Lawless Flawlessy Outlasts 37 Other Battle Bowl Participants; Gregory & Bubba Care Enough To Win Tag Team Gold
January 7, 2018
By Trapper Tom, Editor, KSWA Digest
Some 400 KSWA Krazies bared the single-digit temperatures of January in Pittsburgh to attend Battle Bowl X. They watched 38 Megastars battle for opportunities at the most prestigious wrestling titles in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. They also witnessed a historic change of titles as “Team Don’t Care” did whatever they could to win the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance tag team championship.
Brohemoth v. Joey Quervo
The 320-pound BROhemoth enters the ring and is followed by The Drunken Luchadore, Joey Quervo. The capacity crowd is electric for both Megastars, young and veteran alike. Referee Shawn Patrick checks on the drunken pugilist. BROhemoth chatters with the crowd. The bell rings thanks to Gentleman Joe Perri and Quevo is slow to come out of his corner. The two lock-up and BROhemoth tosses his opponent across the ring and down to the floor. Quervo crawls back in and the two look at each other. Quervo asks the referee a question. Patrick is able to answer. BROhemoth keeps asking Quervo to lay down and quit, but the one-time tag team champion doesn’t comply. Quervo cannot pull him out of the corner, and BROhemoth follows with a clothesline and body slam. There’s a fall away cannon ball slam. Quervo gets a shoulder up when BROhemoth goes for a sloppy, one-handed cover. There’s a splash in the corner and a German suplex. BROhemoth stands over Quervo and misses with another fall away slam. BROhemoth catches Joey and slams him down. There’s a three count. After the bell, BRO picks up Joey and slams him down again. He wants a five-count and gets it. 3:47
Five Star Championship: YINZA v. Bob Badfingers (champion)
Referee Jimmy James awaits as the two Megastars make their way to the ring. James holds up the 5-Star Championship to the Krazies. The electric crowd chants to YINZA. The fans chant “Deep Dish Sucks” referring to the famous Chicago delicacy. Tonight, the Krazies cannot get enough of YINZA. A chat of “Boring Bob” starts and the 5-Star Champion successfully body slams the challenger. Badfingers drops Yinza again. The fans wave terrible towels and chant for Yinza. Badfingers drops him again and preens to the far-from-adoring crowd. Out of nowhere, the spry Yinza body slams Badfingers twice and hip tosses him down in the center of the ring. Yinza goes to work on Badfingers’ arm. He drops an elbow and gets a one-count. Yinza whips Badfingers in the corner and follows through with a splash and pin. He gets to two. Yinza smashes Badfingers’ head into the corner post three times. He follows that up with 10 punches to the head. Badfingers goes low and drops the Luchadore. Yinza will not submit. Badfingers distracts the referee enough to drop a leg on the Luchadore’s lower region. Badfingers clotheslines Yinza down. Yinza rolls up Badfingers and nearly gets a three-count. Badfingers argues with the ref about the validity of the count. He drops Yinza again with a clothesline. Yinza is posted on the bottom rope and Badfingers races around for a punch to the head. Badfingers suplexes Yinza down and gets a two count. Yinza rebounds. Yinza rolls across the ring lands a splash. Yinza nearly pins Badfingers. The fans are shouting for Yinza. The Yinza to Belly suplex is next. Badfingers puts his boot on to bottom rope as Patrick makes the three-count. Yinza thinks he has won. The referee immediately waves off the pin. Yinza celebrates. 10:30
KSWA Owner Bobby O and Kommissioner Joe Perri come to the ring and talk about Battle Bowl and the 20 (so far) events scheduled for 2018. Bobby O also talks about how the winner of tonight’s Battle Bowl will earn a shot at the KSWA Heavyweight Championship (the others will still be determined by raffle). He also notes that a fourth opportunity will present itself as a Brawl Under the Bridge match will be added to the rewards of Battle Bowl.
Golden Triangle Championship: Shawn Blanchard v. Anthony Alexander (champion)
Alexander faces off with Tommy Faime, whose arm is in a sling following his matchup last month at FanFest. Blanchard is in the ring, ready to face his formidable, long-time foe. The bell rings and Blanchard places Alexander in a head lock. Blanchard is dropped and Double-A floors him with a series of clotheslines. He goes to the outside and Alexander soon follows. Faime shouts directives and encourages from ringside. Alexander posts Blanchard on the apron, where he promptly kicks the challenger in the mush. Alexander continues to work on Blanchard, whips him in the corner and lands a bulldog. He gets a near finale pin but the multi-time champion kicks out. Faime tries to help by rolling Blanchard back in. Alexander gets in Faime’s face. This gives Blanchard a chance to catch his breath. There’s a poke to the eye that staggers the big man. Blanchard follows up with a series of kicks to the gut while Alexander is down. Blanchard goes for a pin and gets two. Double A is seated in the ring and Blanchard goes to work with a sleeper. He gouges, pokes and smashes at the GT champion. Alexander is posted on the middle rope. Faime uses the ropes to choke Alexander while the referee is distracted. Alexander is whipped hard into the corner. Blanchard boots the small of his back. There’s another whip into the corner. Blanchard shouts that he will “break his back.” The fans start to chant for Alexander again. There’s a pin attempt but Alexander gets a shoulder up. A whip is reversed, Alexander catches the challenger and drops him down for a bodyslam. A two-count follows. Both veterans are completely spent. Blanchard drops Alexander and then drives his forehead into Alexander’s crotch. That makes the crowd groan. Blanchard pulls Alexander to the apron, where he smashes a knee. Blanchard rolls back in and gets Alexander in the Figure Four leg lock. Alexander has been in his position many times in his KSWA career. He lets his shoulders fall to the mat, where Patrick makes a two count. Alexander powers up and the crowd chants, “Double A, Double A!” Alexander is able to get out of the hold and land a power slam. Alexander gets to one knee. Blanchard is ready to pounce. Blanchard may have something in his fist. Blanchard misses with the loaded fist, but Alexander lands the Prime Time Cancellation for the victory and title retention.
KSWA Tag Team Championship: Bubba the Bulldog and Dennis Gregory (w/Mayor Mystery) v. The Jester and T-Rantula (champions)
Mayor Mystery grabs the microphone and says that it was an injustice for referee Shawn Patrick to not award the KSWA tag team championship belts to "Team Don’t Care." Patrick has a difficult time wrangling the combatants in. The Jester and Bubba the Bulldog start off this important contest. Bubba, who has visibly gotten into tip-top shape for this match. The two lock-up and The Jester quickly gets behind the long-time veteran. Mayor Mystery is busy at ringside yipping with the crowd. Bubba punches and kicks The Jester and gets him into the ropes. Drop toe hold floors Bubba. The Jester then rides him around until Bubba bails to the concrete floor. He is beside himself. Once back inside, Bubba goes to work with heavy sledges on The Jester’s back. Dennis Gregory is tagged back in. Gregory synchs’ in an abdominal stretch. Jester is able to get out of it and tags in T-Rantula. T overhand chops Gregory down. Bubba races in for some action and gets it in the form of a big, overhand chop. All four men are in the ring. T asks who’s legal. Soon, it’s Jester and Gregory. Jester suplexes Gregory and gets a two count. Jester gets Gregory in a chin hold. He breaks out of it. The referee is distracted by T Rantula, and that allows Bubba and Gregory to work on The Jester. Jester crawls for T but is intercepted by Bubba. He steps on The Jester’s hair and stalls his progress. Team Don’t Care distracts the referee enough to keep the duo in on The Jester. Gregory is in and he puts a boot to The Jester. He teases T-Rantula in the corner. Gregory pulls The Jester up and whips him into the ropes and lands a drop kick. Bubba is tagged in and lands a drop kick. Bubba continues his assault on The Jester. Jester fires back. Jester grabs Bubba’s foot but the Bulldog kicks The Jester in the head. Bubba goes to work on The Jester. Gregory is whipped into The Jester. Bubba lands a Bulldog on The Jester. Gregory goes for the cover but T Rantula breaks it up. Both Gregory and The Jester are down. Jester gets a knee up and stops a Gregory charge. Gregory makes the tag to Bubba. He stops Jester’s advance at least, momentarily. T clotheslines both Megastars and gets a boot up to hit Bubba. T-Rantula lands a knee as Bubba is in the corner. T grabs the nachos from a fan. He nails Gregory and goes to choke slam Bubba. Bubba goes low and drops the giant. The Jester is tagged in. He goes to work on The Bulldog as only The Jester can. Patrick makes a count to two. Jester picks up Bubba and holds him. Bubba is whipped into T-Rantula’s corner. T lands a fist. Bubba is down. Jester tosses Gregory through the ropes. Jester attacks Bubba in the corner. Bedlam breaks out. Mayor Mystery tosses his cane to Bubba, who wallops The Jester and gets the pin. 14:37. Winners and the NEW KSWA tag team champions are Team Don’t Care!
KSWA Heavyweight Championship: Del Douglas v. Mitch Napier (champion)
Even before the bell rings, Douglas attacks Napier. It’s a smart move, as Douglas is one of the only KSWA Megastars to have held every active title, except for the World Championship. Douglas continues the onslaught. There’s a two count on Napier. Douglas says “I got this” and lands the Royal Sharpshooter on Napier. Mitch crawls to the ropes and Referee Jimmy James forces the break. Douglas gets yippy and there’s a shoving match between the two. Douglas lands the fist that “Banned in 49 out of the 50 states.” Remarkably, he gets a two count. Later he gets another near pin fall. Napier is at a competitive loss until he reaches back and lands a series of punches to the midsection. Next, Napier swings Douglas. And then he does it again. He gets a two count. A Side wrench suplex lands Douglas next. Then, Napier goes up for the head butt from the top rope. Mitch lands the Sioux Falls Slam and gets the win. Douglas was as good as he has been in the ring for a very long time; however, he was unsuccessful in his pursuit. 5:00
Battle Bowl X
Jay Flash and The Jester start out. They fight for three minutes. Harley T. Morris and David Marbell enter together and next. Harley attacks Marbell and tosses him over for the first elimination of the evening. Morris and Flash work together against The Jester. The Jester is eliminated as Jack Massacre is next. He goes to work against both Morris and Flash. Massacre hits both Megastars in the head. He eliminates both Flash and Morris at the same time. Next up is Big Mike Malachi. The two big men face off. They lock up and Massacre forces Malachi into the corner. Malachi takes off the wrist tape and chokes Massacre. Shawn Blanchard is next. He races in and goes directly after Massacre. Blanchard and Malachi both go after Massacre. The giant double clotheslines both Megastars down. Shane O’Shea is next. He goes after Blanchard, who goes to work on the one-time Megastar. Blanchard swinging neck breaks O’Shea. La Lucha is next. The crowd chants for him as he goes after Blanchard and eliminates the 6-time, former champion. Massacre boots O’Shea. Malachi suplexes La Lucha. Biker Al, the long-decorated veteran, is next. La Lucha has Biker Al down as the Krazies chant for the Mayor of Mexico City. La Lucha was eliminated. QB Blitzz, the former KSWA tag team champion, is next. He goes right after O’Shea in a battle of early 2000’s KSWA Megastars. Shane O’Shea is eliminated by Blitzz. Sylvester Scarpone is next. Massacre cannot eliminate Scarpone. Stan Squatch is next! He is immediately eliminated by Malachi. Malachi slams Scarpone.
Bob Badfingers is next. The fans chant “Bobby,” which the 5-Star champion hates. Malachi and Badfingers eliminate QB Blitzz. Gino Slice is next. Slice goes right after Scarpone. Badfingers is eliminated next. Scarpone tosses him away and over the top rope. He was eliminated and went right for the bar. Massacre tosses Scarpone over the ropes and onto the concrete floor. Lord Zoltan is next. He goes right Slice in the corner. Next up is “The Enigma” Lucio Deveer. Deveer goes right after Malachi. Zoltan goes right after DeVeer. Lou Martin races in next. Massacre plants a boot right in his face. DeVeer tries to eliminate Zoltan but Malachi makes the save. Next up is Dennis Gregory, the new KSWA Tag Team Champion, who is accompanied by Mayor Mystery and tag team partner Bubba the Bulldog. The KSWA Championship Committee announces that Bubba the Bulldog and Dennis Gregory are eliminated from Battle Bowl X because they refuse to partake. Big Country, Matt McGraw, is next. Gino Slice is eliminated. Justin Sane is next. He races in and joins the fray. The Owner of the KSWA, Bobby O, is next. The fans chant for Bobby. El Skeletorious is next. He races in and goes to work on Trick McSorley. Trick McSorley and Bobby O have been eliminated. The Cleveland Bruiser is next. Lord Zoltan has been eliminated. El Skeletorious has been eliminated. David Lawless goes right after DeVeer and is eliminated. Justin Sane is eliminated. The Cleveland Bruiser is next to be eliminated. T-Rantula is next. He gives a couple of serious over hand chops to Matt McGraw. A third chop drops McGraw. Massacre eliminated Malachi and T-Rantula. Kris Kash is next. Lou Martin tastes concrete next and is eliminated. Lawless puts the boots to Kash. Flyin’ Ryan Burke is next through the curtain. He receives a nice ovation. Massacre tosses Lawless across the ring. BROhemoth is next. He comes in with a head butt for everyone. Massacre and BROhemoth go toe to toe. Yinza is next. BROhemoth picks up Yinza and slams him into the corner, where Lawless resides. LA Gold comes out next. “Scum Bag” Zak Hunter is next. The fans chant for “The Scum Bag.”
Mayor Mystery, the Manager of Champions, is out next. McGraw and Gold have been eliminated. Mayor Mystery and Yinza have been eliminated. Out next is the Golden Triangle Champion, Anthony Alexander. BROHemoth was eliminated. “The King” Del Douglas is the last participant. Hunter was eliminated next. Douglas, Kash, Massacre, Alexander, Burke and Lawless are the last competitors. Douglas was tossed out. Alexander goes after Massacre, the biggest brute of the bunch. Lawless posts Burke in the corner. Kris Kash is away from the mess. Alexander is eliminated. Lawless confers with Burke to go after Massacre. Soon, Kash joins in. Massacre choke slams Lawless. Burke goes after Massacre. Massacre choke slams Burke. He grabs Kash and posts him in the corner. Kash eventually is knocked from that perch. Burke and Massacre tussle in the ropes. Lawless sees an opening. Massacre tosses Burke, and then Lawless pushes Massacre, who was still leaning over the ropes. Massacre, who was the fourth Megastar in the Battle Royal event, is the second to last wrestler eliminated. That means that the winner of Battle Bowl X is “The Gavel” David Lawless! He gets an opportunity at the KSWA Heavyweight Championship in 2018. Jack Massacre, Ryan Burke and Kris Kash have also earned opportunities, which will be determined by raffle in the near future.