A Hero Returns: All-American Napier Cashes In, VIPs Best Party Gras, Massacre Bests Malachi, Sam Squatch Sighting
October 17, 2016
by Trapper Tom, Ring Announcer/Wrestling Journalist
When the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance (KSWA) Championship Committee decided to award fans with “Kash v. Flash 2” on October 15, many observers believed the match could be a Match of the Year candidate. They were not wrong. The combatants, who really do not like each other much, tore the Teamster Temple apart before a controversial end and a startling new chapter.
A definitive statement was made in the simmering feud between Jack Massacre and Big Mike Malachi, and KSWA Owner Tommy Faime righted what he thought was a wrong and reassigned the KSWA’s 5-Star Championship in a controversial decision. Plus, the VIPs got serious after sharing shenanigans with Party Gras.
6-Man Match: The Mercenaries and Mayor Mystery v. LA Gold, El Skeletorios and Sam Squatch
Squatch, Gold and Skelly come to the ring to Boris “Bobby” Pickett’s “Monster Mash.” Sniper and Sam Squatch match up. Squatch chases Sniper into the corner and he tags in Crane, who measures the situation before tagging in Mayor Mystery. Squatch then tags in El Skeletorious, the 17-time former Mexican champion. Skeletorious and Mystery try showing off their muscles, but the crowd is firmly behind Skelly. The two lock up in a test of strength. Skeletorious gets Mystery’s hands down and he stomps on them. Mystery races to his corner and tags in Sniper. Sniper pushes Skelly into the corner and breaks the hold. Skeletorious returns the favor and digs at Sniper in the corner. Sniper says that Skeletorious kissed him. Once back in the center of the ring, Sniper kicks Skelly and tags in Crane who punches and kicks him down. There’s a one count following an elbow drop. Crane continues the offense on Skeletorious and tags in Mystery. Mayor Mystery whips Skeletorious into referee Shawn Patrick. Sniper is tagged in, as is LA Gold, who is immediately beat down by Sniper. Crane is tagged back in and he hits LA Gold with a double sledge. Patrick is distracted by Crane as Sniper goes to work on LA Gold from the apron. Squatch can’t take it anymore, so he goes after the opposition on the outside. He then returns to the apron. The Mercenaries double clothesline LA Gold down. Sniper lands a big leg drop on LA Gold. Sniper taunts a tag but bends Lucas’ fingers back instead. Sniper lifts him up. Mayor Mystery is tagged in. He clotheslines LA Gold but misses with a big elbow. Gold struggles to get to Sam Squatch. He makes the tag and soon thereafter, everyone is involved. Squatch is beaten down by all opponents, but he gets to a slouched position. Mayor Mystery goes to smash his cane of Squatch’s back. Mystery hits Squatch in the back and his cane explodes in two. Squatch gets up. He points at Mayor Mystery and then blocks a right hand punch. Sam hits Mayor Mystery into the ropes. Mystery is booted in the face and he falls to the mat. Sam Squatch ricochets off of the ropes and lands a big leg drop for the pin. 9:11
KSWA Owner Tommy Faime v. Mitch Napier
Faime arrives on the scene, then does Napier. The bell rings and Napier goes after Faime, who immediately dives into the ropes for protection. Mitch follows through with another attempt, but Faime feigns off again. Referee David Fedor tries to separate the two and Faime attacks Napier from behind. There’s a body slam and other technical moves that keeps Napier at bay. Faime chokes Napier with his necktie. Fedor breaks that up. The tie is tossed aside. Napier nearly gets a pinfall via a small package. Napier gets some offense and clotheslines Faime down. Napier attacks Faime in the corner and hip tosses him out. Napier goes after Faime with some European upper cuts and a snap mare. The two try to suplex one another but Faime uses his size advantage to drop Mitch face-first into the mat. The two trade blows while on their knees. Faime pokes Napier in the eyes for a two count. There’s a back breaker on Napier and a lazy pin attempt. Napier takes advantage of that and grabs Faime by the ankle and slaps on the Ankle Lock. Faime tries to stay strong but he taps out. 4:30.
Post-Match: Tommy Faime grabs the microphone and calls out Tony Johnson. Instead, the new 5-Star Champion Ice Machine emerges from the locker room. Faime keeps claiming that Ice Machine is, in fact, Tony Johnson. Ice Machine just reinforces that he is Ice Machine. Faime refuses to take that answer and says since Ice Machine will no unmask, he will give the 5-Star Championship back to Morris, and he does. Morris’ manager David Marbell says the fans want to see Ice Machine wrestle so he will grant him a match against Harley T. Morris, but that the contest is a “non-title matchup.”
Ice Machine v. Harley T. Morris (non-title)
The match starts and Ice Machine is all over Morris. There’s a chop and a body slam. Ice Machine climbs to the top rope and Morris bails to the outside. Ice Machine follows for some offense. Morris had taken his t-shirt off. Machine tried to put it back on him. Morris recovers and suplexes Ice Machine in from the apron. It’s all Morris with a series of punches, gouges and leg drops. There’s a two count. Ice Machine is posted in the corner; that’s where David Marbell waits for some illegal action. Morris continues to keep Ice Machine down. Morris spins off the ropes and delivers a forearm to Ice Machine’s head. There’s a two count. Ice Machine fights out of a head lock. There’s a big shoulder block from Ice Machine. The two miss each other with offense until Ice Machine hits a back slide for a two count. Morris rebounds and hits Ice Machine down. Ice Machine fights out of a sleeper hold but is met with a big knee to the head. There’s a big two and a half count on Ice Machine. Morris is frustrated because he can’t put Ice Machine away, even in this non-title matchup. Machine is whipped into the corner. Morris misses with a drop kick in the corner. Ice Machine clobbers him with two big clotheslines and a cross body block. Ice Machine goes to the top while Morris gets to his feet. Machine flies for a big chop off the top. Two count as Morris is able to get his shoulder up. Ice Machine prepares for the Ice Kick. Morris is slow in getting up. Marbell is on the apron. Marbell is Ice Kicked down. Ice Machine then kicks Morris and gains the victory. 8:00
VIPs v. Party Gras
Referee Shawn Patrick has his hands full with this matchup between long-time rivals. The VIPs wait on the outside for Party Gras to make their way to the ring. The bell rings and the fans continue their familiar “Garbage Pants” chant, firmly directed at Lou Martin. The VIPs are ready for action against the team who held the KSWA tag team championship for a record 75 weeks. Zoltan and Blanchard meet in the center of the ring. Zoltan taunts with a test of strength. Blanchard balks. He does it again and end up punching Blanchard square in the nose. Blanchard retreats to his corner. Zoltan pulls him out by the nose. They lock up with one hand and Zoltan punches him square in the nose again. Martin bolts in to make the save and Zoltan grabs his nose as well. Later, Sane is tagged in and he leap frogs over Zoltan and onto Blanchard’s arm. Zoltan goes to the top rope and pulls Blanchard’s nose instead of breaking his arm. Zoltan is tagged in and he steals Blanchard’s nose. Once he gives it back, he tags in Sane and Blanchard tags in Martin. Sane goes after Martin’s ears. Zoltan is tagged back in and he goes after Martin’s nose and tucks it in his wrestling pants. Martin is down and Zoltan kicks him in the groin. Sane is phantom tagged in and he drops a leg on Martin’s gut or lower. Sane might be biting Martin in the ear. Sane tags Zoltan in. Blanchard comes in. They are dropped down for the row boat. Blanchard is down to the ground. Martin is down for a two count. Martin gets offense and tosses Sane into the corner. Blanchard is tagged in and he steals Sane’s nose and whips it on his buttocks. Then he gives it back. Martin is tagged in and he continues the assault on Sane. Martin drops a leg on Sane, who is held up in the ropes by Blanchard on the outside. Martin drops a couple of elbows and gets a two count. Martin tags in Blanchard. Sane is posted in the VIP corner. Blanchard splashes Sane in the corner. Martin is in for a leg drop. Two count. Martin misses with a clothesline. Martin and Sane collide with a double clothesline. Patrick counts. Zoltan is tagged in. Blanchard is tagged in. Zoltan and Blanchard go to the outside. Martin hits Sane low. Blanchard gets to the corner post and drops an elbow on Sane, who is held up by Martin for the Demolition Decapitation which consists of a Backbreaker hold and Diving elbow drop. The one, two and three is counted. The VIPs are your winners. 13:31.
6-Man Match: The Spear Asylum & Big Mike Malachi v. The Jester, Jack Massacre & T-Rantula
T-Rantula and Mike Malachi start off, but Malachi wants Jack Massacre. Malachi hides in the ropes. Massacre backs up. Vinnie Stone is tagged in. He successfully avoids Massacre. Stone tries to go for a belly to belly suplex on the 7-foot-tall Massacre but the giant doesn’t budge. Stone is whipped in the corner and hit with a splash. Another rush is stopped by a chop to the throat. T-Rantula is tagged in and so is Badfingers. The Spear Asylum double clothesline T-Rantula, who stands right up and drops them both with a clothesline of their own. Massacre is tagged in. He clobbers the tag champions with his own clothesline. Jester is tagged in and he goes to work on Badfingers. First there’s a kick to the back and a running cannonball. Badfingers is face-first on the mat. He gets up and rushes Jester into his corner. The Spear Asylum and Malachi kick away while Fedor is distracted. Malachi knees Jester in the face while in the ropes. Badfingers drop kicks Jester in the center of the ring. Stone is tagged in. One count and then two count on Jester. There’s a running, rolling back elbow on the seated Jester. Two count is recorded by Fedor. Malachi is tagged in next. There’s a belly to belly from Malachi. Another two count. Malachi has Jester in a choke hold. Malachi tires and breaks it off. Stone is tagged in. There’s a double back elbow on Jester by Malachi and Stone. Mayor Mystery chokes Jester with the bottom rope. There’s a devastating side suplex on The Jester by Malachi. T-Rantula can be heard saying Malachi couldn’t do that to him. Stone is tagged in. Jester ducks a clothesline. Stone and Jester floor each other with a double clothesline. The fans are behind The Jester. Malachi is back in and digs a knee in Jester’s back and plants a chin lock and then pulls Jester’s arms back. Jester gets up but Malachi kicks him low. Badfingers is back in for a knee drop. Two count. Jester fights back. He chops away at Badfingers. Badfingers catches Jester’s foot during a kick attempt. Jester knocks him down with a kick to the side of the head. Mayor Mystery shouts for Badfingers to get up. Soon, all six Megastars are in the ring and Mystery prowls the outside. Stone and Malachi are tossed to the outside. There’s a double choke slam on Badfingers by the giants. Jester dives onto Badfingers and gets the one, two and three. 11:33
Post-Match: Malachi gets into Massacre’s face. That doesn’t work. He backs into T Rantula, who tosses him to Massacre. Massacre body slams Malachi, who then high tails it away.
Golden Triangle Championship: Del Douglas v. Shane Starr (champion)
Referee Shawn Patrick hoists the KSWA Golden Triangle Championship up in the air and calls for the bell. The two long-time foes circle each other before locking up. Douglas is the first to get an advantage, perhaps by ill-gotten means. He pulls Starr’s hair before mocking him for the luxurious locks. Starr gains advantage and gets Douglas down. Starr goes to work on Douglas’ arm and the scream of pain are intense. Starr body slams Douglas down. There’s a two count. Starr posts Douglas in the corner for some shoulder blocks, but he misses in epic fashion with a running shoulder block in the corner. Starr falls to the outside. Douglas gets some offense with big chops and other shots before Starr rebounds. Douglas is tossed back in. Starr follows and hits a big drop kick. There’s a two count with Douglas’ shoulder up. Douglas fights a suplex. Douglas may have gone low with a shot to the midsection or lower. Douglas body slams Starr in the center of the ring. The big punch from the top rope is next. That does little effect as Starr comes back with a series of clotheslines and a body slam. Two count. Starr posts Douglas on the top for a superplex but Douglas fights it off. Starr races in but is met with a big boot from Douglas. Two count on Starr. Douglas drives two knees into Starr’s midsection. He goes for the cover but Starr kicks out at two. Douglas is going for the Millvale Crab. He drops it. Starr gets up and hits the Sharpshooter. Douglas submits and Starr retains. 6:52
KSWA World Championship: Kris Kash v. Jay Flash (champion)
The two lock up. Flash tosses Kash aside with ease. Kash doesn’t take that kindly. He tosses Flash across the ring. The two trade blows, technical moves and cross body blocks. Flash goes behind Kash and suplexes him down. Kash drop kicks Flash. Flash whips Kash into the ropes. Kash hits a leg scissors that sends Flash to the outside. Flash holds his head as he has never met this kind of aerial assault in the KSWA before. Flash is on the apron. Kash meets him there. They trade punches and blows. Kash knocks Flash to the floor. Kash dives over the top rope onto the champion. Once back inside they trade huge chops. Kash hits a drop kick and gets only a one-count. Kash tries to suplex Flash but that is met by force. Flash fights it off and suplexes Kash instead. Flash whips Kash into the corner and goes for a splash but Kash moves. He chops Flash down and hits a tilt-a-whirl drop kick in the corner. There’s a leg drop and a two count on Flash. Kash is up and the two Megastars trade blows. Flash knocks Kash across the ring. Kash is in the ropes. Flash puts the boots to him there. Fedor warns of the dirty tactics. Flash gets Kash in the leg scissors at the waist. Kash will not submit. Kash is able to roll around enough to get Flash by the leg and a submission move. Flash won’t submit. Flash rolls Kash up into a small package. Two count. Kash is posted in the corner. Fedor tries to enforce the count. Flash tries for a superplex. Kash is able to fight out of it. Kash hits a huge cross body block. Flash isn’t fazed. He picks up Kash and drives him to the mat. Fedor counts as both Megastars are down. The fans chant for Kash. Flash hits Kash with a German Suplex. Flash drops Kash down again with a huge German Suplex. Flash tosses Kash across the ring. Fedor counts to two before Kash can get a shoulder up. Kash power bombs Kash in the center of the ring. It almost seems over. Kash is able to get his shoulder up. Kash gets Flash on the apron. Kash hits a Twist of Fate on Flash on the apron. Kash dives off the top rope and onto Flash. Two count. Flash grabs a tool from ringside and snaps the restraints off on the turnbuckle pad, and exposes the wire underneath. Flash picks up Kash in an attempt to shoulder smash him into the exposed turnbuckle, but Kash fights it off. Flash gets up and goes to the ringside table. There he picks up his championship belt. Fedor catches Flash as he prepares to smash Kash with the title. The referee wrestles the title away from the champ and faces the ringside table. With that, Flash reveals a familiar pipe that he recently brought to the ring, but at this point had not been spotted. With Fedor’s back turned, Flash cold-cocks Kash with the pipe. He makes the cover and Fedor turns around for the pinfall. Flash retains. 13:31.
After the match, Flash turns his ire to Kash. He starts to punch away at the former champion. Suddenly, Mitch Napier, clad in his All-American attire, dashes into the ring while “You’re The Best, Around” blares on the PA system. Napier attacks Flash and hits him with a Sioux Falls Slam that echoes throughout the Teamster Temple. He climbs the top turnbuckle and lands a headbutt onto Flash. Flash is knocked silly. Napier reaches into his tights and pulls out his World Title Opportunity Contract from Battle Bowl. He shows it to Flash and issues the challenge for the championship at FanFest. He says "only 49 days!" To re-emphasize his point, Napier picks Flash up and drives him down again with a Sioux Falls Slam, and leaves. After that, a dazed Jay Flash makes his way to the locker room.
Thus ends KSWA Saturday Night for October 15, 2016