Kaida Wins 5-Star Title In Chaotic Fashion, Flash Strikes Kash Again, Spear Asylum Holds On
June 19, 2016
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist
When Harley T. Morris cashed in his opportunity at the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance’s 5-Star Championship, he did so at a controversial time. Why do it two minutes into one of the most intense rivalries in recent years? Why not what until the No Hold Barred contest had a winner and sneak in? You got to hand it to The Pride of West Virginia for going all in during the penultimate match between Kaida and Mitch Napier. He went all in, and the effort nearly paid off. Meanwhile, Jay Flash, the KSWA’s resident Giant Slayer, took his own shot at KSWA Champion Kris Kash. But before all of that, the KSWA hosted an entire card of riveting wrestling action.
The evening started off with KSWA World Champion Kris Kash challenging Jay Flash. The challenge was interrupted as KSWA Owner Tommy Faime came to the ring with Mayor Mystery and the Mercenaries. Faime ran down Kash, the Pittsburgh Penguins and called himself the number one Father of all time. Faime told Kash that he’d wrestle the Mercenaries later that night by himself or with a partner of his choice. Faime also said that Kash would defend the KSWA Heavyweight title “right now” and against Del Douglas!
KSWA World Title Match: Kris Kash (champion) v. Del Douglas
Kris Kash chops Del but that’s not enough to stop the only King in wrestling. Douglas whips Kash into the ropes and buries a knee in his gut. It’s all Douglas as he drops Kash to the mat and referee Fedor counts to one. Kash buries a fist into Douglas’ stomach, but Douglas fights back. Kash is winded and on one knee. Kash rebounds and hits Douglas with a perfect drop kick. There’s a two and three quarter count. Kash whips Douglas into the corner and Kash lands a tilt a whirl drop kick. Douglas is tossed outside. Kash dives over the top rope and onto Douglas. Kash slaps hands with Bobby O on the outside. Kash rolls Douglas back in. Cross body block on Douglas. Two count. Kash sits up and Douglas is slow in rolling over. Kash and Douglas trade blows. Douglas hits Kash in the forehead with a punch. Kash, now in the corner, kicks Douglas in the head. The Krazies start cheering for Kash. Suplex on Douglas. Two count on Douglas. Kash goes to the top rope. He lands the swon ton and gets the hard-fought win. 5:11
KSWA Tag Team Championship: The Jester and Lord Zoltan v. Spear Asylum (w/Mayor Mystery)
The dancing duo of Lord Zoltan and The Jester—none have ever come close to their willingness to get down with gusto—come to the ring, followed by the brand new tag team champions, Spear Asylum. Zoltan and Jester try to dictate what corner they want to use as their station. Mayor Mystery is incensed with the shenanigans. Vinnie Stone really doesn’t know what to make of Zoltan’s chanting, dancing, stomping and fooling around in the ring. After a full two minutes of “action,” the participants lock up. Zoltan forces Stone into the corner, perhaps pokes him in the eye, and breaks the hold. Zoltan pushes Stone into the corner again for more questionable clinching. Stone once again is jabbed, perhaps in the eye. Stone tries to get Mayor Mystery to call time out. Badfingers is tagged in for the first time. Jester is tagged in and he goes right after the arm of Badfingers. Jester slaps at Badfingers’ rear end and chases him around the ring. Both members of Spear Asylum are on the outside. Badfingers makes it back in at the eight count. Jester drops Badfingers to the mat and rides him like a horsey. Jester cartwheels across the ring as Badfingers once again bails to the outside. Jester ties up with Badfingers and drops him again. Zoltan races in, as does Stone. Both members are dropped for the row, row, row your boat action of Jester and Zoltan. Zoltan threatens to kick Badfingers in the jewels. With the ref distracted by Mayor Mystery, Zoltan does just that. There may have been a shadow tag as Jester comes back in. There’s a two count after Jester lands a backward splash. Badfingers is in. There’s a one count on Jester. Spear Asylum wishbones The Jester’s legs. Stone picks him and snap mares him down. Stone lands a running back elbow. Two count. Stone rakes the boot laces over Jester’s eyes. Spear Asylum is in and they flap jack Jester down. Two count on Jester by Badfingers. Badfingers lays a couple of rights into the Jester’s jaw. Badfingers drop kicks Jester. Stone is tagged back in. The taunt Zoltan and he’s blocked by the ref. They put the boots to Jester. Mayor Mystery chokes Jester as he lies in the bottom rope. He’s then blasted in the throat with the cane. Back elbow from Stone drops Jester. Both men are back in for a double clothesline. Jester fights back against Badfingers. Jester lands a kick into Badfingers’ head. Both Megastars are down. Referee Smith counts to eight before Stone and Zoltan are both tagged in. Zoltan double noggin knocks his opponents. Zoltan works on Badfingers, Jester on Stone in the different corners. Jester lands ten punches. Both Spear Asylum members are down. Mayor Mystery clubs Jester in the thigh as he’s going for a frog splash. Jester falls and gets up just in time for Stone’s spear. Stone holds off Zoltan and Spear Asylum gets the win as Badfingers pins Jester. 12:49
Face of Pittsburgh Challenge: Lou Martin (champion) v. Bob Atlas
Lou Martin makes his way to the ring and then Mr. Puniverse Bob Atlas follows. The two long-time foes get in each other’s faces right away. Atlas clobbers Martin with a slap to the face. That angers the Golden Triangle Champion, who goes to work on the KSWA’s sexiest Megastar. Atlas is down on one leg and then posted in the ropes for a series of gouges and a running leg splash. The Krazies ring out with a “Garbage Pants” chant. The chant is thunderous as Martin goes back to work on Atlas in the corner. Martin misses with a splash. Atlas comes on with some offense and a head-butt. Atlas drops a leg onto Martin on the mat. Atlas gouges at Martin and then drops him with a suplex. A rusty leg drop is next. One count as Martin gets his shoulder up. There’s a head-butt from Atlas from a standing position. Martin is posted in the corner. Atlas drops his sweat pants, bares his pink and black bike shorts for a visit to Stink Face. There’s a fall away slam on Martin and two count. Martin gets an advantage and hits a side slam and two count. Martin misses a huge leg drop from the top rope at the five minute mark. Atlas can’t capitalize with a win as Martin gets a hand on the bottom rope. Atlas whips Martin into the ropes but Martin hits Atlas low. He follows up with a Death Certificate. The winner and still Golden Triangle Champion is Lou Martin! 6:36
Shawn Blanchard v. T-Rantula
The bell rings and KSWA Hall of Famer T-Rantula faces off against former 6-time champion Blanchard. Blanchard says that there will “be no Nacho City tonight, as I’m lactose intolerant,” and T-Rantula pushes him down by the face. It’s all T-Rantula as Blanchard falls into the ring the hard way and T follows up with chops to the chest. Blanchard rallies and gets T in the corner. Blanchard goes after T-Rantula’s left knee in the corner. Blanchard forces T down. T-Rantula gouges away as Blanchard punches away at T’s knee. T fights Blanchard off and drops him down. Blanchard is on the mat and T-Rantula tries to shake off the ill effects of the knee assault. There’s a two count on a pin attempt on Blanchard. T is forced in the corner. Blanchard goes for a splash but T gets a knee up to block the rush. T distracts referee Fedor and that’s enough for the veteran to kick Blanchard low. Blanchard fights off T and whips him in the corner. T gets both feet up for a boot onto Blanchard. T goes out of the ring and gets a boat of nachos. He gets back in and tries to hit Blanchard but the VIP pulls Fedor in for the snack attack. Fedor, now completely covered in cheese, disqualifies both combatants and is carried to the locker room. 7:25
Jay Flash v. Justin Sane
Referee David Fedor is back after intermission, as he rings the bell for this matchup between two cagey veterans. Sane gets Flash by the wrist and ultimately flips him down from the apron. Justin goes “old school” and drops a fist onto Flash from the top rope. Flash falls to the outside and then gets back in. Sane continues to work on the wrist and that doesn’t make Flash happy. Flash rolls Sane down and almost gets a pinfall. Tommy Faime works on Sane in the corner as Flash distracts Fedor. Flash suplexes Sane with authority. Two count on Sane before he gets the shoulder up. Flash assails Sane with punches and kicks. Flash snap mares Sane down. Flash continues with a legs scissor. Sane rolls Flash up and nearly gets a pinfall. Flash ties Sane up in the ropes. Flash is in a seated position as Flash pushes Sane’s throat down on the ropes. Flash uses two big moves from the apron and nearly pins Sane again. Flash picks Sane up and tries for a powerbomb. Sane slides out of it. Sane uses a leg drop for fall Flash. As Sane climbs to the top ropes, Flash regains his footing. Sane hits Flash down with a face buster from three quarters across the ring. Two count. Flash is whipped into the corner. Sane punches Flash in the head while in the corner. Flash picks Sane up, runs across the ring and whips him into the corner post. Sane, incredibly, fights off Flash’s next move. Flash gets Sane into the ropes. He chops Flash. Sane tosses Flash over the top rope and onto the floor. Sane reverse splashes on him. Faime ties Sane up on the apron. That’s enough to get Flash in position to super kick Sane in the center of the ring. The winner is Jay Flash. 9:29.
The Mercenaries (w/Mayor Mystery) v. Kris Kash and Jack Massacre
The bell rings with the Mercenaries confabbing with Mayor Mystery on the outside. KSWA World Champion Kris Kash is like a caged panther in the ring. After a minute of delay, Sniper makes his way through the ropes and tosses Kash across the ring. Sniper, who has a 120 pound advantage over Kash, faces off again. Massacre is tagged in. Massace, who has a 90 pound advantage over Sniper, tosses the Mercenary into the ropes. Nick Crane is tagged in. Referee Justin Smith tries to contain the action. Massacre hits Crane with a series of over hand chops that has the Canadian reeling. Kash is tagged in next. Kash whips Crane into the ropes and into a drop kick. Crane, the savvy veteran, gains offense and tosses Kash into the bottom rope. That’s where Mayor Mystery is on the outside. Sniper is in. He whips Kash into the ropes. Kash attempts a sunset flip, but Sniper stops the momentum and punches Kash in the forehead. Crane is tagged back in. Mystery attacks Kash again in the ropes. Crane gets Kash down and into a spinning toe hold. Kash rolls Crane up for a two count. Crane tags Sniper back in as they have the KSWA Champ on the ropes. Sniper pulls Kash in and Sniper drops Kash’s knee down to the mat from about six feet. Sniper continues the work on Kash’s knee. Kash is screaming in agony. Mystery tries to get involved but Bobby O halts that. Crane is back in. Massacre looks on. Crane continues to work on the leg. Crane tags in Sniper. Sniper posts Kash into the corner. Kash is whipped into another corner; he flops out and onto Sniper. Both Megastars are down. Smith counts to seven before Crane and Massacre are both tagged in. Massacre goes to work on both Mercenaries. He splashes them both in separate corners and then together. Massacre tosses Crane to the outside and powerbombs Sniper in the center of the ring for the win! After the match, Jay Flash hustles in the ring and hits Kash in the back with a steel pipe! 9:11
Five Star Championship: Kaida v. Mitch Napier
Kaida makes his way to the ring. Napier makes his way to the ring from the basement. He comes with a garbage can full of instruments of destruction for this no holds barred match. The bell rings and both combatants trade a vicious series of punches. Napier, on the apron, kicks Kaida in the face. Napier and Kaida continue to brawl with incredible force. Napier has Kaida in the corner. Napier kicks and punches him while running across the apron. Napier finds a chair and garbage can filled with stuff. At that moment, Harley T. Morris arrives and cashes in his Battle Bowl opportunity for the 5-Star Championship. Referee Justin Smith acknowledges that it is now a three way dance. Napier is now back into it. Kaida finds a cow bell and smashes Harley T. with it. Kaida then smacks Napier with it. The crowd chants for more cowbell. Morris is in the ring. David Marbell is on the outside, shouting encouragement. Kaida has a huge red mark over his back. Kaida picks up a steel chair and blasts Napier with it. Napier finds a crutch and goes to work on Kaida. Morris hits Napier in the back with a chair. Kaida pulls Morris to the outside and smashes him pillar to post. Kaida suplexes Morris onto his head on the outside. Kaida hits Napier with a garbage can. Marbell is on his horse, as Kaida chases him around the arena. Kaida hits Morris with a kindo stick. Napier gets Kaida into a Cobra Clutch. Morris kicks Napier in the head to break the hold. Harley finds a toilet seat and wraps it around Kaida’s head and he is tossed into the corner. Morris piles a load of weapons onto Napier and drops an elbow from the top of a ladder. Kaida breaks up the pin. Napier is down in the center of the ring. Kaida applies the Cobra Clutch. Morris breaks it up with a chair. Morris tries to pin Kaida but only gets a two count. Morris drops Napier and nearly gets a pinfall. Morris puts a trash can on Kaida’s head. He hits Kaida with the Kindo stick. Morris fights the Sioux Falls Slam. Napier finally gets him up but Morris fights it. Morris DDT’s Napier in the center of the ring. Morris gets up and Kaida is right there. Kaida suplexes him across the ring and makes the pin. The winner and new 5-Star Champion is Kaida. There is carnage everywhere. After the match there’s a tense moment between Kaida and Napier as each Megastar contemplates acknowledging the other after the hardest-fought No Holds Barred match in KSWA history. But they stop short of that. Napier leaves and lets Kaida celebrate in the ring. 14:45
Thus concludes KSWA Saturday Night.