Wildest, Most Unpredictable KSWA Event Ever Features Returning Roberts

October 13, 2013
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist

When Shawn Blanchard defeated Bobby O for ownership of the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance (KSWA) some thought that might be the end for one of the city’s most prestigious sports franchise owners. Still a wealthy man despite the unfortunate loss, Bobby O has spent the summer representing the KSWA on behalf of PACC, Millvale Days and most recently the KSWA Championship Committee. He has traveled to Egypt, the Holy Land, and an owner’s suite at new Busch Stadium in St. Louis. He was on the “short list” of important Pittsburgh celebrities slotted to throw out the “ceremonial” first pitch had the Pirates continued on their MLB baseball playoff run. But at Autumn Annihilation, the most successful Pittsburgh professional wrestling owner in nearly 40 years made his triumphant return to the KSWA Arena and with big news.

The event also signified the return of a Megastar who toiled in the early days of the KSWA and carved his own legacy, only to be marred by injury. “Mr. Puniverse” Bob Atlas once again strutted his way inside the Arena.

But first there was other action in the October Classic.

Jonny Axx v. Joey Quervo

Before action begins, Jonny Axx grabs the microphone and acknowledges Bobby Badfingers, who has been calling himself the “Baddest Man in the Company.” Axx says that he nothing “personal” against Joey, but he was going to take him out in convincing fashion. Quervo comes out, takes a new brew and settles into the corner. Joey takes a swig and places the beer near his corner. The bell rings and Axx takes complete control, hip tossing the Luchadore to the mat. Referee Justin Smith counts two as Axx goes for a quick pin. A lightning-quick suplex snaps Quervo, only for a two count. Axx posts Quervo in the Tree of Woe, drops a leg and then splashes him. Quervo is situated in the center of the ring and Axx hits a cannonball from the top rope and scores the significant victory in less than two minutes.

King and Jester v. Flash/Johnson

The King and Jester arrive in loud, incredible fashion. That response is only second to the ruckus ovation for Jay Flash and “The Ice Man” Tony Johnson. The Krazies scream like a soccer crowd for Jay Flash. Del Douglas violently jumps up and town in disgust. The bell rings and The Jester shakes his buttocks to the crowd. They moan and shudder in disbelief. The Jester and Johnson lock up but Flash is immediately tagged in. Some punches are laid in and Johnson is tagged back in. Flash is tagged and he goes for a quick tag on Jester. Two count. Johnson is in and hip tosses The Jester in the center of the ring. Johnson, who like Kojak has a sucker in his mouth throughout the match, flips up once Jester knocks him down. The team that calls themselves “The New Tag Champions” is in complete control of The Jester. They pound frequent rights into The Jester’s skull. He falls and Johnson gets a two-count. Johnson still has a sucker in his mouth. Flash is tagged in and he jumps on Jester, getting a two-count. Douglas is shouting like a lunatic at the referee and for The Jester. Flash kicks Jester. Two count. Flash picks him up with a wrist lock. Johnson is in and slips Jester him over for a two-count. Flash is tagged in. The match has gone four full minutes and Douglas has not entered the ring. Flash and Johnson have tagged in and out a dozen times. Jester finally gets some offense and tags Douglas in at the 4:30 mark. Jester has Flash in the corner as Douglas distracts the referee on the other side of the ring. Douglas gets Flash down for a two count. Jester is tagged in and they double-suplex Flash. Douglas shouts, “Jester Style” as his ward puts the boots to Flash. Flash tries to rally his fans. He gets Jester up but the clown-inspired villain puts a knee into Flash’s gut. He follows up with a barrage of boots. He gets a two-count on Flash. The Krazies chant for Flash. Jester muscles him into the corner. Flash reverses the move and then Jester does it to Flash. Flash suplexes Jester and both men are down and spent. At the seven count, the other Megastars are tagged in. Johnson is on fire, leveling both opponents. Johnson gets Douglas down. The Jester gets up and throws Johnson out. Jester punches Flash as he prepares for the cannonball on the top rope. Jester gets Flash down but Smith won’t count as Jester isn’t the legal man. Irritated, Douglas goes to hit an opponent but punches The Jester by accident. Johnson drop kicks Douglas down and gets the hard-fought win in under 10 minutes. The Krazies explode in excitement.

Interview with Bobby O (appearance by Shawn Blanchard)

Former KSWA Owner Bobby O, on assignment as designated representative of the independent Championship Committee, comes to the ring. He talks about how his summer has been exciting. He is told that his application for a Manager’s License has been approved. This brings out a stomping Owner Shawn Blanchard. He is incredulous to the news that Bobby O will be involved again. He gets into Bobby O’s face and insults him. Bobby O summons the courage to plant a stiff right hand on Blanchard’s jaw. Bobby O says that he is “coming after” Shawn Blanchard and the VIPs. Bobby leaves emboldened. Blanchard has never been more stunned, shocked and surprised.

Zoltan v. Justin Sane

Both members of Party Gras come out, dancing. Shawn Blanchard returns to ringside, steamed. He says that Zoltan and Justin would go one-on-one. The bell rings and the former tag team champions shake hands. They lock up with Zoltan forced into the corner. There’s a clean break. They cinch up again and there’s another clean break. Zoltan goes behind Justin and wrestles him to the ground. Never before have these wrestlers started with a series of technical moves. Zoltan goes to shake Justin’s hand and the KSWA Hall of Famer pulls his hand away, in defiance of his tag team partner. They lock up again in the center of the ring and Zoltan forces Justin to the mat. Zoltan has Justin in an arm bar and Justin shows a fist. Zoltan forces him down from behind. Zoltan elbows Justin in the arm and Sane kicks the mat. Justin reverses the hold and then does Zoltan. They reverse wrist locks several times and Justin is forced down again. Zoltan works on the left leg. Zoltan lets his tag team partner’s leg go. Zoltan pushes Sane into the bottom rope and he kicks Sane’s knee repeatedly. The ref makes him stop it. Sane Sunset flips Zoltan twice before Zoltan head butts Sane in the crotch. Sane immediately gives up. The winner by “No Mas” is Lord Zoltan. Lord Zoltan refuses the victory, saying he doesn’t want to “win this way.” Zoltan helps Sane to the locker room. The zaniness is just ramping up.

El Skeletorios v. Bobby Badfingers

El Skeletorious, a cousin of La Lucha and International superstar, dances his way to the ring to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” The 17-time Mexican Champion doesn’t get settled in the ring when Bobby Badfingers charges in from behind and starts clubbing. El Skeletorious, awash in a sea of spilled candy he originally brought to the ring, is picked up, bodyslamed, side-slammed and pummelled. The Mexican import gets a little bit of offense in, but “The Baddest Man in the KSWA” slams him in the middle of the ring and scores the win. Afterwards, referee Justin Smith drags a nearly unresponsive El Skeletorious to the locker room.

Casket Match for the KSWA World Tag Team Championship: Kaida/Beast v. Cross/Everhart

The match quickly goes out onto the floor. Kaida goes to spear Tyler Cross but ends up flying over the ring steps. Garbage cans, broom handles and other auxiliary items are used as the VIPs—Cross and Everhart—gain early control over their opponents. Cross plants a garbage can on Kaida’s head and then he kicks him. Garbage is strewn all over the floor. Blood Beast manages some offense but the number’s game is too much for him. Everhart clubs Beast down with a broom handle. Beast tosses Everhart into the ring. Beast goes to choke slam Cross on the cement but he blocks it. Cross puts the garbage can on Beast’s head and Everhart dives from the apron and kicks him. Cross takes Kaida over to the Casket. Kaida battles out. The Casket lid remains open as Cross goes after Blood Beast and Everhart attacks Kaida. Kaida battles both men and throws Everhart into the wall near the Casket. Kaida tosses Cross into the apron. Everhart goes in the Casket but Kaida doesn’t close the lid. Instead he goes after Cross. That allows Everhart time to get up. Kaida slams Everhart into the apron and Cross goes after him. Kaida battles Cross and the Blood Beast is nowhere to be seen. Kaida wants to suplex him onto the floor. That doesn’t work. Cross pushes Kaida into Blood Beast. The two behemoths start pushing and shoving one another. The VIPs attack Kaida and double suplex him onto the floor as Blood Beast stands by. Suddenly, Blood Beast goes to double choke slam the VIPs but he just pushes them aside. He picks up Kaida, punches him in the stomach and bodyslams his own partner in the Casket. Triumphant, he roars and stands as the VIPs don’t understand what they just saw. At the 12 minute mark, they slam the lid on Kaida and score the confusing victory. After the match, Lou Martin arrives on the scene with a pair of scissors. Without provocation, Lou Martin cuts Kaida’s long dark hair. As Everhart and Cross hold the Afghani Assault Weapon, Martin laughingly cuts locks and tosses them into the air. He leaves as the KSWA Arena is in bewilderment. Kaida, stunned, looks at his previously prodigious hair, laying on the cement. He is inconsolable.

Blanchard v. Starr for the Golden Triangle Championship: Starr v. Blanchard (announced)

Starr comes to the ring first. Blanchard comes out and says that he isn’t going to “talk with the people.” He also says he isn’t going to wrestle Starr. Instead, he invokes his power as Owner, and replacements himself with the Mercenaries in a Handicap Match. Starr objects because he wants to take on Blanchard, but the call has been made.

Starr starts off with Nasty Nick Crane. Sniper is on the apron looking ready to pounce. Blanchard stalks ringside. Starr hip tosses Crane twice, the second time into his corner with Sniper. Sniper, the South African Mercenary hungry for KSWA Gold, drops Starr and chokes him. Referee Smith protests Sniper’s choke of the Golden Triangle Champion. Crane is back in and he draps Starr over the middle rope. Starr is rammed into the Mercenaries’ corner and Sniper is tagged back in. Starr tries to battle up but Sniper stops him. Crane is tagged back in and right into a Starr suplex. Smith counts to two. Blanchard looks pensive on the outside. Starr screams as he bodyslams Crane. He bodyslams Canada’s National Treasure a second time. Crane hits a low blow as the ref is distracted. Crane continues his assault. Starr gets Crane in a Sharpshooter and that forces Sniper’s hand. They attack Starr and the referee calls for the disqualification.

Golden Triangle Championship: Shawn Blanchard v. Shane Starr (legit)

But it doesn’t stop there. The diabolical Blanchard cashes in his Battle Bowl shot at the belt, with Lou Martin as his referee. Somewhere along the way, KSWA Kommissioner Gentleman Joe Perri arrives on the scene. Starr starts off strong, but Blanchard scoop slams in. He tosses Starr to the outside. Blanchard follows and chops the Golden Triangle Champion hard. Blanchard grinds away at Starr before rolling him back in. He boots Starr. Perri, nearly powerless in this situation, barks at Blanchard. Starr kicks out at two. The Krazies chant for Shane. Lou Martin attempts to quiet them down. Starr blocks Blanchard’s attempts to ram his head into the top turnbuckle. Starr gets Blanchard and slams his head in all four posts. He punches 9 times in a flurry and awaits the 10th. Martin fakes an injury on the third count and that allows Blanchard time to recover. Blanchard pokes Starr in the eye. Starr reverses it, whips Blanchard across the ring and over the corner post. On the outside, Starr wants the 10 count to begin. Martin won’t do it. Frustrated, Starr goes after Blanchard on the outside. He smashes Blanchard onto the apron and into the ring post. Starr gets in before the 10-count and back out. Blanchard smashes him in the giblets. Blanchard looks for a weapon and finds a full can of PBR, a drink made famous in Pittsburgh Magazine. He blasts Starr in the forehead with it. Foam squirts everywhere. Blanchard tosses Starr back in. Blanchard gives Starr a huge spinebuster. He drops a hammer from the top rope and gets only a two count, even though Starr was counting at a record pace. Blanchard drapes Starr over the middle rope as Gentleman Joe unwittingly distracts referee Martin. Starr blocks a Blanchard right hand and levels a series of his own. Martin tries to back Starr up but that doesn’t work. Somewhere along the way, Martin accidently clotheslines both Starr and Blanchard. Starr straps the Sharpshooter on Martin, who falls on Blanchard. Martin slaps his hand rapidly on the mat with Blanchard’s shoulders flush on the canvas and the bell is called. The winner and still KSWA Golden Triangle Champion: Shane Starr. Starr leaves. Martin regroups and Blanchard is bewildered. Afterwards, the VIPs argue for a moment. Blanchard pushes Martin down, but he springs back up and after a few more words they hug like men.

5-Star Championship: Kris Kash v. Shane Starr

Kash and Napier enter the ring. The bell rings and Napier pushes Kash into the corner. There’s a clean break. Kash gets Napier in a wrist lock and lowers him to the mat. Kash picks him up and then pump handles his arm over the top rope. Kash lands a flying head scissors that forces Napier to the outside. Kash flips off the top rope and onto Napier. Smith counts. Kash explodes a chop onto Napier’s chest. Then he hits a second one. Kash flying leg scissors Napier down for a two count. Napier, scoops Kash up, forces him into the corner and lays some shoulder. Napier tosses Kash around. Napier gets Kash up in a surfboard maneuver and over. There’s a kick out at two. Now Kash folds onto the outside. Napier, the aggressor, chases after him. Kash is rolled back in. Napier lands an elbow from the top rope. Incredibly there’s only a one-count. Napier tosses Kash around and bends him over his knee. There’s a kick out at two. Napier picks Kash up and buries a forehead into Kash’s shoulder. Napier goes up again. A flying head butt finds its mark on Kash. Napier gets Kash into an inverted Camel Clutch but Kash rolls out of it. Napier is up and plants Kash. Kash clotheslines Napier in the corner. Kash makes the cover. There’s a kick out at two. Kash is weary as Napier slowly gets to his feet. Kash sets him up for a suplex. Two count. Napier whips Kash in the corner, the former champ flips out and into Mitch’s arms. Napier tosses Kash around and onto his shoulder. Sioux Falls Slam scores a clean victory for Napier. Napier celebrates, then checks on his opponent. The Megastars celebrate together with the best of intentions.

KSWA World Title: Bob Atlas v. Lou Martin

KSWA Kommissioner Gentleman Joe Perri is the special guest referee in this match. Bob Atlas returns and Lou Martin holds a dance off with a youth group at ringside. The teens—a boy and a girl—dance circles around the frisky champion. Atlas raises their hands in victory. Once inside and the match begins, Atlas goes straight for Martin’s chest. Martin backs the rusty Atlas into a corner. Atlas punches Martin to the outside. Atlas does a Reverse Worm dance move in the ring as Martin calls for time out. Perhaps Atlas won’t be as rusty as expected. Martin gets back in and forces Atlas to a corner. Atlas punches Martin down. Martin clubs Atlas repeatedly. Atlas goes head-first into the top turnbuckle. Martin distracts Gentleman Joe Perri and plasters Atlas in the nether regions. Martin continues the offense on Atlas. There’s a clothesline and a leg drop. Two count. Martin berates Perri and pounds on Atlas. Martin side slams Atlas. Two count. Martin yells, “Come on, Joseph” as the count does not reach three. Martin chokes and digs at Atlas. Martin pulls Atlas away from the ropes and kicks him in the pouch. Atlas recovers and knocks Martin to the mat. He clotheslines the champion a series of times and then sets him up for a complimentary leg drop to the crotch. Atlas, trim and lean and muscular as ever, kicks away at Martin. He slams him then buries a headbutt into Martin’s midsection. Atlas kicks at Martin’s fingers. Atlas may or may not have head butted Martin in the crotch. A baseball slide sends Martin to the outside. Atlas poses with his unparalleled musculature. The fans chant for Puniverse as he baseball slides Martin to the outside. Martin crawls back in and is met with a knee to the ribs. That angers the champ, who goes right after Atlas. There are suplexes. Perri slides in for a two count. Perri looks surprisingly agile for his size. Martin peppers Atlas in the skull with some punches. Out of nowhere, the VIPs arrive and attack Atlas. They pop Perri. After moments of offense over Atlas, Shane Starr races in for the save. He cleans the ring momentarily but the number’s game is a factor. They floor him. Bobby O arrives and waves in Kris Kash, Mitch Napier and Tony Johnson, who quickly clean the ring. The VIPs dash out and Bobby O’s Army celebrates with the Krazies.

That concludes Autumn Annihilation 2013!