Kash, Napier Nearly Win Gold As KSWA Returns To Sharpsburg For Guyasuta

October 3, 2011
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist

Long-time KSWA fan favorite Kris Kash had the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance Champion Ali Kaida on the ropes, but the VIPs and later an abrupt meeting with a hardwood floor would play key roles in his aspirations. Meanwhile, Shawn Blanchard and fellow VIP founder Lou Martin would attack fellow stable-mate Shane Starr in a big way. It was all apart of the Guyasuta Football and Cheerleading Association fundraiser.

Flash, Arcadian, Johnson v. Canadian Perfect & Jester

The six-man tag team match started off with Canadian Perfection giving The Jester the "stink eye" upon their arrival inside Linden Hall.

Drew Belanger and The Ice Man Tony Johnson starts off. They trade holds in the early going with Belanger getting an early lead. Then Johnson gets momentum before Belanger starts striking Johnson. He battles back and Belanger bails. Jay Flash is tagged in, as is The Jester. Canadian Perfection both get off of the apron as Flash takes care of The Jester. Goulet is begrudgingly tagged in, and Arcadian is eager to get in. Goulet kicks Arcadian down. Goulet continues to go after Alex's left hamstring. Arcadian kicks back to the Krazies' approval. Then they trade punches, then chops. Arcadian assaults Goulet with a Sunset Flip. Then a suplex and arm bar. Belanger breaks it up. Goulet is sent into Johnson and Flash's corner. Johnson is in with a series of knee drops. The first two-count is on Goulet. Goulet recovers and lands a power bomb on Johnson. Two count. Johnson is sent back into the Jester and Belanger is tagged in. Drew goes for a series of chops. Johnson is down for a two-count. Johnson is placed in a neutral corner for some pounding. Johnson gets into the ropes. Belanger goes for a pin. Two count. Goulet is tagged back in. Canadian Perfection assaults Johnson in the corner. Goulet lands a pair of elbow drops for a two-count. Flash and Arcadian try to get in but referee Justin Smith is distracted. They attack Johnson. The Jester is in and he goes for a two-count. Flash breaks it up. Jester is on the attack. Jester applies a front face lock then suplexes Johnson. Johnson reverses it and gets a two-and-a-half count of The Jester. There's a USA chant as Johnson gets to Flash but referee Justin Smith doesn't see it and chases Flash back. Jester corrals Johnson and Belanger is tagged in. He continues to assail Johnson. There's a two-count. Johnson ducks a couple of clothes lines, then spring boards himself and reverse kicks Belanger. Flash is tagged in. Flash goes for a Cannon Ball on The Jester then Goulet breaks it up. Arcadian cleans house. Arcadian lawn-darts Johnson into Canadian Perfection on the outside. It's bedlam. Flash is rolled in by The Jester. He goes to the top. Flash recovers and stops him. Flash goes for the superplex but The Jester falls instead. Flash calls for the Cannonball. He lands it. The pin is recorded. Arcadian, Flash and Johnson celebrate. Canadian Perfection leave The Jester sprawled on the gymnasium floor.

Shawn Blanchard (w/Frank Durso) v. Shane Starr

Blanchard runs down Starr upon his arrival in the gymnasium. Starr gets a hero's ovation in his hometown. Durso pounces inside the ring. Referee Justin Smith has an ordeal getting him out of the room. Blanchard tries to intimidate Smith. Starr waits patiently. Smith calls for the bell. The fans chant a derogatory name toward Blanchard. Blanchard takes early advantage of Starr and gets him down in the center of the ring. That quiets down the crowd. Blanchard then clotheslines Starr and whips him into the corner for more punches and chops. Blanchard puts his boot on Starr's gullet. The slow, methodical style is all Blanchard. Starr is left to Durso's devices as Smith is distracted by Blanchard. Durso gouges and digs at Starr. Starr whips Blanchard into another corner but Blanchard explodes out with a clothesline that floors Starr. There's a two-count. Blanchard lands a stellar standing suplex. Blanchard goes to the middle rope for a knee drop but Starr rolls out of the way. Durso climbs the stairs to the apron. Starr gets to his feet and battles out. Blanchard is in the corner for 10 punches. Blanchard falls on his face. Starr lands a huge leg drop. Durso is in the ring. Starr suplexes Blanchard in the center of the ring. Durso is still on the apron. Starr slams him impressively a second time. Durso is in and puts a boot on Starr. Justin Smith threatens to ban Durso from ringside if his continues his interference. Durso is in and disrupts Starr's offense on Blanchard. Blanchard is tossed into the corner, he flops over the top rope and onto the apron. That's where he's met with Starr's clothesline. Blanchard is on the outside. Starr baseball slides into him and then rolls him back in. Blanchard begs off. Blanchard goes for the eyes. Blanchard goes to the top rope. Starr vaults him off. Smiths' count is slow, Blanchard gets his shoulder up. Blanchard whips Starr into the ropes and knees him down. Shawn uses the ropes to his advantage in a pin attempt. The ref sees it. Durso attacks Starr as kids ringside go nuts. Blanchard piledrives Starr but only gets a two count. Again Smith's count is particularly slow. Starr is up and goes on the offense. Starr tries to rally the crowd as Blanchard is in the corner. Durso creeps on the outside. Starr goes for the superplex. Durso is in and Smith immediately calls for the disqualification. Lou Martin rushes in out of nowhere and attacks Starr with a belt. The VIPs whip Starr repeatedly with the belt. After Starr sustains a substantial beat down, Kris Kash rushes in with a chair. The VIPs bail. Then they return with a chair and attack Kash. Blanchard uses the chair on Kash's back. Kash is expected to challenge for the KSWA Heavyweight Championship later in the evening. The VIPs leave as Kash and Starr in a heap and make their way from the ring.

KSWA Owner and Interim Kommissioner Gentleman Joe Perri come to the ring and agree that something should be done about the VIP's attack. They jointly announce that Blanchard will face Starr in a Strap Match at the Sharpsburg VFD fundraiser on Saturday, November 5.

Joey Quervo v. Diamond Dave Diamond

Quervo enters the ring in his usual fashion (half in the bag). Diamond Dave Diamond is next and he makes the most of his entrance. He rushes the crowd and they are happy to see the Rock Star. These two Megastars have met before. Referee Jimmy James checks both men and dons Dave's sunglasses. He calls for the bell and Quervo gets Dave down for a series of two counts. Another collar-and-elbow tie up gets Quervo down. There's another series of pin attempts on Quervo. Quervo reverses a pin attempt on Diamond Dave. Quervo is in the corner for a couple of chops, then a bulldog. Two count on Joey. Quervo goes for a low blow that floors Dave. Two count on Diamond. Quervo lands a sloppy DDT and Quervo goes into the corner. He goes for his finishing maneuver but Dave gets his foot in the ropes. Dave lands the "Bang Your Head" DDT and gets the duke on Quervo. Dave checks on Quervo and raises the Luchadore's hand in victory.

Mitch Napier v. Bobby Badfingers (w/Mayor Mystery)

Napier is in, then Badfingers slowly makes his way in. Badfingers goes to the corner and gets boos. Napier gets a big ovation. Twice. Badfingers goes to the next corner. Mitch goes up for the 3rd time but Badfingers attacks from behind. Badfingers and Mitch go for the double clothesline then miss. Napier lands it. They go after Jimmy James but he does the same. Mitch and Badfingers lock up. Mitch goes after the Windy City Strongman's left arm. Napier gets Badfingers down. Mitch goes on the offense and clotheslines Badfingers down. Badfingers gets into the ropes and Napier breaks the hold. Napier gets to his corner. Mayor Mystery accuses Napier of cheating. Badfingers floors Napier and chokes him. Mayor Mystery attacks on the outside. The kids at ringside go wild. Mystery nails Badfingers with his cane. Jimmy James is distracted by Badfingers and Mystery goes to work once again on Napier. Badfingers takes liberties on Napier and keeps him down. There's a leg drop on Mitch's crotch area. There's a two count. There's a series two-counts. Badfingers gets him down again and gets a two count. Badfingers lands a leg drop and another two count. Badfingers distracts James as Mystery attacks Mitch yet again. Badfingers misses a splash in the corner and Mitch lands a move from the top rope. Two count. Mitch starts pounding. Then a flying body block. Mitch slams Badfingers then goes to the top rope. Another elbow. Badfinger's foot is in the ropes, perhaps assisted by Mystery. Napier hits an impressive Sioux Falls Slam and Mystery gets his foot into the ropes. Mitch, with uncanny strength for his 195-lb frame, gets him up to the top rope for another gigantic Sioux Falls Slam. Mayor breaks it up. He slides his cane in and Badfingers wallops Mitch with it. The referee sees none of it. Badfingers covers Napier and gets the three-count. The winner and still KSWA Golden Triangle Champion: Bobby Badfingers!

Blood Beast v. Jack Massacre

Mayor Mystery gets on the microphone and says that the Blood Beast is the only true giant in the KSWA. The 7-foot Massacre makes his way to the ring. The two biggest Megastars in the World slug it out with neither one flinching. Massacre slams Blood Beast. They continue to battle it out. Massacre misses with a clothesline. Blood Beast gets Massacre into the corner and kicks him in the head. Beast continually goes after Massacre's eyes. Blood Beast punches Massacre, Massacre smashes Blood Beast. After a series of clotheslines, Blood Beast finally goes down. Massacre goes after the mouthy Mayor Mystery. Massacre whips Blood Beast into the corner and the ring moves six inches. Blood Beast and Jack Massacre continue to battle toe-to-toe in the middle of the ring. Blood Beast goes for a flying lariat and just phases the monster Massacre. The heavy blows continue. Massacre whips Beast into the corner. Blood Beast comes out with a series of kicks. Massacre catches Blood Beast in a side slam and the ring bounces six inches. Massacre clotheslines Blood Beast over the top rope. Mayor Mystery hits Massacre with his cane. Massacre goes after Mystery. Both big men are on the outside for the ten count. Double count out.

KSWA Tag Team Championship: Martin & Douglas v. Party Gras

The Krazies dance for more than five minutes as Justin Sane and Lord Zoltan make their way to the ring. Del Douglas and Lou Martin are furious with the Tag Team's shenanigans. Justin Sane starts out with Douglas. Sane pump hands Douglas' arm and then tags in Lord Zoltan. Zoltan pump handles Douglas' arm more than a dozen times before Sane is tagged back in. Sane continues to work on the Regal left appendage. Sane has Douglas down, just out of Martin's reach. Sane tags in Zoltan. Referee Justin Smith doesn't see it but allows it anyway. Zoltan urges Martin in and he distracts the ref. Justin Sane comes back, but the ref isn't sure if a legal tag was made. He allows it as Douglas goes for a low blow. Douglas kicks Sane as Frank Durso distracts Justin Smith. Martin is tagged in and he whips Sane into the ropes for a clothesline. Douglas comes back and drops an elbow on Sane. Then there's the bodyslam. Douglas goes for the fist that's banned in "49 out of 50 states." Justin kicks up at two. The ref is distracted by Zoltan, allowing Martin and Douglas to double team Sane. There's a side-slam and two-count on Sane. Justin bites Martin in the boot. Sane is able to tag in Zoltan threatens to kicks Martin in the crotch. He does with the ref looking the other way. Zoltan fish-hooks Martin then tags in Sane. Justin threatens to kick Martin, then head butts him in the privates. Zoltan is back in. Zoltan goes for a leg submission move. Justin Sane rushes in and trades places with Zoltan. With the ref distracted by Durso, Douglas kicks Justin, breaking the hold. Douglas suplexes Justin. The ref questions the tag but allows it to happen. Douglas grabs Justin in the privates and chops him. Then it's the Royal Sharpshooter. Martin drops a leg on Sane. Sane battles out and Martin is tagged in. He continues to assail Justin by driving his chest into the mat. Sane is spilled on the outside. Lord Zoltan may or may not be using a wrench on Martin. Durso protests. Zoltan shows the ref that the doesn't have a foreign object. Zoltan may or may not wallop Martin with it. Sane goes for a two-count. There's a double clothesline in the center of the ring. Zoltan stomps on the apron as a way to get the fans involved. Referee Justin Smith counts both men. They get to their respective corners. There's a double noggin knocker by Zoltan. Both opponents are then in the corner for a series of punches. They are whipped in together. Douglas falls outside. Martin falls to the mat. Sane lands the Shock Therapy Frog Splash on Martin for the three count. Winners and still KSWA Tag Champions: Party Gras!

KSWA Heavyweight Championship: Kris Kash v. Ali Kaida (w/Mayor Mystery)

Mayor Mystery demands that the Krazies don't chant "USA, USA." They, of course, do. The bell is rung and the match starts. Kash, who was attacked earlier in the night by the VIPs, starts out energetic, but is almost immediately beaten down by Ali Kaida. Kaida buries his shoulder into the small of Kash's back, which was attacked by Blanchard with a chair. Kaida throws Kash around and then goes after his neck. There's a two-count. Kaida bodyslams Kash in the center of the ring. Kaida power bombs Kash in the corner, that's where he is attacked by Mayor Mystery with the Afghanistan flag. Referee Jimmy James is distracted by Ali Kaida as Mayor Mystery pounds on Kash. Kaida goes out and tosses Kash back in. Kaida vice-grips Kash's skull then goes for the pin. Two count. Kaida whips Kash to the hardwood again. Kaida distracts the ref and Mystery goes to work on Kash again with the flag. Kaida throws Kash into the ring post, then goes for a clothesline. Kash ducks and Ali raps his arm onto the steel. Kash dives onto Kaida from the top rope onto the floor. Kash, now with the beginning of a black eye, goes to work on Kaida, landing the tilt-a-whirl drop kick. Kash goes for the pin. Two count. He hits a drop kick but Kaida doesn't budge. A reverse kicks falls the champion. Kash climbs to the top rope for a flying body press by Kaida catches him and lands two back breakers. Kaida lands a thunderous power bomb and records the one, two, three. The winner and still KSWA champion, Ali Kaida.

Thus ends the latest KSWA Krazy Tour: The Road To FanFest.