March 29, 2014
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist
When some of western Pennsylvania’s most unique and influential leaders walk through the front door of the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance (KSWA), people take notice. In some cases, they help energize a Megastar onto victory.
Right as Lord Zoltan took the ring to face “Dr. Devastation” Lou Martin in the finals of the 7th Annual Joe Abby Memorial Tournament, he legend turned to his left. Entering the KSWA Arena was long time Krazy and current Mayor of the city of Pittsburgh: Bill Peduto. Zoltan, always the prankster, waved Peduto into the ring. Peduto stood at the time keeper’s table, unloaded his pockets and dashed into the ring. There he danced with Zoltan as Martin held his arms out in disbelief. Martin raced into the ring and took verbal swipes at the Mayor. The referee had to step between. The Krazies were blown away by the shenanigans.
And this was before ownership of the most important promotion in the Commonwealth was decided.
Thus is the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance.
Fatal Four Way: Atlas, Quervo, El Skeletorios and Douglas
Three Megastars attack the pompous Douglas and take turns splashing him in the ring. El Skeletorious and Atlas give the Royal Majesty shots to the crotch. El Skeletorious digs at Douglas’ head. Quervo gives him a leg drop to the crotch. The three then take their turns on Quervo. All four leg-sweep one another and go to the mat. Referee Justin Smith gets a two count on one of the four. Douglas sends El Skeletorious out. Douglas grabs Quervo by the privates, chops him down and gets a near pinfall. Douglas scoop slams El Skeletorios. He screams “The King is Here.” Atlas slams Quervo. There’s a leg drop by Douglas onto Skelly. Atlas drops an elbow on Quervo and gets a two count. Douglas drops Skelly and almost gets a pinfall. Atlas digs at Douglas. Douglas drops Quervo like it’s hot. He lands the fist that’s banned in 49 out of 50 states. Quervo kicks out. Skelly lands a boot on Douglas. Skelly suplexes Douglas. Two count on Douglas. Skelly kicks Quervo and the remaining three turn their attention to each other. El Skeletorious and Atlas are tossed to the outside. Quervo rolls up Douglas for the win!
Battle of the Bigs: Big Mike Malachi v. The Blood Beast
Big Mike Malachi comes to the ring to a huge reaction from the crowd. The fans aren’t nearing as welcoming to the counselor from Camp Blood. The Beast takes his time getting to the ring. He does his best to intimidate the former multi-time champion Malachi. The two feel each other out. Malachi is tossed back into the corner. Malachi is clotheslined in the center of the ring then flipped over. Referee Justin Smith counts to two. Beast buries his shin in Malachi’s throat. The Blood Beast continues his assault. Beast boots Malachi, who simply folds down to the mat. Malachi recovers and sends Beast to the mat. Two count from Justin Smith. A side suplex leads to another near pinfall on the Beast. Beast rebounds and gets Malachi into a corner. He is then snap-mared and bodyslammed in the middle of the ring. Another kick out at two. They trade blows in the center of the ring. There’s a double ax handle from Malachi. Beast sits in the center of the ring and Malachi bends him back. Malachi goes for a pin but only gets two. There’s a side suplex. Blood Beast goes for a pin but gets his boots on the ropes. The referee sees it. Breaks the pin attempt. Malachi recovers, muscles Beast over with a slam and gets the win!
First Round of the Joe Abby Memorial Tournament
Lord Zoltan v. Bulldozer
Lord Zoltan dances his way to the ring. Mayor Mystery leads Bulldozer to the ring. Bulldozer gets onto the corner post and breaks the ropes in the northeast corner of the ring in a loud snap. There’s temporary bedlam. The two command for the bell to ring regardless. The bell rings and they start throwing haymakers at one another. The ring crew frantically works on the structure at the two battle it out in the center of the ring. With the ring quickly fixed, the two toss each other about. Zoltan spears Dozer and gets him down. Zoltan buries a knee into the behemoths’ midsection. Zoltan gets on Bulldozer’s back. Dozer jams Zoltan into the corner. Dozer reverse knife edge chops Zoltan. Bulldozer splashes Zoltan. Zoltan is whipped into the corner. Bulldozer does the same to Dozer. With Dozer down, Zoltan swings away. Mayor Mystery makes his presence known for the first time by burying his cane into Zoltan’s midsection. Bulldozer tries to drop Zoltan but the legend sunset flips him instead. A left-handed clothesline floors Bulldozer. Dozer spears Zoltan. Dozer tries to suplex Zoltan from the middle rope. The Krazies groan in their displeasure, as the ropes had just snapped. Zoltan successfully pushes Dozer off the turnbuckle. He pushes Mayor Mystery away and off the apron. And in a fantastic move, Lord Zoltan drop-kicks Bulldozer away from the middle rope and scores the victory! The crowd is ecstatic to see Zoltan deliver the drop kick.
Jester v. Dr. Devastation Lou Martin
Lou Martin is accompanied to the ring by the owner of the KSWA Shawn Blanchard. The bell rings and the Krazies immediately start to chant “Garbage Pants” toward Lou Martin. Martin goes right after Studio Wrestling legend “Jumpin’” Johnny DeFazio who is in attendance. The Jester slaps Martin. Martin shouts that Jester shouldn’t “disrespect” him and slaps the Jester. Jester then right hands’ Martin in the chops. Jester bodyslams Martin. Jester goes for a splash but Martin lefts his knees. That staggers The Jester enough for a bulldog. Blanchard uses Martin’s black baseball bat to good use, chopping Jester in the chops (while referee Justin Smith is distracted by Lou Martin). Martin pounds away at Jester in the corner, where Blanchard is situated. Martin punches Jester in the head. Martin pounds away at Jester. Martin kicks Jester in the head. Martin has Jester down. Martin clotheslines Jester, then chops him in the back of the head. Martin overhand chops Jester in the bare chest. Jester recovers and delivers a series of his own. Martin has Jester down for a near pinfall. Jester rallies. Martin tries to flip Jester over, but the Jester drops directly onto Martin’s chest. Jester drops an elbow on Martin then a fall away elbow. Jester tosses Martin into the corner and then T-Bone suplexes him. Jester goes for a boot. Blanchard flicks a set of brass knuckles toward his VIP partner. Martin picks up the brass knuckles and he connects with a right hand. Jester is out like a light. Martin makes the cover and gets the win to advance to the finals.
The Mercenaries v. Shane Starr and a Mystery Tag Team Partner
The Mercenaries say that KSWA Heavyweight Champion Shane Starr cannot find a partner. Instead, Starr says that his partner says few words outside the ring, but speaks volumes inside the squared circle. It’s Mitch Napier! The Krazies chant “USA, USA” as Napier arrives after a short absence. The duo of Starr and Napier take early command of Nasty Nick Crane. Starr and Napier take turns keeping Crane off his feet. Napier gives Crane “The Big Swing” before nearly registering a three count. Starr suplexes Crane. Two count from referee Matt C. One count from the referee. Napier is tagged in again and they continue to work on Crane’s legs. Napier drops a double sledge on Crane. Three minutes into the match and Crane has still never tagged Sniper. Napier suplexes him across the ring and at the 3:15 mark, Sniper is tagged in. Almost immediately, Sniper recruits Crane for a double elbow drop. Sniper chokes Napier in the corner. Starr gets the Krazies chanting for Mitch. Sniper smashes Napier in the back of the neck with an elbow. Crane is in and attacks Napier, keeping him from Starr. Sniper is on the floor and he attacks Napier in the ropes. Crane continues his assault. Crane overhand slaps Napier. Crane stomps Mitch in the corner. Napier is slow to retaliate but he does. Sniper is tagged back in and the Mercenaries continue to brutalize Napier. Sniper wisely keeps Napier away from Starr. A rear chin lock is applied on Napier. Sniper drops Napier down and drags him across the mat. Crane is back in and he gets Napier down for a two count. Matt C continually checks on Napier, who starts to battle back. Napier and Crane collide in the center of the ring. Crane tags Sniper back in. Napier and Sniper collide in a heavy-duty double cross body block. Napier crawls to Starr and makes it. Crane makes it to Sniper. Starr drop kicks both Mercenaries. The champ is on fire. Napier is back in. Crane goes for Napier, Sniper for Starr. They miss a clothesline. Starr and Napier stop in their tracks and drop the Mercenaries. Both anti-Americans are locked into Sharpshooters. After a short while, they both tap, simultaneously. The winners are Starr and Napier!
Class of 2014 KSWA Hall of Fame
Bobby O and the Kommissioner of the KSWA “Gentleman” Joe Perri make their way to introduce the three members of the new Hall of Fame Class. Dr. Chuck Martoni, “Jumpin’” Johnny DeFazio and “Chilly” Bill Cardille was introduced to the crowd and recognized for their Studio Wrestling legacy. Also quiet and reserved, Dr. Martoni didn’t address the fans. DeFazio thanked everyone for attending, and Cardille told some stories. Cardille also received a proclamation from Mayor Peduto, naming March 29, “Bill Cardille, KSWA Hall of Fame Day” in the city of Pittsburgh. The Krazies gave all three legends a hearty reception. It should also be noted that Dominic DeNucci was also in attendance for the entire night, signing autographs and meeting with fans.
5-Star Championship: Bobby Badfingers (along with Mayor Mystery)
Mayor Mystery gets the microphone and complains that Bobby Badfingers gets no respect. Out comes his “mystery opponent” Kris Kash! The Arena erupts. Mayor Mystery complains that Kris Kash should be searched a second time. Badfingers tosses Kash over the top rope. Kash drop kicks him. Badfingers bails to the outside. Kash dives over the top rope and Badfingers catches him. Badfingers drives him into the ring post. On the outside, Mayor Mystery uses his cane to wallop Kash. Smith counts to three before Kash gets back in. A running powerslam drops Kash. Badfingers gets Kash into the bottom rope and Mayor Mystery attacks again. Badfingers is in complete control of the match. Kash nearly sunset flips Badfingers to victory. That just angers the Windy City Warrior, who has a 100 pound advantage over the former 5-Star champion. Badfingers suplexes Kash but he kicks out. Kash flips out of the corner and onto Badfingers. Kash whips Badfingers into the corner and hits him with a clothesline. There’s a two and a half count. Badfingers and Mystery confab on the outside. Kash dives onto them. There’s a seven count before Kash rolls Badfingers back in. They go at it some more. Kash is whipped into the ropes. Mystery attacks Kash from the outside. Badfingers spears Kash on the inside for the victory! Badfingers retains.
KSWA Tag Team Championship: Flash and Johnson v. Everhart and Cross
Tony Johnson is the first Megastar to cash in his title opportunity, which he earned at New Year’s Knockout in January. The match begins with Jay Flash against Tyler Cross. Flash gets Cross in a compromising position with kicks before Johnson is tagged in. Johnson keeps Cross in their corner and Flash jumps in over the top rope. Flash pulls Cross down from behind and nearly gets a pin. Flash kicks Cross in the midsection. Johnson is tagged in and he keeps the pressure on Cross. There’s a reverse knife edge chop that drops Flash. Johnson whips Cross into a flying Flash. One count from referee Smith. More than 3:30 have gone by when Cross gets his first offense, tossing Flash through the ropes and onto the floor. Everhart gives chase but relents when Flash gets away. Everhart rushes Flash from behind and drops him with a fist. Everhart had previously complained with Flash and Johnson used their fists on Cross. Flash gets into the VIP corner, where Everhart tags himself in at the 4:57 mark. Everhart uses a rear chin lock on Flash. Everhart tosses him into the VIP corner. Cross splashes Flash, rear-first. Cross keeps the offense on Flash. Two count on Flash. Flash starts to battle both VIPs. Cross picks Flash up and drops him into his corner. Everhart slaps him. Edric antagonizes Johnson before hopscotches his way into Flash. He kicks Flash, taunts some more and goes for a pin. Two count. Flash is in the corner. Everhart rains blows. Flash rebounds with a series of his own. The offense continues until Johnson is tagged in. He goes after Cross, who is also tagged in. Johnson goes for his kick, misses it and hits it on the second try. Everhart breaks up the count. Johnson and Everhart hit each other with heavy blows. The VIPs hit Johnson with the 3D. Johnson, incredibly, kicks out. Everhart and Cross pick Johnson up. Flash dives onto the VIPs. Cross and Everhart are down. Flash goes for the cannonball. Cross clips him with a clothesline. Flash is down in the center of the ring. They hit the 3D on Flash and this time they get the duke. Everhart and Cross remain the KSWA tag team champions.
Lord Zoltan v. Lou Martin in the Joe Abby Memorial Tournament Finals
The Finals of the Joe Abby Memorial Tournament
This is where Mayor Peduto arrived and sent just about everyone into a tizzy. Once Peduto was out of the ring, Lord Zoltan forces Lou Martin into the corner. Referee Matt C. makes them break the hold. Martin forces Zoltan into the corner again. Zoltan forces Martin out. Once Martin gets back in, Zoltan gets him down. The action is fast and furious. At one point, Martin is on the outside and Zoltan attacks him with a foreign object. Martin drills Zoltan into the ropes. Zoltan is staggered. Martin is down in the center of the ring. Zoltan hovers over top. Zoltan gets his wrist tape and gets Martin down. He delivers a series of blows onto the weakened Martin. Zoltan continues the assault. Zoltan unwraps more wrist tape. Zoltan continues the attack on Martin and drives him down. Martin tries to get up and Zoltan pulls him down. Martin gets Zoltan down and tries to use the ropes. Matt C. argues with Martin. Martin pushes Matt C. Matt C. then pushes Martin, who tumbles over Zoltan into a quick roll-up. The winner of the 7th Annual Joe Abby Memorial Tournament: Lord Zoltan!
Bobby O v. Shawn Blanchard
Bobby O comes to the ring and tells the Owner that he cannot wrestle because he only has a Manager’s License. And with that, he has a new client: Kaida! Those in attendance cheer widely for the former multi-time champion. Kaida chases Blanchard outside the ring. Kaida follows. Kaida smashes Blanchard’s head into the ring apron a dozen times before tossing him back inside. Kaida continues the assault. The brutality goes outside as they make their way back to the bar. More than 300 Krazies are overjoyed with the chops and punches. Blanchard rolls Kaida back in. Blanchard digs into Kaida’s shoulders. Blanchard scoop slams Kaida in the center of the ring. The action rolls back outside. Peduto who was accompanied by a striking blond, were making their way out of the Arena. They were called back in by the Enforcer. Blanchard makes an ill-conceived “move” on the Mayor’s date. She laughingly rebukes and the couple takes their leave. Blanchard punches Bobby O in the face. That drops the former owner. Blanchard gets into the ring and walks right into Kaida’s over-the-top suplex. A chorus of Krazies want him to do it again. Blanchard blocks it, and follows up with a series of German suplexes. A pin fall is nearly secured. Blanchard gets Kaida in a Figure Four. Kaida will not give up. Blanchard tires and breaks the hold. Blanchard rakes Kaida’s eyes. A back elbow drops Kaida. Blanchard drops an elbow and gets a two count on Kaida. Blanchard gets Kaida in a sleeper. The former KSWA Champion nearly goes to sleep. Bobby O shouts encouragement from the outside. Kaida’s arm drops two times. It does not drop a third. Kaida scoops Blanchard up and hits him with a side slam. Both Megastars are completely spent. Kaida gets onto all fours. Blanchard gets to a corner. Kaida, out of nowhere, slaps a Cobra Clutch on Blanchard. As Blanchard flails, the rest of the VIPs try to hustle their way to the ring. They are instead met by wrestlers who support Bobby O. Kaida locks in the Cobra Clutch in a serious way. After quite a few moments of struggle, Blanchard taps out! Bobby O regains ownership of the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance. Bobby O raises Kaida’s arm in victory. They also hug in celebration as “Everything is Awesome” from the Lego Movie blares on the PA system.
Thus ends the 7th Annual Joe Abby Memorial Tournament.