T-Rantula Answers Open Challenge, Kaida Ties 5-Star Series, Kash Retains, Battle Bowl Opps Abound

February 21, 2016
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist

The Keystone State Wrestling Alliance (KSWA) Megastars were at full-tilt on Saturday, February 20 as a capacity crowd started hot and only got louder and more intense throughout the evening. For some the night was full of prospect for the new year. For some it was a reminder that the KSWA is the most prestigious and competitive league anywhere on the independent landscape.

The evening starts out with KSWA Owner Bobby O and Kommissioner “Gentleman” Joe Perri calling out Mitch Napier, Tony Johnson, the Jester and Harley T. Morris. Battle Bowl winner Napier and the three other finalists learn their opportunities for the New Year. The Jester wins a shot at the tag team championship with a partner of his choice. Tony Johnson wins an opportunity this year for the Golden Triangle Championship. Mitch Napier wins a shot at the most prestigious title in the Commonwealth, the KSWA World Championship. And Harley T. Morris is awarded a chance at the 5-Star Championship.

Nasty Nick Crane and Del Douglas v. Justin Sane and The Jester

Referee Justin Smith calls for the bell. Nasty Nick and The Jester are the first to start off. The crowd is already at froth with the “USA” chants. The Jester grabs Nick from behind and chases Nick to his corner. After the lock up again, Jester gets Crane into his corner and a tag to Sane. Sane continues the offense by draping Crane’s arm over the top rope. Justin drops to the floor and wrings the arm. Justin tags Jester back in. The former tag team champs lock up. Jester drives Douglas down. Jester slaps Douglas in the rump. Douglas doesn’t take kindly to that, so he goes after Jester. Soon the two are battling it out. Jester is able to tag Justin back in. A double back elbow drops Douglas for a two count. Justin wrestles Douglas up again but Douglas may have gone low on Sane. He follows that up with a crotch grab. Another two count, this time on Sane. Douglas gets Sane in a Royal Sharpshooter, the Millvale Crab. Sane is able to make it to the ropes, despite Douglas rocking him hard. Crane is tagged in and he goes after Sane. Douglas is tagged back in. He provides more offense on Sane and a two count. Sane and Douglas battle it out. The two collide in the center of the ring. A one-count is recorded on Justin. Crane is back in. He and Justin double clothesline one another. Mayor Mystery goes crazy at ringside. Sane makes it to the Jester. Crane makes it to Douglas. All four Megastars are in the ring. Crane and Douglas are thrown together. Sane and the Jester both land Frog Splashes on their opponents and get the win (8:33).

Harley T. Morris v. Lord Zoltan

Lord Zoltan arrives on the scene via David Bowie’s “Let’s Dance.” He comes from the Mezzanine, dancing all the way. Lord Zoltan snatches David Marbell’s hat and whips his tooshie with it. Then he whips David Fedor’s with it, before tossing it aside. Marbell charges Zoltan and he is dropped with a left hand to the temple. The bell rings and Zoltan has the crowd into a “West Virginia sucks” chant. He kicks Morris in the abdomen or lower. Then Zoltan blatantly hits Morris in the crotch with a wrench. Morris dives out and into Marbell’s arms. Once back inside, Morris is stretched out by Zoltan. Morris remains on the mat. Morris gouges Zoltan in the eye and that’s enough to drop the legend and into Marbell’s clutches. Morris uses the bottom rope to hit Zoltan in the neck. He pulls Zoltan into the center of the ring for a series of pin attempts. He doesn’t get beyond two. Zoltan is whipped into the ropes and the two collides with clotheslines. Morris clotheslines Zoltan. Two count. Morris leg drop. Two count as Zoltan gets a shoulder up. Morris flaunts as Zoltan is on the mat. Marbell attacks Zoltan as Fedor is distracted. Zoltan sunset flips Morris and nearly gets a three count. Justin Sane later hit the apron, even to distract Morris. Zoltan rolls him up from behind and gets the win! (9:41)

Post-Match: Sane grabs the microphone and challenges Morris and Curt Wootton in a tag team match next month, as part of the Joe Abby night. Marbell accepts.

6-Man Tag Team action: J-Ru, Bobby Badfingers and Sniper v. Kris Kash, Shane Starr and Tony Johnson

Tommy Faime comes to the ring and makes himself the referee in this match. He shakes hands with Mayor Mystery and his stable after kicking Bobby O to the floor. Bobby Badfingers and Shane Starr lock up. Badfingers, surprisingly, is admonished by Faime for grabbing Starr’s hair. Badfingers does it again. Badfingers has Starr in the corner and delivers a punch and kick. Starr whips Badfingers into the ropes, grabs his arm and tags in Kash to dives on the arm from the top rope. Kash whips Badfingers into the ropes, drops him with a drop kick and gets a two count before J-Ru rakes the eyes. Tony Johnson is tagged in and he dives onto Badfingers’ arm from the top rope as well. Johnson has Badfingers in the corner for a big chop. Starr is tagged in and he kicks Badfingers. The two collide in the center of the ring with a double clothesline. Starr and Badfingers punch it out and drop each other. Johnson is kicking the apron and is tagged in. He drops J-Ru, who is also tagged in. Johnson spins J-Ru down with a side suplex. The crowd is at full throttle. Johnson goes for a kick but J-Ru dives out of the way. Sniper is tagged in and he kicks at Johnson. Sniper gets Johnson in the middle ropes. Faime is surprisingly fair in this match. Badfingers is tagged back in and he goes after Starr. That’s enough of a distraction to allow Mystery’s team to induce punishment. Badfingers suplexes Johnson. J-Ru is tagged in and he digs at Johnson’s face. Faime is distracted by Bobby O. Faime throws Bobby O out. That’s enough to allow Mystery’s team to inflict more damage on Johnson. The three-on-one continues in historic proportions as Faime deals with O’s team. Out of nowhere, Johnson springs out of the ropes and kicks Badfingers dead in the head. Both men are down. Johnson stirs. Badfingers rolls to his corner. Johnson tags Starr but Faime doesn’t hear it. Sniper is tagged in and he tosses Johnson over the rope and into Mystery’s cane. Five of the six wrestlers battle it out. Sniper misses a clothesline. Johnson hits a drop kick. He should get a three count, but Mystery interferes. Faime and Mayor Mystery seem to argue. But instead, Faime grabs Mystery’s cane and then buries into Johnson’s midsection. Johnson drops to the mat. A banged up Sniper is rolled over onto Johnson and the three-count is recorded. The winners are J-Ru, Sniper and Bobby Badfingers. (8:22)

Post-match: Latin Assassin arrives on the scene. He gets into the ring and says that he wants to accept the Face of Pittsburgh Open Challenge. Tommy Faime, who is still at ringside arguing with the fans, says no. Instead, he sets up a Joey Quervo v. Latin Assassin match.

Latin Assassin v. Joey Quervo

As soon as the bell rings, it is over, as Latin’s offense overwhelms Joey and he gets the win in less than a minute. (:43)

Post-Match: the wrestlers, who never had a beef when the match started, actually celebrated together with the bar patrons.

The Face of Pittsburgh Open Challenge. Golden Triangle Champion Lou Martin v. Unknown Opponent

Lou Martin, who is accompanied to the ring by Tommy Faime, is beside himself and the capacity crowd at the Teamster Temple is apocalyptic with the announcement that T-Rantula has answered the Open Challenge. The 360-pound giant from Munhall, PA makes his way to the ring. Martin and T-Rantula argue. Martin from the apron and T on the inside. T-Rantula, the long-time, local legend, brings Martin in the hard way. They go for a test of strength. T-Rantula immediately wins that. Faime is beside himself as T-Rantula dismantles Martin. T-Rantula delivers two big-time overhand chops to Martin’s bare chest. The crowd wants a third. That one is louder than the others. Martin cowers in the corner as referee David Fedor does his best to keep things under control. T-Rantula goes for a pin on Martin but pulls him up at two. T-Rantula puts a boot on Martin’s chest but doesn’t want to pin him. T then kicks Lou below the belt. Martin is pulled up and he goes for the giant’s eyes. Martin gets T-Rantula in the corner and puts his boot on T’s throat. The crowd chants, “Garbage Pants.” T is whipped in the corner. He recovers and kicks Lou with a big boot. T-Rantula wrenches Lou’s neck. Martin gets out of it and actually gets T-Rantula in a corner. He delivers punches, but the big guy tosses Martin across the ring. He slowly advances and bodyslams him with ease. Martin is down for the pin but he wrestles out of it and gets a two count on the big guy. Martin drives T-Rantula in the corner. T whips Lou in the corner and delivers a clothesline. T-Rantula gets on top of a fallen Lou and drives 10 fists into his forehead. Lou recovers and drives T into the ropes. Lou tries to take him over the top rope but ends up going himself. Both men are now outside the ring. T-Rantula pours a beer all over Martin. T-Rantula hits Martin with a fan’s sophisticated, hand-made “Garbage Pants” sign. T-Rantula then hits the Lloyd’s of London-insured face of Lou Martin with a plate of nachos. Lou, sporting a head full of nacho cheese, falls back into the ring and that’s enough time to allow a ten count. The winner by count out and still the Golden Triangle Champion is Lou Martin. (8:11)

Jay Flash v. Jack Massacre

Jay Flash runs down Mike Malachi for missing the event. It’s still uncertain why the fan favorite missed another event. Jack Massacre makes his way to the ring and chases the South Beach Soldier to the outside. Once the bell rings, it’s all Massacre with a bodyslam and bone-stretching submission moves. Flash gets his foot on the bottom rope and forces a break in the hold. Flash bails to the outside but makes it back in before the count of ten. Flash, who is accompanied by Tommy Faime, is forced to the mat in a test of strength by one of Massacre’s hands. Massacre clotheslines Flash down and there’s a two count. Massacre puts Flash up in a standing suplex that lasts nearly half a minute. The Krazies want another one. Massacre gives it to them with a bodyslam out of the maneuver. The fans want yet another. Massacre gets Flash in the corner for a chop. He hits Flash with a series of chops. Flash races out of the corner and punches Massacre repeatedly. He then hits him with a drop kick. Flash tries to force Massacre over the top rope but can’t quite do it. Flash kicks on Massacre until he falls to the outside. Massacre meets him after a failed dive through the ropes. Massacre plants him down. Massacre posts Flash on the ring post on the outside. Massacre hits the ring post with a failed clothesline. Flash attacks more before distracting the ref. Faime provides more assault on the outside. Flash kicks Massacre in the head from the apron. Massacre it hurt on the outside. Flash climbs to the top rope after Massacre makes his way back in. He delivers a big-time drop kick to Massacre’s head from three quarters away. Massacre is immediately up. He plants Flash in the center of the ring (10:39)

Best of Five for the 5-Star Championship: Kaida v. Mitch Napier (champion)

Kaida doesn’t make it to the ring before Mitch Napier attacks from the ring. Mitch goes for Kaida’s knee and nearly gets the Afghani Assault Weapon to tap out. Napier continues the assault on Kaida’s knee and then he delivers punches. Mitch continues to go after Kaida’s knee by bending back in ways that he doesn’t need. The submission move goes on for a while as the grinding pressure and forearm smashes keep Kaida dazed. Mitch continues the assault. Kaida is down and he goes after both legs. There’s a drop kick from Napier into Kaida. Then Napier forces Kaida into the corner for European Upper cuts and shoulder blasts. Mitch drapes Kaida’s knee over the middle rope and drops him down. There’s an impressive suplex from Napier onto Kaida. Mitch goes to the top rope and drops a head but on Kaida. Mitch gets Kaida into the corner for another Sioux Falls Slam. Instead, Kaida lands a ring-bouncing powerbomb from the top rope. Kaida covers and gets a two and a half count on Napier. Kaida bodyslams Napier and follows that up with a classic over the top suplex and energizes the crowd. There’s another. Napier kicks up at two and three-quarters. Kaida tosses Mitch into the corner and lands Napier with another, forceful suplex. Kaida gets him into the Cobra Clutch. After an extended period of time, Mitch taps out and Kaida ties up the Best of Five Series. (7:38)

Post-Match: Harley T. Morris rushes the ring with David Marbell in his wake. Morris tries to cash in his 5-Star Championship opportunity. Kaida, in defense of Napier, stops him. Morris and Marbell grumble as they leave. Mitch Napier remains the 5-Star Champion and the series is now tied 1-1.

KSWA Heavyweight Title: Shawn Blanchard v. Kris Kash (champion)

Tommy Faime announces that this match has been changed to a no-disqualification match. The combatants are introduced and the slug fest starts right away with chops and punches. Kash, the ultimate underdog, tosses Blanchard in the corner and hits a big clothesline. Blanchard, the former 6-time champion, spears Kash with authority. They battle on the outside. Blanchard chops Kash with a huge, Temple-rattling shot. Then Blanchard hits him in the head with a can of beer. Blanchard takes him to the stage at the far end of the building for more punishment. Kash somehow battles back. Kash hits with elbows and punches that rock the former champion to the floor. Most of the match has occurred on the outside of the ring now. Blanchard uses a table that was used for a Boys and Girls’ Club Chinese Auction. Blanchard drops Kash with an Atomic Drop. There’s not attempt to pin anyone, there’s just punishment. Blanchard hits Kash with a Heart Punch. Blanchard hits Kash in the head with a bag of snack chips. Blanchard drops Kash down. Blanchard rams Kash’s head into the corner post. Kash battles back with chops of his own. Kash gets to the top corner post and dives onto Blanchard. He pops right back up. Kash uses a fan’s cold beverage to sooth his chopped-up chest. He then smashes Blanchard in the head with the brew. Blanchard is tossed back into the ring. There Blanchard hits him with a spinebuster. Kash kicks up at two and a half. Blanchard hits Kash with a piledriver. He’s used that move a lot in recent months to win matches. He covers Kash, but incredibly, the will of Kash won’t allow him to stay down. He kicks up at two. The two exchange moves, and out of nowhere, Kash hits a Whisper in the Wind. He pins Blanchard and retains the most prestigious title in the Commonwealth. (11:12)

Post-Match: Blanchard wrestles the belt away from Kash in the center of the ring. Blanchard looks at the strap that he’s held six times since the year 2000. In a startling moment, Blanchard extends his hand and Kash is shocked. Kash shakes Blanchard’s hand and the veteran leaves without incident, allowing Kash his moment of glory.

Thus concludes KSWA Saturday Night on February 20.

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