Dinner With Duchesne: “There’s Never Been A Better Time To Be A Mercenary”

November 25, 2015
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist

“Canada’s National Treasure,” also known as “Nasty” Nick Crane and his tag team partner, Sniper expect a conquering hero’s welcome when they defend the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance (KSWA) tag team tile at FanFest on December 5.

“It’s never been a better time in the United States to be an immigrant,” said The Honourable Liam Duchesne, Lieutenant Viceroy of Québec and representative of Her Majesty’s government. “And there’s never been a better time to be a Mercenary!”

At last year’s FanFest, Duchesne presented “His High Nastiness” with the Lieutenant Governor’s Medal for Exceptional Merit. The gold-plated presentation was cut short by “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, but Duchesne the trip from Canada was worth the trip to Pittsburgh. The award helped springboard the migrant to the international star he is today.

Crane, who officially carries the title “Colonel-in-Chief,” has had a whirlwind year. On June 13, 2015, Crane defeated Super Ginger, to become the KSWA 5-Star Champion at the Sharpsburg VFD fundraiser. A scant seven days later, Crane—along with Mayor Mystery—lost it back to Super Ginger. Then after challenging for KSWA tag team gold for years, The Mercenaries defeated “Big and Bigger,” Mike Malachi and Jack Massacre on October 3 at the Teamster Temple. Sniper and Crane did have a little bit of help from Mayor Mystery and Jay Flash.

“It’s the dream of all immigrants, to enter our beloved shores and win tag team gold,” said Duchesne, who was in town recently on business with Mayor Mystery Crane at the Duquesne Club in downtown Pittsburgh. Crane and Duchesne helmed the Pan American Games Wrestling team this past summer and brought home three gold, three silver and two bronze medals to their countrymen and women. Crane’s work was highly respected, said Duchesne. “Nick Crane is a shining star of Westminster-style parliamentary democracy.”

Because of that success, Crane and Sniper say that the KSWA Krazies are now indebted to them and have to support their reign, no questions asked.

This isn’t the first time that a team of global participants have been tag team partners. The current Mexican champion and all-time KSWA Megastar La Lucha has been a tag team and World Champion. In addition, the International Thugs ruled a lot of 2006 and most of 2007.

Some say the refugees from their respective countries are actually expatriates, but Duchesne doesn’t see it that way. “They are displaced because of a lack of gold in their homelands. America provides that gold for the forthright Mercenaries.”

“Without question, the Mercenaries are the heroes of FanFest and should be showered with compliments and most expensive trinkets,” Duchesne added. “Give us your huddled masses and they should be showering Sniper and Nick Crane with undying love.”

Mayor Mystery and Mercenaries issued an Open Challenge for any team to challenge for their tag team gold. Kris Kash and Shane Starr, who has once-again adopted the “Lost Boys” team they debuted a decade ago, immediately accepted. The local duo is qualified, after besting Bobby Badfingers and J-Ru, collectively known as “Deeds,” as the new Number One contenders. Kash and Starr held the tag team belts for a few months in 2010.

“The Canadian and South African will and should hold onto the KSWA tag team titles forever,” added Mayor Mystery. “Who is more deserving than these courageous émigrés?"

[KSWA FanFest is Saturday, December 5, at the Teamster Temple, 4701 Butler Street, in the Lawrenceville neighborhood within the city of Pittsburgh. Tickets are $10 for adults, $8 for kids and $15 in the Mezzanine. Expected to appear is local actor Curt Wootton, who portrays “Pittsburgh Dad,” as well as WWF legend Hillbilly Jim. Card subject to change. Bell time is 7:30 p.m. Call 412-726-1762 for more information.]

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