Napier Wins; Johnson, T-Rantula And Massacre Prove To Be Warriors In Historic BBVIII

January 17, 2016
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist

An enormous, near-overflowing crowd was loud all night long as the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance (KSWA) provided its 8th annual “Battle Bowl,” an over-the-top-rope elimination event that has become one of the most exciting of its kind anywhere. Some 32 Megastars participated in the action. For more than an hour, the wrestlers punched, gouged, chopped, drop kicked and pounded on each other. For some the night was quick, while for others…like the 7-footers Jack Massacre and T-Rantula, the match was of like Iron Man proportions (before Jay Flash put an end to that crusade). Tony Johnson, who was ruthlessly beaten down by Mayor Mystery and his trifecta of thugs earlier in the evening, nearly did the impossible. And “The Lost Boys” took on their eternal foes, “The VIPs” for the most coveted tag team titles in the Commonwealth.

Kris Kash and Shane Starr Interview with Bobby O

KSWA Owner Bobby O comes to the ring and brings tag team championship Shane Starr and Kris Kash out. Starr talks about winning the titles, and then Kash talks about his 10-year journey to the top of the KSWA mountain. He says he plans to defend the KSWA Title against all comers in the coming year. The Krazies are behind the Lost Boys.

Douglas v. Jester

This was a contest between two former partners. Douglas had picked The Jester out of obscurity to make him a champion, but that all ended. Now, they are bitter rivals. David Fedor calls for the bell and the action starts. The Jester locks up with Douglas, who is wearing his crown, and perhaps a jet black wig, anchored by a chin strap. Jester slaps Douglas in the hind quarters and that forces the Royal wrestler into the corner and ropes. Jester drops Douglas down with a toe hold. Jester snap mares him over and levels him with a series of kicks to the back. Two and a half count. Douglas recovers and drops some knees into Jester’s ample abdomen. There’s a one count. Douglas digs his boot into Jester’s throat. There’s a big elbow drop on Jester and a two count. Douglas keeps the pressure on Jester’s throat. The fans chant for Jester. A clothesline drops Jester and there’s a two count. There’s a Royal Sharpshooter on Jester. Jester makes it to the ropes for a break. Jester kicks Douglas in the back of the head. Both Megastars are down and spent. Fedor counts to three and Jester is up. Douglas follows. Jester plants Douglas in the forehead with an elbow and then bodyslams him. There’s a running cannon ball. Two and a half count. Jester rallies the crowd. Douglas gives Jester a side suplex. Two count. Jester hits the kick to the head. He frog splashes Douglas and gets the pin. Jester steals the crown and toupee, as Douglas runs off. Time of the match: 7:41

5-Star Championship Kaida v. Napier

In the first surprise return of the night, Kaida makes his way to the ring. Napier comes from the crowd and attacks Kaida from behind. Napier tosses Kaida to the outside. Napier follows. Once back inside, Napier manhandles the former KSWA Champion and gets a one-count. He then follows that up with a rear chin lock. Mitch misses with a big splash. Now Kaida has the upper hand. Kaida suplexes Napier over the top in a huge move. Napier is laid out. Kaida launches Napier one more time. There’s a two count. The fans shout for one more suplex. Kaida tosses Napier around and into the corner. He follows that up with a splash. Kaida goes for a super suplex from the top rope. Mitch fights back and drops the big man. Mitch is slow in regaining himself. Kaida goes right back at it. In one of many spectacular moves of the evening, Napier lands a commanding Sioux Falls Slam from the top rope and gets the win, to retain the 5-Star title. Time of match: 4:24

Gauntlet Match: Johnson v. Sniper, J-Ru and Bobby Badfingers

Mayor Mystery jaws with Referee David Fedor and Sniper attacks from behind. Johnson reels from that right away. Sniper slaps Johnson down on the mat and gets a two count. Sniper gets Johnson in the corner and starts smacking him. Mayor Mystery assaults Johnson as the ref is distracted by Sniper. Sniper and Johnson trade right hands as Mayor Mystery distracts Fedor. Johnson gets to the outside and punches Sniper. Mystery buries his cane into Johnson’s midsection and that stops the offense cold. Sniper has some offense before Johnson recovers. J-Ru races in as Johnson pins Sniper. Johnson double noggin knocks J-Ru and Sniper. It’s all Johnson as he spins J-Ru around and down on the mat. Two count. J-Ru’s punch is blocked from the apron. Johnson brings him in the hard way. J-Ru cowers and asks for a time out. That’s enough to allow Mystery and J-Ru to take advantage of the situation. J-Ru buries his shoulder into Johnson’s midsection. J-Ru splashes with a clothesline. He whips Johnson into the corner. He is met with a boot and a right hand. J-Ru gets hung up in the corner, where Johnson drop kicks him, rolls him up and gets the win. Tommy Faime is out with Bobby Badfingers. Johnson dives on J-Ru and Badfingers on the outside. Once inside, it’s all Johnson on Badfingers. Badfingers goes low on Johnson and roughs him up. Fedor is distracted as Badfingers drops a leg on Johnson’s midsection and lower. Badfingers continues to give him the boots as the fans rally for Iceman. Badfingers gets a two count pin on Johnson. Faime is shouting at everyone at ringside. Faime and Mystery confer on the outside. Badfingers has Johnson in a sleeper hold. Johnson does not submit at two, the hand goes up. Johnson springboards off the ropes and hits Badfingers with a kick to the head. A controversial two-count later and Johnson is up. Badfingers misses with a shoulder-first splash in the corner. Johnson drop kicks Badfingers. Tired of Johnson’s success in the contest, Mystery races to the back and gets the other members of the Gauntlet Match. The last decision is a disqualification because of the interference. Faime gives Johnson a sit down powerbomb. The assault continues. Referee Fedor races to the back, and the Tag Team Champions—Kris Kash and Shane Starr—race to Johnson’s aid. Time of this action-packed match: 9:47

Jay Flash v. Jack Massacre

For weeks, the two wrestlers have gone after each other on social media. This is a match that’s eagerly awaited on both sides. Referee Justin Smith calls for the bell and the action begins. Flash is tossed to the outside and he saunters around the ring. The ref starts the count out but Flash makes it back in. Flash goes for a go-behind on Massacre and he is forced into the corner. Massacre punches Flash in the back of the head and the South Beach Soldier goes flying. Jack chops Flash in the chest and he falls to the outside once again. That’s where KSWA Owner Tommy Faime is positioned. Flash sneaks around the ring and slides in. Massacre is not surprised and he waits. Massacre misses a clothesline. Flash flips off the ropes and kicks the big man. Massacre is only shaken. Flash climbs to another corner and hits a picture-perfect drop kick that falls the giant. With him down, Flash continues his onslaught. One running drop kick makes Massacre roll to the outside. Massacre catches the Megastar when he tries to dive on him from the outside. Flash tosses a bottle of water in the big man’s face. Flash hurries back into the ring and takes an incredible dive from the top rope onto Massacre below. The crowd explodes in appreciation. Flash continues to lead with his feet as Massacre tries to crawl back in. Massacre is slow in getting up. Flash loads up for a superkick. He buries two boots into Massacre and then a third as the 7-footer isn’t getting off his feet. Flash climbs to the top rope but Massacre meets him there. Massacre suplexes Flash from the bottom rope in the corner. Both men are down. Massacre gets to his feet first. He pushes Flash across the ring and lands a splash. A standing suplex follows. Massacre holds him up for 10 seconds. Flash, incredibly, kicks out. Faime tosses Flash something. Referee Smith finds it and takes it off of him. Faime tosses Flash a small hammer and the ref doesn’t see it. But Massacre does. He wrestles it off of Flash and he bails to the outside. A 10-count later and Jack Massacre is the winner. Time of match: 9:11

KSWA Tag Team: VIPs v. Kash and Starr

Kash and Starr run the VIPs to the outside. As the longtime friends, tag team partners and former champions collect themselves, Kash dives an incredible 15 feet from the top turnbuckle onto Blanchard and Martin near the crowd. Faime bailed out of the way at the last second. Video shows Kash falling from a height equal to the Mezzanine level. After a long while of regrouping, Martin and Blanchard return to ringside. Blanchard faces old foe Shane Starr and drives him down. The two enter into a test of strength, with Blanchard winning. Starr steps on Blanchard’s hands and that sends the former KSWA Champion to the corner. Kash is tagged in. He and Blanchard trade chops. Blanchard gets the worse end of that and sends the VIP into the warm embrace of his frequent tag team partner, Martin. Martin is tagged in and so is Starr. Starr drives Martin down. Kash is tagged in and he lands on Martin’s arm from 12 feet in the air. Kash tags in Starr, who goes right after Martin. Martin is knocked down and registers a one-count. Martin drags Martin into the ropes. The ref is distracted by Faime as Blanchard attacks from the outside. Martin follows through with some offense. A thunderous “Garbage Pants” chants echoes throughout the Teamster Temple. There’s a scrum. Martin peppers Starr as Blanchard holds him from behind. The ref is distracted as that offense occurs. Blanchard applies a vice-like grip on Starr’s shoulders as Fedor argues with Kash on the apron. Blanchard measures Starr in the middle of the ring. With Fedor looking the other way, Blanchard drops a knee into Starr’s abdomen or lower. Blanchard has Starr from behind. Bobby O leads a cheering section for the Lost Boys. Blanchard pulls Starr down from behind. Martin is tagged back in. Starr rolls around in the corner. Starr is posted in the middle rope. Faime uses his advantage on the outside to pulls Starr down by the hair. Martin drives Starr into the ring post at ringside and then into the ring steps. Blanchard is tagged back in and Martin holds Starr up for him. Blanchard continues the offense. Blanchard goes to drive Starr into the ring post but Starr blocks it. Blanchard pulls Starr up and spins him down. Two count. Blanchard goes for a piledriver but Starr ducks. Kash unloads on Martin and Blanchard. He lands the tilt-a-whirl drop kick. Kash spins out of the corner and Blanchard catches him. Blanchard plants him with a sit down power bomb. Both Megastars are spent. Fedor starts the count. Kash tags Starr, Blanchard makes it to Martin. The VIPs double team Starr in the corner. Starr ducks a double clothesline and lands one of his own. Shining Wizard drops Blanchard. Kash is tagged in. He hits a swon ton on Blanchard and the Lost Boys get the win! Time of match: 13:31.

Battle Bowl VIII

Now is the Main Event. It’s an over-the-top-rope extravaganza where every man battles for himself. Tag team partners Bobby Badfingers and J-Ru start out. They confer for a moment before going to action against one another. Kommissioner Gentleman Joe Perri is the official at ringside. Two minutes later, the next Megastar out is T-Rantula. The 7-footer goes after Bobby Badfingers and he is met by J-Ru with a crotch shot. T-Rantula beats both of them off. Both members of “Deedz” try to fight T-Rantula off. Jay Flash, the self-appointed “Giant Killer” slowly comes out next. He really doesn’t want anything to do with a fresh T-Rantula. That distracts T-Rantula enough to allow all three to go after him. J-Ru and the gang have a controlled front against the big man. The wrestling legend battles out and goes after Flash. T-Rantula tosses Flash across the ring. He follows with smashes and another toss. The other 7-footer is next as Jack Massacre is introduced. Massacre goes after Badfingers. T-Rantula goes after J-Ru. They both hit big chops. Then a second time. Flash avoids all of the action. Nearly 800 pounds is in with T-Rantula and Massacre alone. J-Ru is tossed, immediately followed by Badfingers. T-Rantula clotheslines Flash. They team up to toss Flash across the ring. Dr. Devastation Lou Martin is next. He is met with a loud “Garbage Pants” chant. T-Rantula tosses him down. Flash holds onto the bottom rope and is still alive. Massacre and T-Rantula measure Martin. Massacre drops him down with a clothesline. Martin cuddles with Flash. Massacre steps on them both before T-Rantula does the same. T-Rantula and Massacre face off. Shane Starr is next. He goes right after Martin. Starr mounts Martin in the corner for a series of punches. Martin somehow tosses him off instead. T-Rantula goes after Martin. Massacre bodyslams Flash. The 7-footers are ruling at the moment. Next up is Sam Squatch. Sam goes after Martin. Squatch is immediately eliminated. Martin is grabbed by Massacre. Flash ducks out of a big splash and T-Rantula clobbers Starr. Joey Quervo, the Drunken Luchadore, is next. He goes right after Martin. Quervo hits a stunner on Martin. Quervo jumps over the top rope and eliminates himself. Starr, Massacre, T-Rantula and Martin remain. Massacre tries to dump Martin but that’s no good. Starr goes after Martin. T-Rantula tries to dump Starr but he holds on. Shawn Blanchard is next. Jay Flash slides out of the ring and onto the ringside table for a rest. Blanchard tries to shake hands with T-Rantula and he simply grabs hand in a vice like grip. Massacre grabs the other hand. Martin tries to break it up but the giants fight his off. T-Rantula splashes Blanchard and Massacre follows that up as well. David Fedor and Justin Smith are next. Smith tosses Fedor and T-Rantula tosses Fedor. The two giants have been waging war inside the squared circle for most of 17 minutes. Starr, Massacre, T-Rantula, Martin and Flash remain. Starr and Flash go at it as Harley T. Morris is next. Flash tries to dump Starr but that doesn’t work. Morris is yet to make it into the ring. Shane Starr was eliminated by Flash. The VIPs attack T-Rantula. Massacre attacks the VIPs. Morris races in and attacks Massacre, but T-Rantula and Massacre attack him with loud chops. Curt Wootton is next. Built well, Wootton takes his time before going after Flash. That’s because Morris is facing him. Martin goes after Wootton. Wootton sneaks to the outside under the bottom rope. Lord Zoltan is next. Zoltan takes all the hardware at ringside in with him. Zoltan uses a wrench on Martin and then Blanchard. El Skeletorious is next. The 12-time former Mexican champion, El Skeletorious is out. Lord Zoltan goes for the ringside tool box. Justin Sane is next. He goes right after Curt Wootton. Wootton and Morris put the boots to Sane and he is instantly eliminated by Wootton and Morris. Lord Zoltan sneaks up behind Curt Wootton and tosses him overboard. Mayor Mystery is next. There’s carnage all over the ring. Bobby O is the next one in. He goes right after Mayor Mystery. Lou Martin has been eliminated. T-Rantula finds powder and tosses it in everyone’s face. Flash and Morris go at it. Sniper is next. He saunters to the ring and goes right after Bobby O. Mayor Mystery and Sniper have Bobby O down in the corner of the ring. Sniper and Mystery double team Bobby O but the owner fights them off. KSWA Owner Tommy Faime is next. He makes his way to the ring, slowly. Jay Flash rests up on the ring steps. Tommy Faime watches at Mayor Mystery is tossed over the top rope. Trapper Tom is up next. He goes after Tommy Faime, who beats him up and tosses him over the top rope. Massacre goes right after Douglas. Morris, Flash and Douglas go after Massacre. He battles them off. The Latin Assassin is next. The Megastars anxiously await the former KSWA Champion’s measured return. The Krazies are ecstatic with his surprise return. Latin immediately tosses Tommy Faime over the top rope to be eliminated. Vinnie Stone is next. A surprise return, Stone goes right after Flash. Vinnie, trim and feisty, looks good in the opening moments of his return. The Mad Genius, David Marbell is next to the ring. At nearly 43 minutes, both Massacre and T-Rantula have been in the action for most of that time. Thunder, the masked Megastar from the old west, is next. T-Rantula hits Marbell in the head with a can of beer. Thunder is eliminated. La Lucha is next. La Lucha lands his patented splashes on Morris. Marbell, a great manager through and through, stays to second Morris even after he is eliminated. Napier races in and goes right after La Lucha. He then goes after Flash and then Morris. Napier goes right after Massacre and T-Rantula. Napier is unsuccessful in his attempts to get Massacre, and then T-Rantula up for the Sioux Falls Slam. Napier gets a huge overhand chop from T-Rantula. Jester is dropped into La Lucha. Super Ginger, who appears to wear a prison-issued jump suit, is next. Super Ginger is eliminated. Kaida is next. He goes right after Napier. The two had a heckuva a match earlier in the evening. The 32nd and last final participant is “The Iceman” Tony Johnson, who has his ribs tightly wrapped after the attack from Mystery and his gang. The reigning Mexican Champion, La Lucha is the next to be eliminated. The final five are Kaida, The Jester, Johnson, Napier, and Harley T. Morris. The remaining Megastars battle until Kaida is tossed over the top rope. The Jester, Johnson, Napier and Morris are all guaranteed championship title shots—tag team, 5-Star, Golden Triangle and KSWA World—in 2016. The Krazies are firmly behind Johnson, the Jester, Napier and Morris (in that order). The action is fast and furious as Johnson, and then Jester, then Morris are eliminated. The crowd goes crazy for Napier who takes the microphone and thanks the Krazies for their support. He says he is in the KSWA, just to fight. Time of Battle Bowl: One hour, thirteen minutes. Thus ends the historic Battle Bowl VIII.

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