The Anomosity Between Kash & Flash Has No End In Sight, Badfingers Targets Jester At Children's Miracle Network Fundraiser
October 2, 2016
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist
Former Keystone State Wrestling Alliance (KSWA) World Champion Kris Kash finally had another chance to get his hands on new KSWA World Champion Jay Flash, and he did the best he could with the opportunity. Harley T. Morris was able to retain the 5-Star Championship in another hard-fought battle with The Jester, and Sniper continued Tommy Faime’s charge to unmask Ice Machine.
It was all a part of the KSWA’s latest foray into Westmoreland County as part of the Sam’s Club-sponsored fundraiser for the Children’s Miracle Network and Children’s Hospital.
Nasty Nick Crane and Del Douglas v. Lord Zoltan and Justin Sane
Canada’s National Treasure Nick Crane and Del Douglas make their way to the ring, as do Justin Sane and Lord Zoltan: Party Gras. Referee Adam Jugan, who has made sporadic KSWA appearances over the years, immediately has difficulties with Zoltan and Sane, who continually look for a new corner post to start their match from. The bell rings and Party Gras plays their familiar “head game” about the corner post. Some fans call Douglas “Dairy Queen,” while others simply give him sort of business. Douglas implores KSWA Kommissioner Joe Perri to shush the crowd, to no avail. Zoltan then shushes the crowd just before he shouts “USA, USA.” Douglas tries to get the crowd to chant “Canada,” to no avail. Crane bails to the outside and then gets back in to be fooled by Zoltan. Zoltan gets Nick’s wrist, wrings it, and then tags in Justin Sane, who goes to work on Crane’s arm. Sane jumps off the apron and pulls Crane’s arm over the top rope. Zoltan is back in to wring the arm some more. Douglas implores him not to do it, to no avail. Zoltan does it more for a 10-count. He tags Sane, who goes “Old School” on Crane’s arm, before tagging in Zoltan. Douglas races in, Party Gras drops their opponents down and Zoltan and Sane “row the boat” with Crane and Douglas’ legs. They are in excruciating pain. Sane distracts the referee and kicks Douglas in the Royal Jewels. He distracts Adam Jugan once again for another punt to the groin. Douglas, the veteran, is irate. He gets up and goes to work on Sane. He makes the pin, puts his legs on the ropes and Sane still kicks up. Douglas puts Sane in Crane’s corner for punishment while Jugan holds Zoltan back. Douglas body slams Sane. Two count. He tags in Crane, who goes to work on the mat-bound Sane. Crane chokes Sane and then puts him into a submission move, all the while Douglas is cheering from the apron. Sane starts to battle back, but Crane knocks him down. Crane goes for the pin with his boots high on the ropes. Crane holds Sane up and Douglas punches him down. Douglas hits the fist that’s “banned in 49 out of the 50 states.” He grabs Sane’s groin and slaps him down. Two count. Sane is posted into Crane, who does some more damage. Sane and Crane hit each other with a double clothesline. Douglas is cheering “Canada” from the apron. Sane makes it to Zoltan, Crane to Douglas. Soon all four Megastars are in the ring. There’s a meeting of the minds between Crane and Douglas. Zoltan on Crane, Sane on Douglas for 10 punches to the head. They are thrown together. Crane falls to the outside. Sane Frog Splashes Douglas for the win. 11:45.
LA Gold v. Bobby Badfingers
Newcomer LA Gold dances his way to the ring to the tune of “Hungry Like The Wolf.” Bobby Badfingers makes his way with his tag team championship belt draped over his shoulder. Badfingers smashes Gold and the bell rings. He punches, kicks and leg drops LA Gold down for a two count. Badfingers continues to pound away, pushes his opponent into the ropes. Out of nowhere, Gold starts to gain some offense. That doesn’t last long. Badfingers catches him and body slams his opponent. Badfingers covers LA Gold for the win. 2:27. Post-Match: Badfingers says that The Jester will never find anyone to tag with him to cash in his opportunity for the KSWA Tag Team Championship from Battle Bowl.
Five Star Championship: The Jester v. Harley T. Morris (w/David Marbell)
KSWA Head Referee David Fedor instructs Marbell that he has to get out of the ring. Fedor checks Morris after Marbell heads to the outside. The Jester is on all-fours as the bell rings. Morris shouts at the crowd, which is clearly behind The Jester. The two lock up and Jester pushes Morris into the corner. He breaks the hold and they enter into a test of strength. The Jester, who has a distinct size advantage over Morris, pushes him back into the corner again. The hold is broken and they lock up again. Morris has a momentary advantage before The Jester pushes him into the corner. Morris says that “This is ridiculous.” Morris and Fedor lock up. Fedor pushes Morris into the corner and breaks the hold, and admonishes himself. The Jester slaps Morris in the buttocks, chases him around the ring, and at one point, rides him like a pony, all to the delight of the crowd. Jester knocks him down and gets a two count. Morris goes dirty and digs at Jester’s eyes. Then, Marbell joins in on the illegal action as the ref is distracted. There’s a spinning punch and two count from Morris on Jester. Marbell encourages his ward to “stay on him.” Morris whips Jester into the corner and hits a drop kick. Two count is counted by Fedor. Morris drops a series of knees on Jester, and a leg drop. Two count. Morris goes to work on Jester’s shoulder. Morris gets Jester into the corner and Marbell goes to work once again from the outside. Two count. Morris whips Jester but he stops it. A Sunset Flip leads to a big butt splash from Jester onto Morris. Both Megastars are slow in getting up. Jester fires back with a series of clotheslines and a suplex. Jester goes for a pin but Marbell distracts from the outside. Jester goes to the top for an attempted Frog Splash but Morris rolls out instead. Jester jumps from the top turnbuckle and his met with a back cracker. Two count. Marbell hands Morris a chain but that doesn’t work. Jester goes for more offense but Bobby Badfingers races from the locker room, distracts the Jester and he falls right into Morris’ finishing move. Three count and your winner and still the 5-Star Champion is Harley T. Morris. 8:25. Post-match: Badfingers spears The Jester.
Sniper v. Ice Machine
Sniper makes his way to the ring and the mysterious Megastar from the beyond, Ice Machine, charges in to cheers of “Ice Machine. Ice Machine!” Sniper pushes Machine into the corner and is forced to break the hold by Fedor. Ice Machine is a talking machine in the ring. The fact that the fans cheer for Ice Machine gets under Sniper’s skin. Ice Machine takes Sniper down and continues to get offense over the much larger Sniper. There are several pin attempts and Sniper gets into the ropes. Machine tries to whip Sniper into the corner but that’s reversed. This is Sniper’s attempt to get some offense. Sniper uses the ropes to keep Machine grounded. Sniper tries to go for the mask, to no avail. Sniper keeps Ice Machine near and against the ropes. He over hand chops Machine. There’s more offense in the ropes before Machine gets a moment of offense. That doesn’t last long, as Sniper continues his assault. Sniper puts Machine in the ropes but Machine chops his way out. Fedor makes a two count as Sniper falls to the mat. There’s a drop kick. Sniper gets to the ropes just as the third hand was about to come down. Machine fights back, misses a clothesline, but Sniper lands one. Two count as Machine gets his shoulder up. Sniper tosses Ice Machine into the corner over and over again. Then, Sniper chokes Ice Machine while in the ropes again. Sniper misses with a European Upper Cut. Ice Machine lands a bunch of his own. Sniper is in the corner for a parade of shoulder blocks. Sniper hits Ice Machine in the throat. Sniper uses the ropes more. He misses the Upper Cut. Ice Machine rolls him over for a two count. Machine lands a punch from the top rope. Sniper won’t go down. There’s a big clothesline and reverse shoulder block to the mush. Ice Machine whips him into the corner. He misses with a splash. Sniper dodges the move. Machine goes over the top rope and then in through the ropes. He lands an impressive Ice Kick and gets the win. 10:24.
Shawn Blanchard v. Mitch Napier
Shawn Patrick calls for the bell and Mitch Napier implores him to check out Blanchard again. Blanchard is well-known to have illegal objects about his person. Blanchard gets Napier into a headlock. Napier breaks the hold and tosses Blanchard around and lands a litany of drop kicks on the 6-time former champion. Blanchard bails to the outside. Once back inside, Blanchard pokes Napier in the eye and continues to assail him before jabbing Napier below the belt. Patrick is distracted as Blanchard goes to work on Napier, perhaps with a foreign object. Blanchard whips Napier into the ropes and hits a back elbow. There’s a rake of the eyes with his boot. The offense continues. There’s a pin attempt but that only goes to two. Blanchard rakes the eyes and gouges Napier. Blanchard says there are too many rules in New Kensington. Blanchard whips Napier into the corner and misses with a splash. The Sioux Falls warrior hits Blanchard with a series of power moves. They go to the outside. Napier smashes Blanchard’s head into the apron. Napier goes to the top and lands a cross body block once back inside. Napier whips Blanchard into the corner. He goes over the top and is met with a clothesline on the apron. Napier pulls him back in and nearly gets submission with the Ankle Lock. Blanchard gets to the ropes. Napier lands a leg. Two count. Blanchard follows with a jaw breaker out of nowhere on Napier. Both Megastars are down. Patrick counts to eight before Blanchard gets up. At nine, Napier is up. Napier races in and starts to hit Blanchard. Napier climbs the corner post. He hits Blanchard with punches. Blanchard goes low and knocks Napier down. He gets the three count pin while having his boots firmly planted on the ropes. The winner is Shawn Blanchard. David Fedor races from the back, calls shenanigans and has the match restarted. Napier rolls him up and gets the win. 9:24
Lou Martin and Jay Flash v. Kris Kash and Shane Starr
Martin and Flash bail to the outside when Kash and Starr hit the ring. David Fedor is ready to call the match down the middle. The bell rings at 9:01 p.m. and the current champion, Jay Flash, is to start against Kash. However, Flash tags in Martin. Kash tags in Starr and the two frequent champions start punching one another. Martin is rushed in the corner and Starr misses with a splash. Martin takes control. He floors Starr. Two count. A tag is made to the current KSWA Champion, Jay Flash. He hits Starr fast and frequently. Flash has Starr down and is pulled into his team’s corner. Martin is tagged in and he goes to work on his long-time nemesis with knees to the hamstring. Martin continues to work on the leg. Fedor gets him away from the ropes and that’s enough of a distraction to have Flash attack from the floor. Martin continues back to work on the leg. Starr reaches in vain to Kris Kash. Martin keeps his legs grounded. Martin kicks him in the gut. Flash is in. He nearly gets a three count on Starr. Flash and Martin trade places. Two count. Starr starts to fight back with punches to the gut. Starr is posted in the middle rope for more attacks from Flash. Martin dives on Starr’s back. Flash is tagged back in and he legs a leg scissors on Starr. Starr’s shoulders are down for a two count. Martin is tagged back in. He goes to work on Starr by pulling his arms back while his knee is in the Golden Triangle Champion’s back. Martin hits a clothesline. Starr kicks Martin off of him but can’t quite reach Kash with a tag attempt. Martin tags Flash who dives in over the top rope and onto Starr’s leg. Flash lands a standing cannonball and gets a two count. Martin is tagged back in. He rains punches on Starr before one is blocked. Starr fights off Martin. Starr tags Kash at the 7:40 mark. He is a house a fire, knocking Martin down and in the corner. There’s a tilt a whirl drop kick and another drop kick that keeps Martin down. Kash posts Martin in his corner and drives some offense. Martin goes low and tags in Flash who takes advantage of the situation to hit a couple of German Suplexes. Flash misses with a shoulder buster and lands a power bomb. Flash posts Kash in the corner. Kash fights off an attempt at a superplex. He tosses Flash off and lands a missile drop kick. Soon, all four Megastars are in the ring. Flash is able to dispatch Starr after Martin is tossed out. Kash hits a Whisper in the Wind on Flash and scores the victory for his team 12:24. After the match, Flash remains in the ring, unsure as to what to do next.