall. Everhart implores J-Ru to work with him. They double suplex Napier and congratulate themselves. They go to pin him together but referee Justin Smith won’t allow it to happen. They continue to argue over who will pin the 5-Star champion. Mitch breaks a double clothesline attempt and hits one himself. Mitch drops the big elbow on J-Ru and Everhart breaks up the count attempt. Napier buries his shoulders into J-Ru’s midsection, then super-plexes him off the top rope. Everhart pushes Napier out of the way and stomps J-Ru’s head into the mat. Mitch gets Everhart into the Sioux Falls Slam and drops him on J-Ru. He pins both challengers for the win.

The Friday the 13th Handicap Match

The Mercenaries hit Blood Beast with a flag pole but that only fires the giant up. He hits them both with big right hands. Beast then rakes Sniper’s eyes. Nasty Nick clips Beast from behind. Nasty Nick then distracts referee Justin Smith as Sniper adds more punishment to Blood Beast’s left leg. They raise him up, then drop him down again. The Mercenaries continue to keep Beast grounded. Sniper is choking the Beast right in front of the referee. Sniper gets Beast into the corner and digs at his mouth. Referee Smith is once again distracted by Crane as Sniper administers punishment. Beast gets some momentum and splashes Crane. Then he bodyslams the Canadian Treasure in the center of the ring. Sniper gets Beast down as they continue to administer punishment. Beast gets up and clotheslines Sniper. He attacks Crane and bodyslams him again. Beast goes for a pin but that’s broken up by Sniper. The Mercenaries regroup and go for a slam. Beast breaks it up and hits a double clothesline for the win. The Friday the 13th Handicap Match was not a thing of beauty.

Loser Wears A Chicken Suit Match: Lou Martin v. Lord Zoltan

Zoltan starts to dance with the Millvale Krazies. Zoltan goes through the crowd. Members of the crowd dance with the legendary wrestling icon. Zoltan continues his pre-match shenanigans and Martin is ready to pounce. As usual, Zoltan’s pre-match silliness goes on for quite a bit. It’s all a part of his winning psychology. Shawn Blanchard, who has accompanied Martin to the ring, chases kids out into the mob of fans. Martin is ready to go. The bell rings and they begin. Martin chases Zoltan around the ring and the former tag team champion grabs the champion by the wrist. He pumps Martin’s arm until Martin grabs it. Martin proceeds to gets Zoltan onto an apron. That’s where Shawn Blanchard awaits for a pump of the arm. They do that again. The third time Zoltan makes the switcheroo and it’s Martin who gets the arm pump from Blanchard. Once Blanchard realizes it’s Martin, he lets go and the KSWA Champion crumples onto the mat. Zoltan goes for offense with a laid-out Martin. The referee is distracted and Zoltan kicks Martin in the jewels. He goes for it again, but that gets Blanchard on the apron. The Enforcer protests enough to distract the referee. That’s enough for Zoltan to do it again. Zoltan buries a knee into Martin’s groin as the referee is once again distracted. Martin is in the corner. The veteran gets out and distracts the ref enough to allow Blanchard to take control of Zoltan in the ropes. Martin goes away from the scene of the crime again and allows Blanchard to choke Zoltan again. Blanchard grabs a ringside wrench and Zoltan is at Martin’s mercy on the apron. With the referee distracted again, Blanchard uses the wrench on Zoltan’s windpipe. Martin pulls Zoltan away from the ropes but the KSWA Hall of Famer holds onto the rope with his feet. Martin pulls a nearly-passed-out Zoltan away from the ropes and for a pin. Zoltan gets his foot on the ropes. The illegal activity continues as Blanchard continues to pound on Zoltan. Martin crows to the crowd as Blanchard chokes Zoltan in the ropes for the 17th time. Martin asks if he should “end it now.” Blanchard holds Zoltan up on the ropes. Martin goes to punch Zoltan, but Zoltan ducks, the fist finds Blanchard. Blanchard falls away and Zoltan rolls Martin up for the three-count. The winner is Lord Zoltan. Lou Martin must wear a chicken suit for a Party Gras v. VIPs tag team match Saturday afternoon.

Super Ginger v. Del Douglas

Super Ginger dances his way to the ring, then is met by Del Douglas. They go for a “Test of Strength” challenge and Douglas balks. Ginger punches Douglas then then hits him with clotheslines. Douglas gets him from behind and Ginger shakes him by running around the ring. Douglas is soon on the asphalt Millvale Street. Douglas argues with fans at ringside, those he calls “peasants.” Ginger follows him down, levels a right hand, then dumps him back in. Douglas gets an advantage once inside. Ginger is floored and Douglas gets a two-count. King drops an elbow. Douglas buries a knee in Ginger’s throat. He keeps the illegal tactics going. Douglas chops Ginger but he just follows with slaps to his face. Douglas falls Ginger. King goes for the punch that’s banned in 49 out of 50 states. Ginger gets his knees up and it stops Douglas cold. Super Ginger rolls Douglas up for the win.

Shawn Blanchard v. Justin Sane

The opponents come to the ring and Blanchard forces referee Justin Smith to check Justin Sane twice. A minute after the bell rings, they opponents lock up. The two lock up and Blanchard tosses Sane across the ring. Blanchard might have something in his right hand as he buries his first into Sane’s throat. Blanchard gets Sane down and digs his fingers into Justin’s face. Blanchard places Sane in the middle rope and continues to dig away. Blanchard gets Sane into the corner and buries an elbow. Sane comes out of the corner and chops away at Blanchard. Sane pulls Blanchard’s trunks down just enough that the Millvale residents get a peek at a half moon. Blanchard bails to the outside and fixes his trunks. Once on the apron, Sane brings Blanchard in the hard way. Sane suplexes Blanchard in the center of the ring. With Blanchard in the corner, Sane continues the attack. Blanchard turns that around and gives Justin a spinebuster. There’s a two-and-a-half count. Justin slowly gets up and Blanchard buries his fingers into the former tag team champion’s eyes. Blanchard has him in the corner. Sane whips Blanchard out. There’s flying head scissors that fall Blanchard. Sane goes for the frog spash but Blanchard gets his knees up and into Sane’s belly. Blanchard gives him the Slingshot Suplex and records the win.

Golden Triangle Championship: The Jester v. Shane Starr

The Jester is in rare form, dancing in his hometown of Millvale. Shane Starr’s hometown is from just up the road in Sharpsburg. The Krazies in Millvale assuredly are in Starr’s corner. Starr and Jester circle the ring before locking up. Starr goes behind The Jester and quickly gets him into an arm bar. Jester gets out of it and gets Starr in a headlock. Starr gets up and gets Jester in the move again. Starr rolls him up and nearly gets a pin. The Jester recovers, gets a wrist lock and kicks Starr down. Starr rebounds and gets Jester down quickly for an attempt at the Sharpsburg Shooter. Jester and Starr soon run around the outside of the ring. Jester gets in first and puts the boots to Starr. A fall away slam gets Starr down. There’s a one-count. Jester buries his shin in Starr’s throat. Jester kicks at Starr then rides him in the middle ropes. A side slam puts Starr down. Two count. Jester pulls Starr up but the Golden Triangle Champion punches away. Starr nearly puts The Jester away with a roll up. Jester gets up and buries a knee in Starr’s gullet. Jester keeps the pressure on Starr by giving him a snap mare, then burying a boot into his back. Jester laughs as he hits a fall away cannonball splash on the fallen Starr. Two count. Jester beats the mat with his fists. Jester whips Starr into the ropes and hits him with a big elbow. Jester catches Starr in a bear hug. Jester says that the Golden Triangle Championship is “his belt.” Starr fights out of it and drop kicks the Jester. There’s a perfect plex. Two count. Starr splashes Jester and gets him up for the Shining Starr suplex. Jester breaks out of it and kicks Starr down. Two count. Jester prepares to go to the top rope. Starr gets to his feet. Starr blocks the dive from the top, sets Jester up for the Sharpsburg Shooter. The Jester fights it for half a minute, then taps the mat, conceding the match to Starr.

That concludes the first day of Millvale Days, 2013.