September 15, 2013
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist
Friday night, Keystone State Wrestling Alliance World Heavyweight Champion “Dr. Devastation” Lou Martin lost a non-title match to Lord Zoltan. The stipulation was whoever lost that match had to wear a Chicken Suit for the match Saturday afternoon. Martin, a two-time champion, was not ecstatic with the outcome; however, he did not cry fowl. He wore the yellow costume Saturday afternoon.
Also the annual “Millvale Battle Royal” has become quite a tradition and Millvale Days tradition. Earlier in the day, “The King of Millvale” Del Douglas came down from his 10-bedroom palatial estate and walked the entire parade route. “The King” assuredly made friends along the way as he demanded “peasants bow before me.” He was elated to find some residents who did bow to their royal highness. It was Douglas’ first appearance in many years at the parade. Residents were not disappointed with his return. Some even reacted to his match later in the day.
Tyler Cross v. Jay Flash
Tyler Cross enters the ring first, then Jay Flash comes in to a thunderous round of applause. The two feel each other out before Flash goes for a headlock. Flash runs the ropes then floors Cross with a shoulder block. Cross complains about Flash to referee Justin Smith. Flash locks it up again and then floors Cross again with a shoulder block. They both are on their feet when Cross gets an advantage. Flash recovers, splashes Cross, then misses with a big boot in the corner. Cross gets an advantage and gets Flash on the outside apron. Cross gets Flash down and gets a two-count. Cross keeps the momentum up until Flash regroups with clotheslines and other fast moves. A back body drop on Cross gets Flash ready for the cannonball. He misses, Cross and Flash hit each other with power moves. Flash drops Cross again and this time hits the cannonball. Flash records the victory after an exciting display by both Megastars.
Super Ginger v. “The King of Millvale” Del Douglas
Super Ginger plays his unusual shenanigans in the ring, and then The King (along with The Jester) comes to the ring. Super Ginger waterboards Douglas in a way, then bites him in the forearm. Douglas battles out and grabs Ginger from behind. Ginger shakes him and The King falls to the outside. Douglas and The Jester jaw with the crowd. Ginger rushes him back in but Douglas gets control. Ginger is in the corner for a splash. The King keeps control as Jester chokes Ginger in the corner. Referee Shawn Patrick is distracted but Douglas says “nevermind” and continues his assault. Douglas grabs Ginger by the privates and chops him down. That doesn’t deter Ginger. Ginger’s offense is short-lived as Douglas gets offense. Jester gets on the apron. Ginger knocks him down, and then turns right into Douglas’ boot. Douglas’ finishing move, “Drop it Like It’s Hot” and the fist “that’s banned in 49 out of the 50 states” are next from the middle rope. The pin is recorded and Douglas is your winner. The Jester carries Douglas in the ring, and then again to the back in celebration of the win.
Bulldozer v. Blood Beast
It’s a battle of mammoth men. Bulldozer announces to the crowd that he will go home if the folks say “Bulldozer Sucks.” They do. He doesn’t. The bell rings and they lock up in a test of strength. It’s pretty even for a while, and then Blood Beast turns it into an arm bar. Bulldozer gets to the ropes and forces the break. They slap each other in the face. Bulldozer forces Beast into the corner for a series of splashes. Blood Beast recovers and gets Bulldozer down for a pin attempt. Two count. The big men continue to hit each other hard. Blood Beast really clobbers Bulldozer and attempts a whip. Bulldozer gets Blood Beast into the ropes and Bulldozer soars onto his neck. The two get to the center of the ring. Bulldozer attempts to bodyslam Beast but that doesn’t work. They continue to hit each other with enormous power. Beast is down. Bulldozer climbs to the top rope. Incredibly. He’s ready to soar when Blood Beast scoots out of the way. They get to their feet together. Beast kicks Bulldozer. Bulldozer hits Beast with a super kick. A standing cannonball splash is next and that’s enough to keep Blood Beast down for a three count. Bulldozer is your winner.
Bobby Badfingers v. Joey Quervo
Badfingers takes the immediate advantage over Joey Quervo. Before it gets started, it’s over. Badfingers is your winner with a fall away slam.
Golden Triangle Championship: J-Ru v. Shane Starr
J-Ru takes the microphone and says that the fans should cheer for him. They don’t. Shane Starr comes to the ring and gets the real applause. The bell rings and the Megastars circle each other in the ring. Dozens of kids at ringside chant “Shane Starr.” Starr goes to lock up but misses as J-Ru ducks it. J-Ru goes for a splash in the corner but misses it. Starr hits J-Ru and he falls to the outside. Starr chases him out. They battle for a few moments before getting back in. J-Ru takes control once inside. J-Ru has Starr in the corner and then whips him across the ring. Starr is seated in the corner when J-Ru hits him with a drop kick. J-Ru is still in control. Two count on Starr. J-Ru has his shin on Starr’s throat as he argues with referee Justin Smith. J-Ru suplexes Starr and goes for a chop. Starr ducks it and clotheslines the challenger. There’s a bodyslam. Starr picks him up. Another bodyslam. Two count. Kids at ringside are shrieking with excitement. J-Ru gets some offense and buries a shoulder into Starr’s midsection. Starr regroups, drops J-Ru and latches on the Sharpsburg Sharpshooter. J-Ru fights for a while but ultimately taps. The winner is Shane Starr.
5-Star Championship: Jester v. Mitch Napier
The Jester comes to the ring in freakish galore. Mitch Napier comes to the ring with great applause. The bell rings and The Jester does a cart wheel. He’s elated with his own move. The two grapple for a few minutes with Jester getting some early points. Mitch, however, tosses The Jester around. They trade wrist locks. Mitch drop kicks The Jester and posts him in the corner. Mitch cross-body presses Jester from the top rope. He follows that with Russian uppercuts. Jester recoups. Jester uses dirty tactics to knock and keep Mitch down. Mitch is draped over the middle rope and Jester gets a two count on the 5-Star Champion. Jester buries knees into Napier’s back. Jester lifts a knee into Mitch and suplexes him. The Jester continues on with the offense. Jester tells Mitch to stay down. They collide in the center of the ring when each goes for a cross-body block. Napier goes for a pin but only gets a two count. Jester blocks the Sioux Falls Slam and superkicks him. Napier fights out of that and grabs The Jester up for the Sioux Falls Slam. This time he lands it and gets the win to retain the 5-Star Championship. Jester really put up a tremendous fight.
Exhilaration builds as this match has become one of tradition in Millvale as well as the KSWA. Super Ginger, Bobby Badfingers, Sniper, the Blood Beast, Shane Starr, Jay Flash, Mitch Napier, The Jester and The King Del Douglas are all in the match. The match is the usual blend of power and unusual pairings for success. Once Flash was eliminated, it left Shane Starr, Mitch Napier and the Millvale two-some. Douglas and The Jester were able to work together and dump Starr. They took an opportunity to go after Napier, but he ducked down and pulled the top rope with him. That led to Douglas and The Jester to tumble over the top rope and onto Main Street below. Mitch Napier is your winner and the fans at ringside went absolutely insane in celebration.
Party Gras v. The V.I.P.'s
Because of his Friday loss, Lou has to wrestle in a chicken suit. There are feathers flying everywhere when the match begins. Martin and Blanchard crow on about the fans that are chanting things Martin’s way. Lou clucks, prances and flaps his wings. Blanchard and Zoltan start out. Justin leaps over Zoltan, who has Blanchard by the wrist. Blanchard pokes Justin in the eye. Blanchard buries a knee in the long-time foe. Martin is tagged in and he flies onto Sane. For the second time, they pump-handle Justin’s arm. Blanchard does it a third time to Justin. Justin gives Blanchard Martin’s arm and they pump-handle it. Blanchard realizes that he has Martin’s arm and lets go. Martin crumbles to the mat and clucks. Zoltan grabs Martin and wants to kick him “in the giblets.” He does when referee Shawn Patrick turns the other way. Zoltan touts Martin’s “chicken breasts.” Zoltan wants to kick him the giblets again. He does again with the ref turned away. Martin crawls away and buries his head into Blanchard’s midsection for comfort. Blanchard is tagged back in. Blanchard readies to tangle with Zoltan. Zoltan pushes Blanchard into a corner. They go down for the thumb wrestle challenge. Shawn Patrick goes down and administers the count. Lou jumps in and onto Blanchard’s arm. Fans at ringside howl in laughter. Zoltan has Blanchard in an arm bar. Zoltan cheers on the crowd. They like the advantage he has on Blanchard. Justin Sane is tagged in for an arm bar on Blanchard. Justin climbs to the top rope and drops a fist onto Blanchard’s shoulder. Blanchard gets momentum and knees Justin in the chest. Martin is tagged in. Martin, in the most spectacular fashion (wings extended), splashes Justin. Then he administers a “cluck stomp.” Blanchard is tagged in and he punches Justin in the head. Back elbow on Justin, then and elbow drop. Two count from Patrick. A shadow tag is made and Martin is back in, with full costumed galore. Justin is in the middle rope. Blanchard takes advantage with the referee distracted. Martin drops a leg on Sane. There’s a double clothesline in the center of the ring. Zoltan leads a “Chicken on the Hill” chant. Blanchard is tagged in, as is Zoltan. Zoltan double noggin knocks them. Zoltan has Martin, Sane has Blanchard is separate corners. The VIPs are rammed together in the center of the ring. Martin falls to the outside, while Blanchard is situated in the middle of the ring. Justin climbs to the top rope. He lands the Shock Therapy frog splash on Blanchard and Party Gras scores the win. The crowd is excited.
That concludes the 2013 edition of Millvale Days.