Tables, Bull Ropes And Chairs Highlight Cinco de Mayhem Action

May 6, 2018
By Trapper Tom, Editor, KSWA Digest

KSWA Owner Bobby O was pretty direct when he said he was ready for a night of pure KSWA mayhem. Every match of the evening had a unique stipulation, some of which were the first time ever for Pittsburgh’s longest-running professional wrestling promotion. Many opportunities presented themselves for Megastars who otherwise might not have them. In addition, quite a few statements were made as the KSWA heads into a busy summer season. And nearly 300 fans chose the KSWA over hockey playoffs, spring time weather and seasonal parties.

Lord Zoltan and Del Douglas (w/Mayor Mystery) v. Joey Quervo and La Lucha

In this Texas Tornado match, all four Megastars are in the ring at the same time. Zoltan goes after Quervo with a cane and La Lucha puts the boots to Douglas in the corner. Soon Zoltan clobbers all and gets a wrench at ringside. Zoltan uses the weapon on Quervo. Referee Adam Jugan stands by as all of this is legal during Cinco de Mayhem. Douglas whips La Lucha into the ropes and buries a knee into his midsection. There’s a pin attempt that ends at two. La Lucha rebounds and goes after Douglas. He drops the King and flops onto him from the corner post three times. Mayor Mystery is beside himself. Zoltan breaks up the pin attempt. Douglas gets La Lucha into a Royal Crab. La Lucha breaks out of it and is encouraged by the Krazies. Zoltan and Douglas go after La Lucha and then turn their attention on Quervo. The two “wish bone” La Lucha again. And they do the same to Quervo. Douglas goes for a pin but only gets two on La Lucha. Douglas body slams La Lucha and drops the fist that’s “banned in 49 out of 50 states.” He gets only two on La Lucha. Douglas and Zoltan are in command as both of their opponents are on the mat. La Lucha comes back with Mayor Mystery’s cane and works on both opponents. La Lucha hits Douglas and Zoltan, perhaps in the crotch, with the cane. Quervo also lays in the wooden offense. Quervo drops Douglas with a DDT. Zoltan runs the ropes and knocks Mystery, who had climbed to the apron, to the Lawrenceville floor. Quervo climbs the top rope and hits Douglas with a block buster to get the duke. 6:38

Bull Rope Match: Shawn Blanchard v. Matt McGraw

“Big Country” Matt McGraw comes to the ring with the bull rope and cow bell. Referee Jimmy James latches the rope onto both competitors. Blanchard takes his sweet time getting ready. It’s all a part of the psychology for “The Enforcer.” The bell rings and McGraw closes-in on Blanchard. The former 6-time champion does his best to stay away from “Big Country.” McGraw levels him with a cow bell to the cranium. The ring bounces as McGraw body slams Blanchard in the middle of the ring. Then Blanchard is whipped with the rope. Blanchard won’t give up as the offense is clearly McGraw’s in the outset. There’s another huge body slam on Blanchard. Blanchard uses the rope to hit McGraw in the groin. That levels the playing field. Blanchard hits McGraw square in the back with the rope and makes an uncomfortable thud. Blanchard hits McGraw square in the noggin with the cow bell. Blanchard continues to dig at McGraw’s face. Blanchard gets a folding chair from underneath the ring and clobbers McGraw with it. McGraw will not submit. The chair is posted in the corner and McGraw tosses Blanchard into it. He follows through with offense of his own. McGraw tosses the chair back in. McGraw hits Blanchard in the back with the chair and goes for the pin. He only gets two. McGraw hits Blanchard over and over with the rope. McGraw gets Blanchard in the corner for more punishment. Both Megastars are showing discomfort as a result of the ongoing offense. Blanchard rallies and gets the rope around McGraw’s neck. Big Country battles back with a boot to the gut and a pin attempt. Two-count. Both wrestlers are gassed. They get to their feet and McGraw rushes Blanchard in the corner. He gets a knee to the gut for his efforts. Blanchard gets the chair. He hits McGraw flush in the head with the chair. He makes the cover and gets the pin for the win. 9:14. Post-Match: Blanchard finds McGraw's cowboy hat, puts it on and leaves the ring.

Best 2 out of 3 falls: Lou Martin and Tommy Faime v. Trick McSorley and Yinza

Martin calls for the bell to be rung twice by Kommissioner Joe Perri. Yinza immediately rolls Martin up and gets the first pin in 17 seconds. We are off to the races. An embolden Yinza gets an arm wringer on Martin and tags in McSorley. Yinza is soon back in and is in early control on Martin. He posts the former 2-time KSWA Champion into the corner for a series of punches to the head. McSorley is tagged back in and the two Megastars drop elbows on Martin. The resilient Martin is able to get to his corner and tag in Faime. The much larger Faime drops McSorley with a body slam. He tags Martin back in. Faime does not seem to be bothered by the shoulder injury he sustained in December. Martin posts McSorley into the middle ropes and dives onto him. A fan can be heard screaming, “He’s Just a Boy,” and Martin inflicts damage on the youngster. Faime is tagged in and he delivers a knee to the gut. Faime hip tosses McSorley down and nearly gets a three count. Martin is tagged back in. Martin dives three quarters across the ring and delivers an elbow. He gets a two count. Faime is back in. He rushes Yinza on the apron and drops him to the floor. Faime sets up Martin, who delivers an elbow and gets a three count at the 6:14 mark. Martin whips McSorley down and drops him to the mat. Martin delivers boots to McSorley and a slap to the face. Then there’s a club to the head. There’s a big clothesline that keeps Trick down. Yinza is calling for the fans to support McSorley. Faime goes for a pin but McSorley kicks up at two. Faime misses with a clothesline and McSorley lands a cross body block. McSorley is so close to Yinza. He gets to him and the Pittsburgh Luchadore is on fire. He gets both VIPs in corners. McSorley is in and they whip the VIPs into one another in the center of the ring. There’s a couple of hip tosses on the VIPs. McSorley tries to pin Martin but he kicks up. Yinza goes for the La Lucha drop from the corner. He only gets a two count. Faime tosses Martin something into Martin. He clobbers Yinza with the fist full of illegal object and makes the cover to get the pin. The 10:15.

Golden Triangle Championship: Tables Match: Harley T. Morris (w/David Marbell) v. Anthony Alexander

Referee Jimmy James takes his time with the opponents, as this is indeed a challenge for reigning champion Alexander. Morris bails to the outside and Alexander follows. Morris gets back in and goes out the other side. He is quick to jump back in. Morris does a good job of staying away from Alexander as the crowd chants louder and louder for the Golden Triangle Champion. Alexander gets some punches in and tosses Morris into the corner. Alexander body slams his opponent. And after a few moments, simply does it again. Alexander goes after Marbell on the outside. He rushes away. Alexander picks Morris up again and drives into the wood and steel that makes up the ring. Alexander ducks to the outside and looks under the ring for a table. He finds one and chases Marbell off. Alexander tries to bring the table in, but Morris baseball slides and kicks the table into Alexander at ringside. They are both on the outside. Morris cleans off the ringside table and puts Alexander’s head into it. Alexander is posted on the table. Morris goes up to the top turnbuckle. Alexander recovers and drives him in the ring the hard way. Morris rebounds and goes after Alexander on the apron. Both men are inside. Morris tries to suplex Alexander over the top rope but it doesn’t work. They are both inside the ring. Morris continues to go after Alexander. Morris nearly flies over the top rope, and onto the table but he catches himself. Marbell pushes him back onto safer apron ground. Alexander is still on the apron. The chants get loud for the Golden Triangle Champion again. Alexander picks up the other table from ringside and tosses it into the ring. Morris drops Alexander down in the center of the ring. Impressively, Morris hits Alexander with a German Suplex. That’s enough time for Morris to put the table up in a corner. Alexander is on his feet. He’s posted on the table. Morris goes for a splash on the table. Alexander moves. He hits some offense on Morris. There’s a fall away slam on Morris. Alexander checks out the table. Double A sets it up in the center of the ring. The fans chant loudly for the table. Alexander goes for it but Morris rebounds. Alexander is in the corner and Morris is down on the mat. Alexander takes the opportunity to catch his breath. Morris uses the table as a weapon by bouncing Double-A’s head off of it. Morris adjusts the table. Morris picks him up. Marbell goes for powder in Alexander’s face but hits Morris instead. Marbell is sent in the “hard way.” Alexander puts Marbell on the table. Morris gets to his feet. Alexander Jack Knife power bombs Morris onto Marbell and through the table for the victory. 14:31.

Five Way Scramble: Zak Hunter, Sly Scarpone, Lucio Deveer, Ryan Burke v. Mitch Napier

All five competitors are in the ring at the same time. As Referee Jimmy James calls for the bell, Zak Hunter insults all of the other competitors. Napier and Burke double drop kick out of the ring. Deveer tosses Scarpone over the top rope, but he “skins the cat” back in. Deveer knocks him out a second time, this time to the floor. Burke and Napier are in the ring and Burke drops the Champion with flying moves. Then, Burke dives over the top onto the three other Megastars. Burke meets a flying back elbow from Napier. Scarpone is back in and the two start to fight. Scarpone leap frogs Napier twice and goes for a body press, but Napier gets out of it. The two continue their offense before hitting each other with drop kicks. Scarpone falls to the outside. Hunter is back in and he goes after Napier. A flying leg scissors from Burke drops Hunter. Deveer is back in and he drops Burke. He hits a couple of huge clotheslines on Burke and then a fall away cannon ball. Burke rolls out. Scarpone flies from the corner and hits a drop kick on Hunter. Napier hits Hunter with a German Suplex. Then Burke. Then Scarpone. Deveer is back in and he goes after Napier with chops. Napier picks up Deveer and sidewalk slams him on his own knee. Burke is tossed into Deveer. Napier dives over the top rope and whips his opponent’s necks on the top rope. Scarpone tries to pin Hunter and gets two on the inside. That riles Napier, who goes in and hits Scarpone with a standing suplex. Burke meets Napier on the top turnbuckle with a chop and an attempt at a super plex. Hunter breaks that up. They argue. They each try to super plex Napier, but they argue. The Krazies shout for them to do it together. Hunter goes up again and they take the fan’s opinion and try to do it. Scarpone and Deveer join in and together they land the most super of plexes. All five Megastars are down as a result. Over the fan’s shouts for Napier, one fan can be heard cheering for Lucio. Burke is up and kicks Napier. He gets a two count. Deveer drops Hunter and nearly gets a pin. Burke breaks that up. Napier swings Scarpone and gets a two count before the other competitors put a boot hi the champion’s back. Hunter hits a suplex and pin attempt on Napier. Deveer drops Hunter and gets a two count. Burke breaks that up. Scarpone DDT’s Napier from the corner post. Hunter and Deveer are on the outside. Burke gets hit with a German Suplex by Napier and then Scarpone. Napier has Scarpone in the corner and drops him on the mat. Scarpone is up first and he gets Napier up for a slam. Deveer hits the same maneuver on Scarpone. Burke kicks him in the head. Burke kicks Deveer and hits a cross body block. Two-count. Hunter hits Burke. Napier gets Hunter up for the Sioux Falls Slam. He hits it and gets the hard-fought win. 10:14.

Handicap Match: David Lawless and Officer Dan Murphy v. BROhemoth

The bell rings by KSWA Kommissioner Joe Perri and the fans are ecstatic for BROhemoth. BRO tosses David Lawless across the ring and then again. The power of BROhemoth has few peers. BRO continues to toss Lawless from post to post. On the outside, Lawless comes back in and gets some momentary offense on BROhemoth. BRO hits and elbow and tags in Murphy. Officer Dan is one of the few Megastars taller than BROhemoth and it should be a great test of power. They lock up and Murphy seems surprised by BROhemoth’s strength. They lock up again and BRO is unsuccessful in moving the officer into the corner. Murphy does get an advantage and rushes BROhemoth into a corner. He has a head lock on BROhemoth and the big man battles back. The two titans go after BROhemoth, but a shoulder block knocks Lawless down, and then a flying shoulder block sends Murphy to the floor. Murphy’s head is bounced on the apron and into the steel corner post. BRO picks up Lawless and drives him into another corner post. Murphy follows out onto the floor. Murphy and Lawless toss BRO into the ring. They toss BRO into the ropes. He puts on the breaks and levels both of his opponents. Murphy is the first to get up. He goes after BROhemoth in the corner as Lawless falls to the outside. Murphy buries a knee into BROhemoth before tagging in Lawless. Murphy side slams BRO and Lawless hits an elbow. He gets a two count. BRO rolls up Lawless and nearly gets a pin fall. BRO is in the corner and Lawless tries to whip him out. That doesn’t work. Lawless, flawlessly, goes for BROhemoth’s eyes. Murphy is in and he goes to work on the fallen BROhemoth. The Krazies chant for BROhemoth. Lawless is back in. BRO is held in the corner by Murphy. He hits a big knee on BROhemoth and Lawless lands a bulldog. Two-count. Lawless tags in Murphy. BRO hits a double clothesline on his opponents. All three are down. The fans chant loudly for BROhemoth. He splashes each of his opponent in their corners. BRO tosses Murphy into a corner and suplexes Lawless across the ring. Murphy is tossed into a corner and BRO DDT’s him down. Two-count as Lawless makes the save. Lawless goes for BRO but he’s tossed over the top rope and onto the floor. BRO drops Murphy down for the win. 13:13. Post-Match: Lawless backs toward the locker room, where Mitch Napier materializes. He grabs Lawless and tosses him to BROhemoth. BRO drops him down in a version of the Sioux Falls Slam. Napier enters the ring and extends his hand to BROhemoth. BRO shakes his hand and the two celebrate.

Elimination Tag Team Match: Malachi & Massacre v Kash & Starr v. Jester and T-Rantula v. Gregory and Bubba (w/Mayor Mystery)

Malachi and The Jester start out before T is tagged in by Jester. Kash is tagged in by Malachi. Then, T-Rantula tags in The Jester. The Jester uses his usual tomfoolery at the beginning of the match. Kash follows with some of his own. Kash tags in Starr, as The Jester does a cart wheel in the center of the ring. Starr gets a hold of The Jester’s wrist and drives him down with a shoulder. Kash is tagged in and he continues the offense on The Jester. A flying back elbow drops Jester and Kash nearly gets a two count. Kash tosses The Jester out onto the floor. Kash dives over the top rope and onto The Jester. Starr is in and he body slams Jester. T-Rantula objects to Starr’s involvement. Starr goes for a suplex but Jester blocks it and initiates one of his own. T-Rantula is tagged in and he goes to work on Starr. He won’t submit. T gets Starr in the corner and hits a couple of devastating chops. Malachi is tagged back in at the five-minute mark and he puts a boot to Starr’s forehead. Malachi goes for a submission move. Starr won’t give and Bubba is tagged in at nearly the 6-minute mark. That signifies the first offense for any of Team Don’t Care. Jester rides Bubba like a horsey. Malachi is tagged in. He gets some offense in before Massacre is tagged for the first time. He goes after The Jester. There’s a double back elbow on The Jester by Massacre and Malachi. Massacre keeps The Jester in their corner. Kash is tagged in by Massacre. Malachi is back in and he tosses The Jester down and drops him. Starr is tagged in and he goes for a pin on The Jester. Two-count. Malachi and T-Rantula are in together. Malachi hits T in the eyes. T-Rantula rallies and tosses Malachi to the outside. T-Rantula tags The Jester back in. He buries knees in Malachi’s back. Then there’s a big knee, “Jester Style.” Malachi goes low on the Jester, just to get him out of the way. Gregory races around the ring and punches Jester while he’s down. Jester crawls on his hands and knees. Jimmy James has his hands full with this contest. Malachi and T face each other down on the outside. Gregory knows Starr off the apron and onto the floor. Malachi hits The Jester with a big suplex. There’s total mayhem as Gregory climbs the top turnbuckle. Massacre and Malachi attack T on the outside. Jimmy James counts as that action continues. There’s a 10-count as Massacre/Malachi and T-Rantula/Jester have been eliminated. Kash and Gregory face off with some lightning-quick offense. Gregory can’t keep Kash down. Gregory tries to pin Kash with his feet on the ropes, but James disallows it. Gregory keeps Kash down. A fan tells Bobby O that Team Don’t Care are “cheating,” and Bobby can only say “I know.” Gregory catches Kash’s cross-body block attempt and drops the former multi-time champion on his knee. Bubba uses the ropes to keep pressure on Kash. Bubba drops an elbow on Kash and punches Starr on the apron. Bubba tags in Gregory. Team Don’t Care rush Kash with splashes and drops Kash down. There’s a two count. Gregory pulls Kash into their corner and tags in Bubba. Bubba uses a rear chin lock on Kash, while the former champion is on his belly in the center of the ring. Dennis is tagged in and Kash chops both. That doesn’t deter the Champions, who work as a well-oiled machine. Gregory drops a fist on Kash. Bubba is tagged back in. Bubba hits Kash down and then Gregory kicks him down. Bubba stands over Kash and then picks him up. Kash is tossed into the corner, where he spins out and onto Bubba. Kash tags in Starr who clotheslines both champions. Gregory and Bubba are clotheslined down by Starr. Referee James is pulled in to a splash. Dennis and Kash battle on the outside. Starr gets Bubba in a Sharpsburg Sharpshooter. Gregory taps but with the referee down, Bubba hits Starr with Mystery’s cane and the duo retains the titles. 20:04.

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