Big & Bigger Strain, Johnson Can't Help Latin With VIPs, Napier Ties Up Best Of Five, Spear Asylum Strikes

May 1, 2016
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist

The largest Fatal Four Way, perhaps in the history of professional wrestling in Pittsburgh, ended in controversy. The Best of Five series for the KSWA’s 5-Star Championship evens up. The new “Spear Asylum” made its mark in its debut, the showdown between Del Douglas and Lord Zoltan seemed to end, and the VIPs continue a dominance that has defined their legacy in the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance (KSWA)

Del Douglas v. Lord Zoltan

This feud has raged on for the better part of a year. Lord Zoltan always had the upper hand on “King” Del Douglas. Zoltan stole Douglas’ crown and robe, and in an indignity of epic proportions, Zoltan sheared Douglas’ “royal locks.” Five months after having his head shaved at FanFest, “King” Del Douglas arrives at the Teamster Temple with Dred locks that would make MMA ring announcer Dan Began jealous. Lord Zoltan arrives to the blaring tune of Prince’s “Raspberry Beret.” The bell rings and Lord Zoltan is distracted by the kids at ringside who are cheering “Burger King.” Referee David Fedor makes the count and Zoltan is in the ring with Zoltan. The veteran grabs the microphone and says that his hair looks better than actress Whoopi Goldberg’s. King bails out for a while. Fedor counts and Douglas makes his way back in. Zoltan drops Douglas and kings him in the royal jewels. Zoltan uses Douglas’ luxurious locks and then pulls them off. Zoltan wears the wig as Douglas freaks out. The royal locks have been tossed aside, and Douglas’ full head of hear shines through. Zoltan drops Douglas again and ties him up into a surf board maneuver. At the five minute mark, Douglas is able to break the hold and he gets offense on the 40-year veteran. Zoltan is down in the middle rope. Douglas is in charge. He buries shoulders into Zoltan’s midsection. Douglas whips Zoltan into the ropes. It’s believed that he is going to grab Zoltan by the male parts, but Zoltan fights it off. Zoltan is whipped into the ropes. Zoltan gets a knee up and clobbers Douglas. Douglas is able to regain momentum. Douglas slaps him into the Royal Sharpshooter and Zoltan soon taps out. The winner by submission is “The King” Del Douglas. Douglas recaptures his crown and robe from Zoltan. Zoltan favors a knee that was injured during the match. (7:31)

Sniper v. Justin Sane

Sniper is accompanied to the ring by not only Mayor Mystery, but “Nasty” Nick Crane, who has not been cleared to wrestle. Referee Justin Smith calls for the bell and the match is officially started. Sane gets the crowd to chant, “USA, USA.” Sane goes for an arm bar and then goes to the apron. Mayor Mystery is irate as usual wrestling occurs. Justin has Sniper’s arm and he goes to the top rope. He goes “Old School” and drops Sniper to the mat. Sane goes for a submission move with another arm bar. Sniper will not give up. Sniper gets to his feet and rakes Justin’s eyes. Justin is then flopped into the middle rope. Referee Justin Smith is distracted as Crane attacks Sane from the outside. Sniper hits Sane with a punch to the forehead. Sniper then suplexes Sane. He gets a two count. Sniper chokes Justin as Smith counts to four. Sniper bodyslams Sane. Then there’s a big leg drop. Two count on Sane. There’s a difference of 105 pounds in weight between the two competitors. Sniper uses that advantage to his advantage. Sniper gets Sane into a submission move with arms bent back. Kids at ringside chant for Sane. Sniper drops Sane to the mat. Sniper yells at the ref. Sane is dropped into the middle rope. Sane gets momentum and drops a leg onto Sniper’s neck. Mayor Mystery interferes. Sniper grabs his flagpole. He’s gonna smash Justin. He dukes. (6:17)

5-Star Championship Kaida v. Napier

Kaida is ready for Mitch Napier who enters through the crowd. Kaida throws Mitch into the corner and then suplexes him in attempts for a quick pin. There’s only a two count. Napier is equally ready for the action and he goes right after Kaida by dropping him down from his legs. Napier continues his assault. There’s nothing pretty as Napier shoves Kaida into the ropes after a drop kick on a sitting Afghani Assault Weapon. Mitch keeps Kaida grounded with a reverse neck breaker. Kaida is down as Napier goes to the top rope. There’s a huge head-butt on Kaida from the corner. The fans are chanting for Mitch as Kaida gets rolled into the bottom rope. Kaida avoids a pinfall by getting into the ropes. Napier goes for a Sioux Falls Slam but Kaida blocks it. He suplexes Napier and goes after another. This time, Napier blocks it. (5:00)

VIPs v. Latin and a Mystery Partner

The VIPs make their way to the ring. The Latin Assassin comes out and introduces “The Ice Man” Tony Johnson is introduced as the tag team partner. This has become a trend for Johnson, who came out to surprise Jay Flash and Tommy Faime at FanFest. Latin and Johnson rush the ring, clothesline the VIPs and send them packing to the outside. Once back inside, Martin and Blanchard do their best to mock and bully Latin and Johnson. That doesn’t happen as the veteran Latin won’t have any of it. Faime says that Latin is “always cheating.” The fans go nutty when Latin tags in Latin at the two minute mark. Johnson keeps Blanchard down. Johnson smashes Blanchard with knees to the gut. Latin is tagged back in. Blanchard eventually gets Latin into his corner and that’s where Martin is tagged in. At the 3:40 mark, Martin is dropping leg drop after leg drop onto Latin. Martin then gets Latin into the ropes. With Smith distracted, Blanchard drops to the outside and works over Latin. Faime is cheerleading at ringside. Blanchard snap mares Latin over. Blanchard is dropped by a side suplex. Blanchard is able to reach over to Martin and make the tag. Smith is distracted; Martin drops a knee and then a forehead into Latin’s abdomen. Martin misses with a leg drop as Latin rolls out of the way. Latin is up with an elbow drop. Johnson is tagged back in. There’s a double back elbow that drops The Face of Pittsburgh. Blanchard breaks up a pin attempt by Johnson on Martin. Johnson, who has a shot at the Golden Triangle Championship at his call, punches at Martin’s head while in the corner. Johnson blows Martin over like a feather. Johnson taunts Blanchard before trying for a Figure Four leg lock. Martin rakes the eyes. Martin hits Johnson in the back of the head and misses a clothesline. Johnson lands one of his own. Two count. Johnson gets Martin into a Figure Four. Blanchard rushes in. Latin gets Blanchard into a Figure Four of his own. For a few seconds, all four Megastars were in the center of the ring, involved in Figure Fours. They are eventually broken. Chaos continues. Latin lays out Martin with a Lariat. Faime and Johnson are outside. Martin’s baseball is thrown in. Blanchard clocks Latin with it and the VIPs get the win. (9:38)

Harley T. Morris v. The Jester

The bell rings and The Jester scares Morris by spanking him in the buttocks. Marbell has never left the ring. Jester smacks him too. More than one full minute after the bell rings, Marbell is still in the ring. Jester smacks both in the hinny and proceeds to hip toss Morris more than half a dozen times. In fact, 10 in all. Morris falls down. There’s a two count. Marbell is on the apron. He gets dropped down by the Jester. Morris rebounds and goes after The Jester. He knees Jester down and the former 5-Star champion is down on the mat. There’s a two count from Fedor. Jester gets up and starts to hit Morris, but the Pride of West Virginia pulled Jester’s hair to flip him to the mat. There’s a two count on the Jester. Morris hits Jester with a knee while on the apron. There’s another pin attempt as Jester is still woozy from the attack. Jester rolls Morris up from behind and gets a two count. Jester hits a European upper cut that drops Morris. Morris is whipped into the ropes. Jester misses a splash. He falls to the mat. Morris lands a big elbow. The crowd chants for Jester. Jester foils a sunset flip and sits down hard on Morris’ chest. Both men are down. Fedor starts the double count out. He gets to six as Morris gets to his feet. They trade punches, slaps and chops. Jester smashes away at Morris’ chest. Then there’s another European upper cut and suplex from the apron. Jester lands a reverse cannon ball. Marbell is on the apron. Morris hits Jester with a back breaker. Two count on Jester. Morris kicks Jester in the head. Marbell is in. Jester drops him down onto Morris. Jester climbs the top rope and hits a frog splash on both men. The Jester is your winner. (10:35)

Tag Team Championship: Spear Asylum v. The Lost Boys

Mayor Mystery wants kids at ringside thrown out. Bobby O says no. The bell rings and Bobby Badfingers starts out with Shane Starr. The two veterans start out with power moves. Starr tosses Badfingers around, Badfingers tosses Badfingers. The two warriors lock up and Badfingers bodyslams Starr. Starr gets to the ropes and Bobby O. Starr gets back up and hip tosses Badfingers twice before landing a big bodyslam. Hip toss on and two on Stone. A big bodyslam sends Stone outside and into the waiting arms of Mayor Mystery. The Spear Asylum doesn’t know what to do. Badfingers gets back into the ring and they lock up again. Badfingers chops Starr abut that doesn’t faze him. Badfingers pokes him in the eye instead. Kash is tagged in at the 3:45 mark and he goes right after Badfingers. Kash drop kicks Badfingers. Badfingers is tossed into the corner for a couple of chops. Badfingers is whipped into another corner and a third chop drops him to the mat. Starr gets Badfingers into an arm bar and drops him down. Two count. Stone enters, distracts Starr, then leaves. Badfingers launches Starr up and Stone (who was tagged in) lands an upper cut. Another upper cut drops Starr down. Stone forces Starr into his corner. Kids chant like crazy for Starr. The ref is distracted and that’s enough for Badfingers to choke Starr in the corner. Badfingers whips Starr across the ring but drops him down by the hair from behind. Two count. Badfingers is good about keeping Starr in his corner. Badfingers taunts Kash. The ref is distracted as Badfingers and Stone both choke Starr. Starr kicks out at two from Stone’s attempt. Stone punches Starr in the head. Stone lifts Starr up. Starr goes for a suplex but Stone blocks it. He lands one of his own on Starr. Stone with a short arm clothesline. And then another. Double flap jack is next on both Megastars. Badfingers unloads on Starr. Badfingers drops a leg on Starr’s private region. Stone is tagged in. He goes for a pin on Starr but only gets two. Mayor Mystery and Stone choke Starr as the ref is distracted. Two count on Starr by Stone. Starr can’t quite make it to Kash. Badfingers is tagged back in. He smashes Starr in the back. A clothesline drops Starr, and he kicks out at two. Badfingers taunts Kash with a fake tag from Starr. Starr is whipped into the ropes and he comes back and both wrestlers hit each other with a double clothesline. Both men are slow to get up. Starr makes it to Kash, comes out like a house afire. He drops Stone with clotheslines and a drop kick. He hits a splash. There’s a tilt a whirl drop kick. The fans are chanting for Kash. He chops Stone ferociously. A third time makes the warrior grab his chest. Stone then comes out with a lot of fire. Kash is down. Badfingers attacks both men. Badfingers chokes Starr. Mystery and Bobby O are both in the ring. Bobby clobbers Mystery with his own cane. Kash hits him with a Whisper in the Wind. Mayor rolls out. Kash goes to dive on Stone, who is on the outside. Kash dives but Stone catches him. Stone hits Kash into the ring post. Starr rolls Badfingers up on the inside and the Lost Boys are still KSWA tag team champions. After the match, both Stone and Badfingers spear Starr. They then leave. (15:41).

Fatal Four Way: Jay Flash, Jack Massacre, Mike Malachi and T-Rantula

Jay Flash tries to make up with Big Mike Malachi, Jack Massacre and T-Rantula but the giants aren’t having any of it. They get Flash into the corner and hit him with chops. They do it a second time and T-Rantula’s chop sounds like Flash is hit in the chest with a boat oar. Flash escapes to the outside but is quickly brought back in. Malachi hits him with a side slam. Massacre bodyslams him, and then does T-Rantula. Malachi drops him with a bodyslam. Head butt from Massacre. A chop from Malachi and a chop from T-Rantula drops him to the mat. There’s a big leg drop from T-Rantula. Malachi measures Jay Flash for a big leg drop and Massacre nearly sits on him with a leg drop. There’s a big clothesline from Malachi with a whip assist from Massacre. T hits J with a big boot. T suplexes with him with great aplomb. Malachi picks him up. There’s a standing suplex that drops Flash down. Massacre is next with his own. Malachi goes for a pin but T Rantula breaks it up. He does for a second time. Both Malachi and Massacre pull Flash down. There’s another pin attempt but T breaks it up. T-Rantula bodyslams Flash. T punches him down. T Rantula whips Massacre into Malachi, who is holding Flash up in the corner. Malachi is down and out after the misfire. Flash goes into the corner post. T-Rantula plants Flash with a plate of nachos. The Krazies love that. With Flash out of the picture, Malachi goes after T-Rantula. It is a Fatal Four Way, after all. Flash comes back and peppers T-Rantula on the outside. All Megastars are on the outside of the ring. T-Rantula and Massacre have a face off. Flash dives onto both giants from the top rope. Flash rolls over everyone. Massacre is down in the ring. T Rantula blasts Malachi in the head with a can of beer. The beer flies everywhere. All four are in the ring battling it out with Flash on Massacre, T on Malachi. Jay Flash ducks a chop from Massacre, Jack grabs Malachi by the throat instead. He goes to choke slam him, then relents. Flash pushes Malachi into T-Rantula, who is eager for the win. He chokeslams Malachi and gets the win in the massive Fatal Four Way. After the match concludes, Malachi and Massacre—the one-time KSWA tag team champions—argue about the way the match ended. Massacre extended his hand in friendship and Malachi slapped it away and then left his partner in the middle of the ring. Thus ended KSWA Saturday Night. (12:11)

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