Starr Eliminates Kash For Battle Bowl IX Win, Gregory, Young & Garrett Surprise, Napier Retains Against Flash, Malachi Grounds Massacre
January 15, 2017
By Trapper Tom, Editor, KSWA Digest
Each January, the Keystone State Wrestling Alliance’s “Battle Bowl” is a chance for Megastars to impress the fans, as well as the KSWA Championship Committee. It’s also a chance for new wrestlers to make their debut and returning veterans put their stamp back on the industry. Three years ago, “Big” Mike Malachi made an explosive return, and winners of the battle royal often find themselves in the midst of title opportunities for the rest of the year.
In January, it’s also an opportunity for Megastars to get title shots, and perhaps title changes, going into Battle Bowl.
The VIPs v. Shane Starr and Party Gras
Lou Martin, Shawn Blanchard and the Golden Triangle Champion, Tommy Faime, take on Justin Sane, Lord Zoltan and Shane Starr. Immediately, the capacity crowd chants “Garbage Pants.” Lord Zoltan and Shawn Blanchard lock up. Zoltan knocks Blanchard down after grabbing his nose. He does it again as the former 6-time champ reels. Justin Sane is tagged in. He gets some offense before tagging in Starr, who clotheslines Blanchard in the center of the ring. Blanchard gets up and sucker punches Starr down. Martin is tagged in and he goes to work on a fallen Starr. Referee Adam Jugan is distracted and that allows Martin time to hit Starr in the crotch. Martin continues to assail Starr in the ropes. There’s a pin attempt that gets two. The VIPs Blanchard and Martin clothesline Starr down. Blanchard knees Starr in the crotch right in front of the referee, who admonishes the veteran but lets the match continue. Martin is tagged in and he leg drops Starr. Then there’s a second shot. Faime is then tagged in. He works over the former Golden Triangle Champion and then Blanchard is tagged in. He goes for a reverse chin lock Starr does not submit, but instead battles back. Starr clotheslines Blanchard down. Sane is tagged in and the VIPs double team him. Martin is sent out and Justin splashes Blanchard. He does it a second time. A third time, Blanchard goes over the top rope and onto the apron. Sane clotheslines him down from there. Sane dives onto the floor but Blanchard recovers. Sane is rolled in and Blanchard gets a two count. Faime is tagged in and pile drives Sane perfectly. Sane gets to the ropes on the pin attempt. Faime bodyslams Sane on the mat and drives him into the VIP corner. Sane gets out of there and leap frogs Blanchard. He tags in Zoltan, who goes after Blanchard. Zoltan clotheslines Blanchard down. Zoltan drops Blanchard and kicks him in the crotch. Blanchard recovers and gouges Zoltan’s eyes. Soon, all six megastars are in the ring. Sane on Martin, Zoltan on Blanchard, Starr on Faime. The VIPs are forcibly driven together in the center of the ring. Blanchard falls in the center of the ring. Sane pins Blanchard for the one, two three and gets the win! 11:20
Del Douglas v. Jack Massacre
Del Douglas says he “got this” in regards to his matchup with the 7-foot-tall Jack Massacre. Douglas successfully dodges the giant before a chop to the chest and then another takes the starch out of Douglas’ confidence. Massacre posts Douglas again and when Fedor counts to three, Massacre chops the King down. He does it in the fourth corner as well. Massacre suplexes Douglas and gets a two count. The Krazies shout for Douglas to “stay down.” He doesn’t. Massacre stands on Douglas’ back and then picks him up for a good old fashion punch to the forehead. Massacre buries a knee in Douglas’ back but the King will not submit. Massacre crushes The King’s head before throwing him down to the mat. Massacre picks him up by one leg. That agonizes The King before he is able to reach the bottom rope. Douglas is slow in getting up. Massacre drops him with a clothesline. Two and a half count. Without warning, Big Mike Malachi comes out and attacks Massacre. The referee calls for a disqualification. Douglas and Malachi continue to assault Massacre. Malachi gets a chair and puts it to use on Massacre’s knee until Shane Starr and Kris Kash burst onto the scene to break up the carnage. 7:20
KSWA Tag Team Championship: Spear Asylum v. Jester and T Rantula
The Jester and Vinnie Stone lock up. Jester pushes Stone into the corner and he slaps Stone. They lock up again and Jester slaps Stone in the buttocks. Jester and Stone trade slaps. Jester drops Stone and then tags in the 2016 Hall of Famer, T-Rantula. T chops Stone hard in the chest. And then a second and third time. T slams Stone down in the center of the ring and taunts Badfingers. The Krazies chant “T.” There’s a clothesline and then a choke on Stone. T pulls Stone up and reverse knife edge chops him down. Then the action spills to the outside. T-Rantula hits Vinnie Stone with Nacho City. Mayor Mystery makes his way over to check on his Megastar. Stone is rolled back in for a series of stomps on Stone. Stone is tossed into the corner and Badfingers is tagged in at the 4:26 mark of the match. Jester is tagged in and he repeatedly knocks Badfingers down. Two count after a reverse, standing cannonball. Badfingers fights back and tags in Stone. Stone rains rights down on Jester and then picks him up for a couple of European Upper Cuts and a suplex. Badfingers is back in and he continues the offense on Jester. Stone goes for a pin on Jester, but T races in and breaks it up. Stone is up and hits Jester down with a running back elbow. Stone drives Jester to the mat with a side suplex, but Jester pops up immediately and kicks Stone in the head. He tags in T who hits Badfingers down with a big boot. Stone is hit with one. Badfingers is kicked down again. Jester is tagged in. T picks up a chair on the outside and wallops Stone. Badfingers drops Jester down in the center of the ring. Badfingers turns around and there’s T Rantula. He corners Badfingers and hits him with chops that drops Badfingers. Jester is tagged in. Mayor Mystery complains. T Rantula choke slams Badfingers. Jester follows with a frog splash. The winners and still tag team champs are T Rantula and The Jester. 9:11
5-Star Championship: Kris Kash (w/Bobby O) v. Harley T. Morris (w/David Marbell)
The combatants lock up and Morris is the first to taste mat as Kash gets him down. Morris bounces off of the ropes and Kash clubs him down with a clothesline. Kash soon follow and Morris drives his challenger back into the ring for a series of elbows. There’s a pin attempt but Kash is up at one. Referee Fedor is distracted as Marbell attacks Kash in the corner. Kash is on the mat as Morris taunts his opponent. The referee is distracted again as Marbell attacks Kash. Morris continues the assault and drops a leg on Kash, who is on the apron. Morris rolls Kash back in and gets a two count. Morris does a good job of continuing the offense until Kash flips out onto Morris from the corner. The two trade chops and blows until Kash gets Morris in the corner for a running clothesline and then a drop kick. Both Megastars are spent as Kash hits Morris one more time with a drop kick. Kash sets him up with a whisper in the wind. Mayor Mystery races out and interferes by hitting Kash off the top perch. Morris DDT’s Kash and gets the pin as Fedor turns around for the pin. 7:20.
KSWA World Championship: Jay Flash v. Mitch Napier
Jay Flash arrives on the scene and then the champion, Napier. Mitch extends a hand in fairness. Flash slaps him in the face. That just angers the champion, who drives Flash into the corner and hits him with a shoulder. Then a leg scissors drops him down. Flash is then forced into the corner and Napier slugs him 10 times in the head. Flash recovers and ties him to the Tree of Woe. Flash dangles from the rafters and kicks Napier in the head. There’s a near pinfall, but Napier kicks up at two. Flash continues the offense and gets another pin. Flash continues the offense and Napier is down on the mat. Flash gouges and digs at the face. Flash grabs Napier by the shoulder. Napier powers up with Flash on his back. He drives Flash into the corner and breaks the hold. Flash is posted in the corner for a suplex but Flash slides out of it and powers Napier into the corner post. He does it a second time, this time, Napier’s face goes into the middle turnbuckle. There’s a two count as Flash cannot put Napier away. Flash drapes Napier into the ropes and then jumps from the apron, driving Napier’s back into the mat. Napier crawls to his feet. Flash clotheslines and kicks Napier, before drop kicking him into the corner. Napier still stirs. Flash pounds the mat in frustration. Napier follows Flash into the corner with a splash but misses a second. Flash drives Napier into the corner. Flash grabs his phone and snap chats the action in the corner. Flash pulls Napier out into the center of the ring. Two count as Napier gets his shoulder up. Napier goes to the apron and flies inside, school boys Flash into the ankle lock. Flash breaks out of it and hits Napier with three super kicks. Napier, incredibly, kicks out. Flash stands in the corner, ready to kick and Napier grabs the leg. He flips Flash down in the center of the ring. Napier climbs to the top for the big head butt and lands it. Napier tries to pin Flash but just gets too. Flash reverses move. Two count. Mitch catches Flash’s cross body block attempt and gets him into the Sioux Falls Slam. He plants Flash in the center of the ring and makes the cover for the victory! 12:31.
Battle Bowl IX
Shawn Blanchard is out first and then LA Gold. The bell rings and Blanchard goes to work on Gold with chops. Gold is eliminated with a minute left before the next opponent. The next opponent is out and it’s La Lucha. The Krazies go nuts for the former KSWA World Champion. Blanchard kicks him in the gut and then chops him about the head and shoulders. Next out is Golden Triangle Champion Tommy Faime. He attacks La Lucha, who had some offense going against Blanchard. The VIPs take turns on La Lucha. La Lucha is eliminated and Kris Kash is out next. Kash drop kicks both VIPs and the crowd is on his side. Blanchard fights back against Kash first with big chops. Kash returns the fire before Faime kicks into overdrive. Gino Slice makes his debut next. He “air guitars” his theme music before ever making his way into the ring. He spends 30 second on the outside. He attacks both VIPs. He kicks and bulldogs Faime. Blanchard German suplexes Slice across Lawrenceville. Out next is Vinnie Stone. Shawn Blanchard is eliminated. Lord Zoltan dances out next. He goes after Faime. Out next is Big Mike Malachi, who glad hands the fans, even after attacking Jack Massacre with a chair earlier in the event. Shane Starr is out next and he goes right after Faime. Vinnie Stone is the next to be eliminated. The hairiest Megastar, Stan Squatch, is out next. Faime is eliminated next. In a major surprise, Denny Gregory makes his KSWA debut. Squatch is next eliminated. Gregory goes after Zoltan. The Drunken Luchadore, Joey Quervo is next. Quervo is eliminated by Zoltan. Dr. Devastation, Lou Martin, is out next. Newcomer MV Young is out next. There is still a lot of humanity in the ring. The King is out next. Douglas is in and charges Shane Starr. The Jester is out next as Denny Gregory continues to confound the Megastars and avoid elimination time and time again. The Jester is next out. Lord Zoltan is next eliminated. Justin Sane is out next and David Marbell is eliminated. Long time veteran and one time KSWA Megastar Jake Garrett is out next. This was his first appearance in the KSWA since 2003 at the Bloomfield VFW. Gino Slice is eliminated. Bobby O is out next. Garrett is eliminated. Lou Martin is tossed out next. T-Rantula is out next. T goes right after MV Young with big chops. Bobby Badfingers is out next. The ring is filled with humanity. Zach Hunter was eliminated. Yinza, the Pittsburgh Luchadore, is, out next. He is immediately eliminated. Jack Massacre is eliminated. T Rantula has been eliminated. El Skeletorious is out next. The Jester is eliminated next. El Skeletorious is eliminated next. Mayor Mystery is introduced next. He isn’t allowed to take his cane in the ring. He balks and Shawn Patrick tosses him in. Mayor Mystery is eliminated. Jay Flash is the final entrant in Battle Bowl IX. Flash tries to eliminate everyone. Shane Starr fights it off. It’s Starr, Flash, Sane, Malachi, Gregory, Morris, MV Young and Kash all still in the match. Morris tries to dunk Sane as Malachi watches and cheers him on. Harley T. Morris is next to be eliminated. Young drops Flash with an impressive kick to the chin. All of the Megastars are spent. Malachi saves Gregory, who was nearly eliminated multiple times throughout the event. MV Young tosses Jay Flash. Almost immediately, MV Young is tossed out by Malachi (Young fared very well in his debut with the KSWA). Gregory preens to the crowd. Justin Sane takes that opportunity to toss Gregory out (Gregory went through the middle rope several times to avoid elimination, and he used his ring-smarts to stay as long as he did). Malachi then sends Sane out. Double drop kick by Shane Starr and Kris Kash drops Malachi. Starr and Kash muscle Malachi over the top rope and onto the concrete floor below. With that, Starr rushes behind Kash and tosses him over the top rope and onto the floor. The winner of Battle Bowl IX is Shane Starr! The crowd, sensing Starr took liberties with a toss from behind, boo him lustfully. Kash makes his way back to the locker room, allowing Starr to settle into his victory.